海倫·凱勒自傳《我的生活》第51期

Last year, my second year at Radcliffe, I studied English composition, the Bible as English composition, the governments of America and Europe, the Odes of Horace, and Latin comedy. The class in composition was the pleasantest. It was very lively. The lectures were always interesting, vivacious, witty; for the instructor, Mr. Charles Townsend Copeland, more than any one else I have had until this year, brings before you literature in all its original freshness and power. For one short hour you are permitted to drink in the eternal beauty of the old masters without needless interpretation or exposition. You revel in their fine thoughts. You enjoy with all your soul the sweet thunder of the Old Testament, forgetting the existence of Jahweh and Elohim; and you go home feeling that you have had "a glimpse of that perfection in which spirit and form dwell in immortal harmony; truth and beauty bearing a new growth on the ancient stem of time."

去年，也就是我在拉德克利夫學院的第二年，我主修的科目有英文寫作，《聖經》文學，美國和歐洲政體，賀拉斯頌詩，及拉丁文喜劇。最有趣，課堂氣氛最活躍的是寫作課。查爾斯·唐森·科普蘭先生的寫作課總是充滿了妙趣橫生、詼諧而睿智的語言，就那個學期而言，我覺得他比其他任何老師教得都好。他讓你領略到的是最純粹和最具震撼力的文學。在短短一個小時中，你可以盡情賞析前輩大師們的永恆魅力，你聽不到多餘的解釋和說明，一切都讓作品本身說話。由此，你會沉醉在他們那深邃的思想之中；你會全身心地陶醉於《舊約》那黃鐘大呂般的雷聲之中，乃至於忽略了耶和華上帝的存在；你會帶著這樣一種心情回家——你已經“窺見到不朽的靈魂以一種和諧的方式常駐人間，而真善美則是同上古精神一脈相承的不二準則”。

This year is the happiest because I am studying subjects that especially interest me, economics, Elizabethan literature, Shakespeare under Professor George L. Kittredge, and the History of Philosophy under Professor Josiah Royce. Through philosophy one enters with sympathy of comprehension into the traditions of remote ages and other modes of thought, which erewhile seemed alien and without reason.

這真是令人愉快的一年，因為我所學的科目特別合我的胃口，比如經濟學，伊麗莎白時期文學，還有喬治·L.吉特萊芝教授主講的莎士比亞，約西亞·羅伊斯教授主講的哲學史。一旦步入哲學的殿堂，你就會領略到久遠年代的種種傳統及其思想模式的精妙，而在不久前，這些知識在世人眼中還是陌生而不知所云的。

But college is not the universal Athens I thought it was. There one does not meet the great and the wise face to face; one does not even feel their living touch. They are there, it is true; but they seem mummified. We must extract them from the crannied wall of learning and dissect and analyze them before we can be sure that we have a Milton or an Isaiah, and not merely a clever imitation. Many scholars forget, it seems to me, that our enjoyment of the great works of literature depends more upon the depth of our sympathy than upon our understanding. The trouble is that very few of their laborious explanations stick in the memory. The mind drops them as a branch drops its overripe fruit. It is possible to know a flower, root and stem and all, and all the processes of growth, and yet to have no appreciation of the flower fresh bathed in heaven's dew. Again and again I ask impatiently, "Why concern myself with these explanations and hypotheses?" They fly hither and thither in my thought like blind birds beatingthe air with ineffectual wings. I do not mean to object to a thorough knowledge of the famous works we read. I object only to the interminable comments and bewildering criticisms that teach but one thing: there are as many opinions as there are men. But when a great scholar like Professor Kittredge interprets what the master said, it is "as if new sight were given the blind." He brings back Shakespeare, the poet.

不過，大學並不是萬能的“雅典學園”。你不會在這裡遇到偉大的靈魂，也不會與智慧面面相對，你甚至感覺不到他們手指的觸控。雖然他們是確實存在的，但是他們似乎已經變成了乾枯的木乃伊。在我們確信已經擁有了彌爾頓或者以賽亞之前，我們必須要將他們從知識的縫隙中抽取出來，並對其進行細緻入微的分析，而不僅僅是自作聰明的模仿。在我看來，很多學者都忘記了這樣一個事實，我們因偉大文學作品而產生的共鳴，更多地是依賴於我們深切的同情心，而非我們的理解力。問題是留存在人們記憶中的文化精髓極其稀少。不妨說，精髓的傳承猶如枝條上垂下的成熟果實——你能夠尋覓到一朵花、一條根莖和一束枝條的生長軌跡，但是你卻不會對滋潤鮮花的天堂雨露心存感激。我不耐煩地反覆問自己：“為什麼你要在意那些個解釋和臆測？”這樣的念頭在我的腦中飛來飛去，就像失明的鳥兒無助地在空中撲打著翅膀。當然，對於我們所讀過的那些著名作品的精髓，我並沒有全盤否定的意思。我所反對的只是冗長而令人困惑的評論，但有一件事是肯定的：有多少人就有多少種觀點。像吉特萊芝教授這樣的大學者在闡釋大師作品時曾說過，大師之作“恰如賜予盲人的新視覺”。的確，他正是把莎士比亞的詩人地位復原如初的先驅，也是帶給我們光明的使者。

There are, however, times when I long to sweep away half the things I am expected to learn; for the overtaxed mind cannot enjoy the treasure it has secured at the greatest cost. It is impossible, I think, to read in one day four or five different books in different languages and treating of widely different subjects, and not lose sight of the very ends for which one reads. When one reads hurriedly and nervously, having in mind written tests and examinations, one's brain becomes encumbered with a lot of choice bric-?brac for which there seems to be little use. At the present time my mind is so full of heterogeneous matter that I almost despair of ever being able to put it in order. Whenever I enter the region that was the kingdom of my mind I feel like the proverbial bull in the china shop. A thousand odds and ends of knowledge come crashing about my head like hailstones, and when I try to escape them, theme-goblins and college nixies of all sorts pursue me, until I wish—oh, may I be forgiven the wicked wish!—that I might smash the idols I came to worship.

然而，當我試圖解除安裝掉一半的課業負擔時，結果卻是每每而不可得；事實上，過重的思維負擔會令你無暇分享知識所蘊涵的巨大價值。在一天之內閱讀四本或五本不同科目不同語種的書籍，而且又不遺漏細枝末節，這顯然是不可能的事。當你帶著焦慮不安的心情匆匆閱讀，心裡只想著各種測驗和考試時，你的大腦就會變得無所適從，似乎有太多無用的小擺設堆在你面前，而如何選擇就成了一個問題。當時，我的腦子裡塞滿了各種各樣的問題，以至於無法將思路理清。無論何時，只要我一踏入意識王國的領地，我就會感到自己像一頭闖進瓷器店的公牛。成千上萬種零零碎碎的知識就像冰雹一樣在我的腦中四處飛濺，當我試圖逃離險境時，傳說中的妖精和校園水鬼就會緊追不捨，直到我願意——或者說遷就那些邪惡的意識肆虐橫行！——或許，我應該把頂禮膜拜的偶像統統砸碎。