你做好準備了嗎？結婚前要問自己的6個問題大綱

Millions of divorces take place all around the world every year. Many of them happen because one of the partners has changed significantly. Some of them happen because of the chronic cheating habits of either partner.

全世界每年都有成千上萬對夫妻離婚。其中許多婚姻破裂是因爲其中一方變心了。還有的是因爲其中一方存在長期欺騙行爲。

But most of them happen because they were not in the right marriage to begin with. Those marriages took place because the partners didn’t (or couldn’t) give as much thought to their decision (of getting married) as they should have.

但大多數人會離婚是因爲他們一開始就沒有選擇正確的婚姻。他們會結婚是因爲夫妻雙方沒有（或者沒能）對結婚這個決定做出應有的思考。

They didn’t ask the right questions. They weren’t ready for the right evaluations (of themselves and their partners) and couldn’t anticipate the profound change that marriage would bring to their lives.

他們沒有問自己正確嗯嗯問題。他們沒有準備對自己和另一半做出正確的評估，也無法預測婚姻將會對他們的生活帶來的巨大改變。

Are you thinking of getting married? In that case, have you made a careful assessment of your relationship to check if it is marriage-ready?

你正在考慮結婚嗎？如果是的話，你是否已經仔細評估過你們的關係，看看是否已經爲結婚做好準備了呢？

If not, here are the six crucial questions that you must ask yourselves before you pop the question. While there are many more factors specific to your relationship which you can (and should) take into account, make sure you don’t miss out on these six.

如果還沒有，下面這六個關鍵問題是你在準備結婚之前必須問自己的。關於你們的關係，還有許多你可以（或者應該）考慮的因素，確保你不會錯過這六點。

1. Are our life and career goals similar?

我們的生活和事業目標相似嗎？

Marriage is a decision to inextricably join your life with someone else’s. Aligning your life, career and other important goals is crucial.

一旦做出結婚的決定，你的生活就無可避免地會介入另一半的生活。調整你的生活、事業、以及其他重要的目標非常關鍵。

Do you want to settle down in a quaint suburb and have lots of kids? Then don’t marry someone who wants to live and work in five continents.

你想在一個清淨的郊區定居下來生很多孩子嗎？那麼就不要和那些想在世界各地生活工作的人結婚。

Are you planning to pool all your resources, throw them (and yourself) head-on into your new start-up – the dream of your life? Then don’t marry someone who wants a stable, cushy life and lots of “quality time” together.

你是否計劃把你所有的資源（包括你自己）全部投入到你畢生的夢想——你的新公司裏？那麼就不要和那些想要穩定、輕鬆的生活，而且想要總是黏在一起的人結婚。

2. Do we fulfill each other's needs?

我們是否可以滿足對方的需求？

We all have emotional, intellectual, physical, practical, social and various other needs from a relationship. If you’re in a relationship and are planning to get married, ask yourself – have you made a rational, clear-headed evaluation of whether and how much of your needs your significant other fulfills?

在一段關係中，我們都有情感的、理智的、生理的、實際的、社會的以及其他各種需求。如果你處在一段戀愛中正計劃結婚，問問你自己，你是否已經理性、清醒地評估過，你的另一半是否滿足了你的需求，滿足了多少？

Or are you glossing over your unfulfilled needs thinking “every relationship requires compromise”?

或者你是否正在掩蓋自己尚未滿足的需求，心想“每段感情都要學會妥協”？

This is important because when we’re in the throes of that addictive drug called love, we tend to see only positives in the person we’re in love with.

這一點很重要，因爲當我們在愛情這種會上癮的毒藥中掙扎時，我們都傾向於只看見我們愛的那個人的優點。

Now nothing can be truer than the fact that every relationship takes some ceding of grounds, and kudos to you if you’re willingly doing your bit. But if you ignore your basic needs, they will find a way to come back to you in the long run – in the form of fights, emotional abuse, cheating and even divorce.

事實上如果你想繼續下去，每段感情都需要一些退讓，放下一些尊嚴，這一點再正確不過了。但是如果你忽視了自己基本的需求，它們最終還是會回來找你——形式也許是爭鬥、精神虐待、欺騙甚至離婚。

3. Do we know really know each other?

你們真的瞭解對方？

I was once with a guy who lied about his age on Facebook, and I never asked him about it. We were six months into the relationship when I discovered he was five years older than I thought.

我曾經交往過一個男人，他在Facebook上僞造了自己的年齡，而我也從沒問過他。當我們交往六個月時，我發現他比我以爲的要大五歲。

Yes, you guessed it – that was not the only lie on which the relationship was based. No wonder we didn’t stay together much more than a year.

沒錯，你猜對了——這並不是他對我撒的唯一一個謊。難怪我們相處沒到一年就分手了。

Knowing your partner and allowing them to know you are vital aspects of a stable relationship. Trust takes an immense amount of work (and time) to build, but only seconds to lose.

對於一段穩定的感情來說，瞭解你的另一半並且讓他們瞭解你是至關重要的。建立信任需要大量的努力（還有時間），而失去信任只需要幾秒鐘。

Be honest and tell your partner everything you think they should know about you. This will make it easier for them to do the same. Needless to say, if you can’t trust your partner enough to do that, it is probably not the time to think about marriage.

誠實地告訴你的另一半所有你認爲他們應該知道的關於你的事情。這樣讓他們坦白起來也更容易一些。不用說，如果你還不能足夠信任你的另一半這樣做，也許你們還不是時候應該考慮結婚。

4. Do we know how to deal with each other’s "negative" sides?

我們是否知道該如何應對對方的消極面？

You can’t live without your dogs. But your girlfriend would rather die than live with them. You’re a devil incarnate when you’re angry. You’re struggling with a bad spending habit.

沒有了你的狗狗你就不能活，而你的女朋友寧願不活了也不願意和它們一起生活；當你憤怒時你就會變成惡魔；你正在和不好的消費習慣作鬥爭。

We all have our negative aspects. If you’re thinking about making a lifelong commitment to someone it’s crucial to understand and develop strategies to deal with each other’s less-than-desirable traits.

我們都有自己的缺點。如果你正在考慮向某人許下一生的承諾，那麼理解並想出辦法應對彼此那些不太盡如人意的特質就非常重要。

Make a conscious decision to go (or not to go) pet-less for the rest of your life for a partner who’s allergic to your pets. Make your peace with the problematic spending habits of your significant other before you decide to take the plunge.

你的另一半對你的寵物過敏，那你就得做一個清醒的決定，選擇未來過（或者不過）沒有寵物的生活；在決定是否結婚之前，要確認自己是否能忍受另一半不良的消費習慣。

It takes time to understand and deal with things we don’t like about our partners. And until and unless you’ve spent that time, you’re not ready to make a decision on marriage.

理解並應對那些另一半身上我們不喜歡的東西是需要時間的。除非你付出了這個時間，否則你就還沒有做好準備要結婚。

5. Do we admire and respect each other?

我們是否讚賞並尊重對方？

Intelligence? Simplicity? A caring heart? A strong common interest? Is there something in him/her which genuinely complements you in ways more than one?

智慧？天真？善心？強烈的共同興趣？他或她的身上是否存在着不止一樣東西可以和你互補？

Falling in love with someone “for no particular reason” is great for the heady period of infatuation but not nearly enough for the everyday reality of marriage.

和某人“莫名其妙”地墜入愛河在瘋狂的迷戀期是好的，但對於每天現實的婚姻來說就不夠了。

Ask yourselves whether you admire each other for the special individuals that you are and the unique qualities that you both possess.

問問你自己，你們是否因爲彼此的特別和共同擁有的特質而相互讚賞。

Marriage is a long – sometimes boring, but stable – commitment. It cannot be based on whether someone is exciting to you. It has to be about finding long-term fulfilment and happiness in the individuals that you are.

婚姻是一種長期的承諾，有時候很無趣，但是又很穩定。它並不建立在一個人是否讓你興奮的基礎上。它必須在你身上找到長期的成就感和幸福感。

6. Am I ready to think of him/her as a parent of my children?

我是否準備好讓他/她做我孩子的父親/母親？

You love your partner like mad? Great. But do you also respect them? Are you proud of them? Remember, your legacy to this world will be as much a part of you as of him/her.

你瘋狂地愛着你的另一半？很好。但是你是否也尊重他/她，爲他/她感到驕傲呢？記住，你對這個世界的遺產就是你們二人結合的一部分。

Unless it fills your heart with joy to think of them as a parent of your children, you should probably think about that marriage thing again. In this regard it’s important to take not only your significant other, but also their family into account. Your child will carry as much of your genes as theirs. Is that something that makes you happy?

除非你一想到他/她會成爲你孩子的父親/母親就滿心歡喜，否則你恐怕應該重新考慮婚姻這件事。在這一點上，不僅要考慮你的另一半，還要考慮到他的家庭，這是很重要的。你的孩子攜帶的他的基因會和你的一樣多。這會讓你感到高興嗎？

Marriage is a decision that will change your life, one way or the other. Keeping a few basic principles in mind and asking the right questions will make sure you steer clear of pitfalls that often contribute to divorce.

婚姻是一個會改變你一生的決定，不管以何種方式。記住一些基本的原則，問自己這些正確的問題。這會確保你避開那些通常會導致離婚的陷阱。