好朋友在身邊：如何做個真正的朋友

Life can be a lonely thing without companionship. Acquaintances are easy to come by but true friends are a whole other story. The best way to develop meaningful connections with true friends we can trust is to become a true friend yourself. Apply these ten steps if you’d like to be a true friend that can be counted on.
沒有朋友，生活該多麼孤單。泛泛之交遍地都是，但真正的朋友卻少之又少了。要想結交到真正值得信任的朋友，最好的辦法莫過於先讓自己成爲可靠的朋友。做到下面10步你就能成爲值得信賴的朋友啦。

1. Be present for their highs and lows.
榮辱與共。

“If you’re absent during my struggle, don’t expect to be present during my success.”——Will Smith
“在我艱難的時候你缺席，那麼我成功的時候你也不必在了。”——威爾·史密斯

It’s easy to be there for our friends when they ask us out for fun things like drinks at the bar, dancing in the club, or laughs at the theater. But are you willing to be there for the hard times that are the opposite of fun? You might not feel comfortable while spending time with an emotionally fragile person on the verge of tears, but true friends are readily available when they’re needed the most.
被朋友喊出去玩樂很簡單，一起去酒吧喝酒跳舞，或者是去戲院看戲找樂子。但如果是陪他們度過一段艱難的時期你願意麼？也許讓你花時間和一個充滿負能量眼淚汪汪的人在一起不是那麼舒服的事情，但真正的朋友是在最需要的時刻陪在身邊。

2. Know when to hush.
學着安靜。

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” ——Ernest Hemingway
“如果人們只是一個勁的說話，那麼大部分人不會願意去傾聽。”——海明威

The act of vocally expressing our troubles to a trusted friend can offer instant stress-reduction. Give your friend the gift of silence so they can drop their baggage and get on with living.
和值得信賴的朋友傾吐自己的煩惱可以減輕壓力。但別忘了在朋友有煩惱和麻煩的時候也保持安靜做一個傾聽者吧。

3. Offer your encouragement.
鼓勵別人。

“Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.” ——Ralph Waldo Emerson
“我們最想要的，莫過於有人能夠激發我們去做那些可能可以做到的事情。”——愛默生

The four most inspiring words you can speak to another person? I believe in you.
對別人最有用的四個激勵詞彙？是“我相信你”。

4. Accept them as they are.
完全接受他們。

“Happiness can exist only in acceptance.” ——George Orwell
“幸福只存在於接受。”——喬治·奧威爾

If you can’t accept a person as they are, you will never know the feeling of true friendship. Fight the urge to attempt to “fix” them, no matter how crazy their mannerisms might make you.
如果你不能完整的接受別人，那麼你永遠不會知道友情的真正含義。別再試圖去“改造”他們，哪怕他們的行爲在你看來多麼瘋狂。

5. Challenge them to grow.
刺激他們去成長。

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” ——Helen Keller
“要麼冒險，要麼就一事無成，這就是人生。”——海倫·凱勒

If a friend tells you they plan to drop 10 lbs, tell them, “10 lbs? Please. I bet you can get so fit that people’s jaws will drop when you walk past them.” Throw down the gauntlet, make sure they know you believe they can do it, and ask: “Challenge accepted?”
如果有朋友告訴你他們計劃要瘦十磅，你應該說：“十磅？拜託，我打賭你肯定能瘦到當你走過時人們都驚到張口結舌。”撂下挑戰，這樣他們就會知道你相信他們能做到，不妨再問一句：“敢不敢試試？”6. Be vulnerable.
敞開心扉。

“I found that the more truthful and vulnerable I was, the more empowering it was for me.” ——Alanis Morissette
“我發現我越誠實越坦誠，就會獲得越多的能量。”——艾拉妮絲·莫莉塞特

Hiding your flaws might be appropriate in a job interview, but it’s not something you should do in a conversation with a friend you trust. Never hesitate to speak your thoughts and feelings in their raw and unfiltered form. Who knows? They might open up and disclose a surprising secret in return. Full disclosure will strengthen your friendship and make you both feel at ease in each other’s company.
工作面試的時候隱藏鋒芒也許比較合適，但和自己信賴的朋友聊天時就沒必要這樣做了。別顧慮太多，不說出自己真實的想法和感受，或是不假思索的言語。這樣做了又如何呢？也許會打開彼此的心扉，你也會獲知對方的一個祕密。暢所欲言能鞏固你們的友情，還會讓彼此都覺得對方的陪伴十分舒服。

7. Forgive the past.
原諒過往。

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”——Buddha
“耿耿於懷就像是自己喝着毒藥，卻期盼另一個人死去。”——禪語

Have you ever hurled an insult at a person when you were feeling stressed and wished you could take it back? If so, you should understand that even the best of us suffer from the occasional slip of the tongue. Holding onto a grudge over a minor slip-up will make you look petty, so let it go.
壓力大的時候有沒有對別人大吼大叫進行侮辱，現在後悔莫及想收回？如果是，你需要了解及時最好的我們也會遭遇口舌之災。把怨恨沒完沒了的糾結在雞毛蒜皮的小事上會讓你看起來非常的市井俗氣，算了吧。

8. Watch out for jealousy.
小心嫉妒之心。

“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.” ——Bette Midler
“成功最糟糕的一部分是試着找到爲你而開心的人。”——貝蒂·米勒

Your friend landed his dream job and you feel stuck in a rut. Your friend scored a hot date with Mr. Perfect and you feel down and depressed. Jealousy is a nasty feeling that can take hold of our thoughts without warning. If a friend achieves something you aspire to do, channel that jealous feeling into an “if they did it, I can too” attitude.
你朋友找到自己夢寐以求的工作，你覺得有點不爽。你朋友跟完美先生愛的死去活來，你感到低落和壓力。嫉妒是一種糟糕的感受，會在不知不覺中佔據我們的思想。如果有朋友做到了你也想做的事情，不如把態度轉變成：他們都能做到，那我也可以吧。

9. Speak the truth (even if it hurts).
說實話（哪怕有點傷人）。

“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”——Oscar Wilde
“真相很少會純潔簡單。”——奧斯卡·王爾德

Have you ever watched a friend damage her self-esteem by staying in an emotionally abusive relationship? I have, and it hurts more than words can express. Confronting a person about an inconvenient truth isn’t easy, but sometimes it needs to be done. If you have something to say and can’t find the nerves to do it, ask yourself, “How would I feel if it was me making a very bad decision and my friend said nothing about it?” While speaking out doesn’t guarantee you’ll change their mind, staying silent does guarantee you’ll regret not speaking up sooner.
有沒有看着一個朋友身處虐心的戀情，連自尊都不顧？我有過，這種感受無法用語言來表達。要告訴某人一個不好的事實不容易，但有時我們需要這麼做。如果你有話要說，卻鼓不起勇氣去做，那問問自己：“如果是我在做一個很糟糕的決定，但朋友卻無動於衷，那我會怎麼想？”說出你的想法並不能保證就能改變他們，但保持沉默只會讓你日後後悔沒有早點說出口。

10. Make it special.
讓你們的友情與衆不同。

“We are all special cases.”——Albert Camus
“我們都是不同的個體。”——阿爾貝·加繆

The greatest friendships have quirks and qualities that are exclusive to them. Search for a special activity, gesture, or saying that is reserved for your true friend only. That could be a song you belt out on every car ride, a goofy handshake or gesture that no one else understands, or a weekly ritual just for the two of you.
最好的友情對兩個人而言總有着倆人之間的特殊習慣或喜好。找一個特別的活動、手勢或者話語，只對你真正的朋友使用吧。可以是每次乘車都必聽的一首歌，一個傻傻的握手或者是沒人能懂的手勢，或者是隻有你倆的一週一次的活動。