经典的英语笑话

下面是本站小编整理的经典的英语笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

　　经典的英语笑话：If I Am a Manager

One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – if I Am a Manager.

All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.

“I am waiting for my secretary,” was the boy’s answer.

一天课上，老师要同学们以“如果我是一个经理”为题写一篇作文。

所有的学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。

“我在等我的秘书”。那孩子答道。

　　经典的英语笑话：Isn’t it wonderful?

"What are you so happy about?"a woman asked the 98-year-old man.

"I broke a mirror," he replied.

"But that means seven years of bad luck."

"I know." he said, beaming,"Isn’t it wonderful?"

这难道不好吗?

“你高兴什么?”一个女士问一个98岁的老人。

“我打碎了一个镜子。”他回答。

“但那预示着7年的坏运气。”

“我知道。”他高兴地说，“这难道不好吗?”

　　经典的英语笑话：Whats time to a pig?

One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地 上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫 回答说，“时间对猪有什么意义?”

经典的英语笑话：我和老师的故事

Teacher: Tom and John! Why are you late for school today?

老师：汤姆!约翰!你俩今天为什么迟到了!

Tom: Madam, I lost a one-dollar coin and was searching for it.

汤姆：老师，我一直在找我丢失的一美元硬币。

Teachear: John, what about you?

老师：那么你呢，约翰?

John: Madam, I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under my feet.

约翰：老师，我不能动啊，我把他的硬币藏脚底下了。

　　经典的英语笑话：再见

Two tomatoes go shopping, a tomato suddenly walk fast, the second tomato asks: "where shall we go?" The first tomato has no answer, the second tomato asked again. The tomato has no answer, so the second tomato asked again. The first tomato finally turned slowly, said: "we are not tomatoes? We can talk?"

两颗番茄去逛街，第一颗番茄突然走得很快，第二颗番茄就问：“我们要去哪里?” 第一颗番茄没有回答，第二颗番茄又问了一次。 第一颗番茄还没回答，所以第二颗番茄又问了一次。 第一颗番茄终于慢慢转头说：“我们不是番茄吗?我们会说话吗?”

On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.

As we drove away, our son waved and said, "Goodbye, Mickey."

Our daughter waved and said, "Goodbye, Minnie."

My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, "Goodbye, Money."

迪斯尼之旅 弗罗里达州的迪斯尼乐园是一个迷人的地方。一次我和丈夫以及两个孩子前往旅游，我们全身心地沉醉在它的各种奇观之中。精疲力竭地玩了三天之后，我们要回家了。

当我们驱车离开时，儿子挥手说：“再见，美奇。”

女儿挥着手说，“再见，美妮。”

丈夫也有气无力地挥了挥手，说道：“再见，美元。”

　　经典的英语笑话：Goldfish 金鱼

Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。

Fred: Where are you going to keep them?

弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们?

Stan: In the bathroom.

斯丹：浴室。

Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?

弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办?

Stan: Blindfold(蒙眼睛) them!

斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛!

　　经典的英语笑话：I am acting like a lady 我要表现得像一位女士

One day women's dresses were on sale at a department store. A dignified middle-aged man decided to pick a dress for his wife, but soon he found himself being battered by frantic women.

一天，一家百货公司的女装大减价，一位高贵的中年男士想给他的太太挑选一件女装。但是，没过多久，他就发现自己已被疯狂的女人们撞得踉踉跄跄。

He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowd.

他竭力地忍耐着。后来，他低下头，挥舞双臂，挤过人群。

"You there!" challenged a thrilling voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"

“你干嘛?”有人尖声叫道，“你难道不能表现得像一位绅士吗?”

"Listen," he said. "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

“听着，”他说。“我已经像绅士一样表现了一个小时了。从现在起，我要表现得像一位女士。”

　　经典的英语笑话：　Good Sight 好视力

Lawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?

Witness: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the Sun, and they tell me it's about ninety-three million miles away.

律师：你说你离事故现场约有35英尺，你能看清多远的东西?

证人：这么说吧，早上起床后我看见太阳，别人告诉我这大约有9300万英里远。

　　经典的英语笑话：来信

Mr. Henry Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the single word ″Fool″. Quietly and with becoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these words:

″I have known many an instance(实例) of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter.″

一个星期天,亨利·比切先生到普利茅斯的教堂去,在那里有他的几封信。他打开其中一封,发现信中只写着“傻瓜”两个字。

他平静而认真地把这件事告诉教友们：“写信时忘了签名的人,我遇到过很多,但只签了名却忘了写信的人,我还是头一次遇到。”

Customer: Waiter, I can't find any oysters in this oyster stew.

Waiter: Well, you wouldn't expect to find any angels in an angel food cake, would you?

顾客：服务员，我这个牡蛎炖菜里怎么没有牡蛎?

服务员：是啊，你不会指望在天使蛋糕里发现天使吧?

　　经典的英语笑话：玫瑰

On the way home one night, I spotted some fresh-cut roses outside a florist's shop. After selecting a dozen and entering the shop, I was greeted by a young saleswoman.

Are these for your wife, sir? she asked.

Yes, I said.

For her birthday? she asked.

No, I replied.

For your anniversary?

No, I said again.

As I pocketed my change and headed toward the door, the young woman called out, I hope she forgives you.

一天晚上回家的路上，我看到一家花店外面有一些刚剪下来的玫瑰。我挑了一打，走进店里，一个年轻的女售货员跟我打了个招呼。

先生，这些是送给你妻子的吗?她问道。

是的，我说。

她的生日?她问。

不是，我回答。

你们的结婚纪念日?

不是，我又答道。

当我将找回的钱装进口袋，朝门口走去时，那年轻的女人冲我喊道：希望她能原谅你。

　　经典的英语笑话：Part-time Job业余工作

When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.

"How was your first day?" I asked.

"It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."

Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"

"Do you prefer paper or plastic?"

我儿子在一所中学读二年级时，在一家超级市场找到了一份包装商品的业余工作。他满面笑容地回到了家。

“第一天感觉如何?”我问。

“好极了，爸爸。”他答道，“我跟许多漂亮的女孩子讲了话。”

由于斯蒂芬不善言谈，我问道：“你跟他们说了些什么?”

“你是喜欢纸包装还是塑料包装?”

　　经典的英语笑话：　Who Discovered Australia?谁发现了澳大利亚?

Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me, Johnny.

Johnny: It's there, sir.

Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?

Sammy: Johnny, sir.

老师：约翰尼，在地图上给我找出澳大利亚在什么地方。

约翰尼：先生，在这儿。

老师：对了。萨默，你来回答我是谁发现了澳大利亚?

萨默：先生，是约翰尼。