性骚扰者的拙劣道歉

#MeToo ripped through 2017. Women — and men — broke their silence and out poured a volcanic rage engulfing Silicon Valley, Hollywood, the media, restaurant industry and politics. They told stories, so many stories, about sexual harassment.

#MeToo（我也是）运动震撼了整个2017。女性——还有一些男性——打破沉默，如火山爆发般发出控诉，这股怒火席卷硅谷、好莱坞、媒体、餐饮行业以及政治圈。他们讲述了很多关于性骚扰的故事。

In their wake came statements of regret from the accused. Upon scrutiny these crumbled into dust.

在这些故事曝光后，被指控的人作出了表达悔意的自白。但他们的话经不住仔细推敲。

And so 2017 was marked by a series of terrible apologies by Goliaths who had been exposed, this time unwillingly, as harassers. This year has shown that there is no perfect way to apologise for inappropriate requests, gropes or assaults. But there are plenty of wrong ways.

于是，2017年将被铭记为这样一年：一连串大人物在被曝（这一次并非自愿）为骚扰者之后，做出拙劣的道歉。这一年的经历表明，对于无理要求、猥亵或骚扰行为，没有完美的道歉方式。但却有的是错误的道歉方式。

Harvey Weinstein produced a model of the bad apology. His opening declaration set the tone for an onslaught of wrongness.

哈维韦恩斯坦(Harvey Weinstein，见文首照片)树立了一个糟糕道歉的典型。他的开场白就为大量错误奠定了基调。

“I came of age in the ’60s and ’70s when all the rules about behaviour and workplaces were different. That was the culture then.” This is a common line of defence by men who claim to be hopeless dinosaurs, out of touch with changing sensibilities. First, that excuse only works if all men of the same age think it is OK to ruin a woman’s career if she refuses their advances. Second, while some women might have put up with it in the past, that does not mean they liked or wanted it. Quite the opposite.

“我成长于20世纪60和70年代，那时关于行为和职场的规则与现在截然不同。这是那时的文化。”这是那种自称是无可救药的古董、全然不知世事变化的人所惯用的台词。首先，除非那个年代的所有男人都认为，如果女性拒绝他们的咸猪手，他们就可以毁掉她们的事业，否则这个借口就不成立。其次，尽管一些女性过去可能忍受这种行为，但这并不意味她们喜欢或者想要这种行为。事实恰恰相反。

Yet there is also a kind of selective evolution at play here. Harassers, particularly ones who are proud of their professional acumen, manage to stay attuned to so many developments in the business world — the arrival of disruptive technologies, say, or of new overseas markets. Yet they are blind to changes in workplace behaviour. Such blindness seems wilful.

不过，这里还有一种选择性的演化。骚扰者、特别是对自己的专业才华感到自豪的骚扰者，成功适应了商业界的诸多发展——比如颠覆性技术的到来或者海外新市场的出现。但是他们对职场行为的变化视而不见。这种视而不见似乎是故意的。

Mr Weinstein’s apology also included the pledge that he was embarking on therapy. This is a trope that has been reiterated by numerous other apologists. Being caught becomes “a voyage of self-discovery”, as if lunging at a colleague is the first step on the path to enlightenment.

韦恩斯坦的道歉还包括他开始接受心理治疗的承诺。这成为了其他众多道歉者不断重申的套路。被揭露成了“自我发现的旅程”，彷佛把魔爪伸向同事就是启蒙之路的第一步。

Charlie Rose, the journalist and talk show host, who lost his job in November after he was accused of harassment, said he had “learnt a great deal as a result of these events”. Then he turned it into a generous gift — a teachable moment for everybody else, as he wrote that he hoped that “others will [learn] too”. He continued: “All of us, including me, are coming to a newer and deeper recognition of the pain caused by conduct in the past, and have come to a profound new respect for women and their lives.”

记者兼脱口秀主持人查理罗斯(Charlie Rose)在被指控骚扰后，于11月丢掉了工作。他称自己“因为这些事件学到了很多”。之后他把这些教训变成了一份慷慨的礼物——让其他所有人受益的教材——他写道，他希望“其他人也将（学到教训）”。他继续写道：“我们所有人，包括我自己在内，更深刻地重新认识到了过往行为造成的痛苦，并对女性及其人生产生了全新的由衷敬意。”

The common denominator in all these apologies is narcissism. That these men were so entitled that they thought they could behave as they wished was always the problem. These apologies are self-indulgent me-pologies: all about the perpetrator not about the victims.

所有这些道歉的共同特征是自恋。这些男性如此位高权重，以至于他们认为可以随心所欲——这从来就是问题所在。这些道歉都是以“我”为中心的自我放纵式道歉：一切都围绕加害者，而不是受害者。

I picked a few me-pologies to see how many times they used the word “I”. Harvey Weinstein’s count was 37 times in 26 sentences; Charlie Rose used the word 14 times in eight sentences, and Louis CK, the comedian who was accused of harassment in November, 36 times in 26 sentences (although one was in the title of his new film, I Love You, Daddy, which is now shelved).

我挑选了一些以我为中心的道歉，来看看他们用了多少次“我”。哈维韦恩斯坦在26句话里用了37次；查理罗斯在8句话里用了14次；而11月被控骚扰的喜剧演员路易斯CK(Louis CK)在26句话里用了36次（尽管其中一次是他新电影的片名《我爱你，爸爸》(I Love You, Daddy)，目前该片已经暂停上映）。

I talked to a friend about her most recent experience of harassment, at a small company that employed no newsworthy stars. It was not a headline-grabbing assault. It was a drip, drip, drip of unwanted emails about her appearance, sent to her work and personal accounts, supplemented by texts at weekends.

我和一位朋友聊了她最近一次被骚扰的经历，那是在一家小公司，没什么值得报道的明星人物。具体的骚扰行为也不足以成为头条新闻。只是关于她外表的骚扰邮件一封封不断寄到她的工作账户和个人账户中，周末还会有短信。

She caught her harasser surreptitiously taking pictures of her. Colleagues joked about his shrine to her at home. When she told the human resources department, they just warned her to be careful. In the end, she left the company.

她发现骚扰者偷偷拍她的照片。同事们开玩笑说，他在家里供着她的神龛。当她把此事告诉人力资源部门时，他们只是警告她要小心。最后，她离开了那家公司。

A few months later, her former employer got back in touch — inevitably her harasser had started on other women.

数月后，她的前雇主和她联系——不可避免地，她的骚扰者开始骚扰其他女性了。

After she heard that he had left, I asked whether she wanted him to apologise. No. She had heard enough from him — she just wanted to be heard herself.

在她听说那人已经离开公司后，我问她是否希望他道歉。不。她已经烦透了那个人——她只是希望别人能聆听她的话。

That made me think of two bright spots in Louis CK’s apology. These were simply: “These stories are true” and “I a long time to listen.”

这让我想起了路易斯CK道歉的两个亮点。很简单：“这些故事是属实的”以及“我将……花很长时间去倾听”。