給你4大招治好＂爛好人＂症

摘要:們回答“好”的理由有很多。我們尋求確認，想要被需要，或是被依靠。我們都是好人。我們關心他人，所以我們全心對待自己的家人和朋友。

但是如果我們養成了太頻繁說“好，好”的人了。我們就會發現自己竭力耗盡、不堪重負、鬱鬱寡歡或是生氣不已。我這麼說是因為我也是這麼過來的。

But if we're in the habit of saying yes too often, we may find ourselves depleted, overwhelmed, depressed, or angry. I know because I've been there.

Learning to say no protects our energy, time, and priorities. But we often say yes out of guilt.

學會說“不”維護自己的精力、時間和優先權。但是我們常常出於愧疚感說“好的”。

"Well I could do it..."

“那……我來吧……”

"What will they think if I say no?"

“如果我說了‘不’他們會怎麼想?”

"I don't want to disappoint them or hurt their feelings..."

“我不想讓他們失望，或是傷害他們的情感……”

When we say yes out of obligation, we're not taking care of ourselves and end up disappointing and hurting ourselves. Follow these simple tips to help you say no with love:

當我們出於責任心說“好的”的時候，我們並沒有照顧好自己，讓自己失望和受傷。學學這些簡單的小技巧，讓你說“不”也充滿了人情味。

　　1) Say thanks and think it over.

　　先說謝謝，並且細細想一想。

I had the bad habit of saying yes to things right away and then feeling crappy later. When Jane asks if you can watch her dog this weekend, tell her you're honored that she thought of you and that you'd be happy to let her know at the end of the day or the next morning.

我有個壞習慣。遇事總是馬上就答應下來，而隨後就覺得好討厭了。當簡問道這週末能否她照顧一下狗狗時，告訴她，她能想到你讓你覺得很榮幸，你很願意在今天晚些時候，或是明早給她答覆。

Don't allow people to bully you into making snap decisions. You may feel uncomfortable, resent the other person, and fester some anger towards yourself. Avoid this by saying you'll check your schedule. Give them a time or date that you'll follow up with them.

別讓他人讓你陷入迅速決策而欺負你。你可能會覺得不是滋味，怨恨別人，並愈發對自己生氣。要避免這種情況，就說你會再看看你的日程表。給他們一個你會幫他們做這件事情的時間或是日期。

　　2) Three breaths. Two questions.

　　三呼吸。兩問題。

If we are in the habit of saying yes out of obligation, every question can cause stress. Take three deep breaths before you answer which will ground you. Then ask yourself these questions.

如果我們有出於責任回答“好”的習慣，每個問題都會造成壓力。在你要脫口而出迴應的之前，做三次深呼吸。然後問問自己這些問題。

Ask Yourself: Am I able to? Do I want to?

問問你自己：我能做嗎?我想做嗎?

Just because we're able to do something it doesn't mean we should or that we need to. When we do things out of obligation it feels like a chore. When we do things out of love, they feel like a joy. So are you able to? Do you want to?

僅僅因為我們能去做某事，並不意味著我們必須做，或是我們需要去做。當我們出於責任心去做事情時，就會感覺像做一件家庭雜務。當我們出於愛心去做事情，他們就會覺得是一種愉悅。所以你能做嗎?你想做嗎?

　　3) Turn them down like this and offer alternatives.

　　像這樣拒絕他們，並提供代替方案。

The actual saying No part can be the hardest step because your mind's program may tell you that you're selfish or you're a bad person for saying no. This is not true. You are saying no because you value yourself, your time, and your energy.

真正到了說“不”的這一步實際上是最難的部分，因為你的大腦程式可能會告訴，你好自私，或是說“不”的你是個壞人。這不是真的。你說“不”是因為你珍惜自己，珍惜你的時間和你的精力。

Saying no can look something like this:

像這樣說“不”：

"I appreciate you thinking of me to watch your dog but unfortunately I'm not able to this weekend."

“你能想到讓我來幫你照看狗狗我很感激，但不巧的是，我這週末沒時間。”

Notice how there was no long explanation or apology.

注意一下，這裡如何沒有過長的解釋或是道歉的。

If you would be willing to at a different time you could add, "Unfortunately I'm not able to this weekend, but I'd be open to watching Grover on one of your future trips.

"如果你願意換個時間幫她的話，你可以補充道，“不巧我這週末沒時間，但是下次你出遠門的時候，我可以幫你照看格羅佛。”

Or "Unfortunately I'm not able to this weekend, but my friend Sally loves dogs and said she'd be around this weekend. Let me know if you'd like her number."

或是“不巧的是我這週末沒時間，但是我朋友薩利很喜歡狗，而且她說這週末有空。如果你想要她電話的話，請告訴我。”

There are various ways you can respond. Be loving, but firm. You don't need to explain anything.

有很多種你可以回覆的辦法。充滿愛心但是堅定不移。你不需要解釋任何多於的。

Offer alternate dates that might work. “I'm not able to make Thursday or Friday for dinner but I could do next Wednesday. Would that work for you?”

提供改天的可能性。“我週四或是週五抽不出時間來共進晚餐，但是下週三我有空。這樣行嗎?”

Offer something that you would be comfortable with. "I'm not able to come early and decorate a table for the Christmas party but I'd be happy to pick up a pie at Jonah's bakery on my way.

"提供你覺得舒服的方案，“要我早到裝飾聖誕派對餐桌不太可能哎，但是我來的時候，很願意順道帶一隻約拿麵包屋的餡餅哦!

　　4) Simply say no, with a smile.

　　簡單的說“不”，帶上微笑。

"Thanks for thinking of me, but I'm not able to do that." Then smile.“

謝謝你能想到我，不過我不能幫你了。”然後微笑。

By being able to say no in a loving way, it shows self-respect. When you're able to say no easily and without guilt, you might even find that you are more willing to volunteer and/or participate because when you do, it will be out of joy, not obligation.

充滿愛心的說“不”，這展現自我尊重。當你能夠簡單說“不”而且不抱怨負罪感的時候，你可能甚至發現，你更願意自願和/或加入，因為當你做這件事的時候是出於喜悅而非責任。