我的前任很有魅力但卻吹毛求疵大綱
The dilemma I'm a woman in my early 30s and six Months ago I was dumped. Our relationship was long distance, developed quickly and was the most intense of my life. He is 10 years my senior and is a unique, charismatic, charming man who makes a good impression on everyone. In private, however, he could be unkind, judgmental and emotionally distant. He could also be demanding, controlling and critical. During our relationship he pushed me to enter his world of ideas, books, films and art.
年過30的我，進退兩難--六個月前，我被甩了。那是一段發展迅速的異地戀，也是我人生中最熱烈的一段感情。他比我大10歲，特立獨行而富有魅力，給所有人都留下了好印象。然而，私下裏的他卻刻薄、挑剔、與人疏遠。他也極爲苛刻、控制慾強、吹毛求疵。戀愛過程中，他迫使我進入他的世界，想他所想、看他所看（書、電影）、欣賞他所欣賞（藝術）。
If I didn't show enough interest, he would become disappointed and irritable. He would often ask me to articulate my thoughts and tell him what I needed, but I felt put on the spot and could never seem to act decisively in those moments. Now I am suffering a crisis of confidence as I struggle to define what makes me interesting. I can't seem to separate my own interests from his - and they all remind me of him. I was in the process of moving to his city (for career reasons as well) when he ended it. My plans have become totally destabilised and I have lost my sense of self.
如果我沒有表現出濃厚的興趣，他就會十分失望、脾氣暴躁。他也會讓我表達自己的想法，告訴他我需要什麼，但這種時候我往往覺得爲難，難以變得果斷。現在，我的自信心受挫，難以找出自身的閃光點。我好像難以將自己的興趣和他的興趣分開--所有這些都會讓我想起他。他決定分手時，我正打算搬到他的城市（當然也有工作原因）。我的計劃被完全打亂了，我失去了自我。Mariella replies No wonder. That's exactly what he was programmed to do. Most women I know have one such Svengali-style relationship under their belt. My own took up most of my late 20s, so I know what you are feeling. Often it's men that little bit older whose inability to achieve their own ambitions gives them a craving for moulding others.
馬瑞拉（Mariella）回覆道：難怪。他就是這麼計劃的。我認識的大多數女性都經歷過斯文加利式的戀情（Svengali-style relationship）。就我個人而言，這段戀情幾乎佔據了我二十七八年華的大部分時間，所以我明白你的感受。通常，這樣的男人都年紀稍大，他們無法實現自己的野心，渴望塑造他人。
These characters thrive on the taste of power it offers and the distraction from their own insecurities. Mostly, such relationships occur in our 20s when we are young enough to still be searching for our true selves and impressionable enough to cede trust to someone who makes it very clear that we're not up to scratch. These "role models" tend to impress upon us our own deficiencies with enough conviction that we foolishly hand over the reins to them to make better people of us.
這些人渴求權利，但卻因自身的不安全感而分散注意力。大多數情況下，這種戀情發生在20多歲，那時候的我們異常年輕，仍在追求真我；也極易受影響，輕易相信那些認爲我們不夠格的人。這些"榜樣"往往讓我們意識到自己的不足，並讓我們堅信：在他們的幫助下，我們會變得更優秀。
