生活隨筆：學會像孩子一樣交友

摘錄：一些小孩在去練體操，組樂隊，看戲劇……時他們會顯得特別活躍。其實，這些活動都是小孩們真正享受的。妙就妙在這裏，一羣小孩因爲他們共同的愛好而聚在一起。這個共同點將他們連在一起。若在酒吧就不會有這樣的共同興趣活動了。硬要說有的話，那就是人們都是到這裏來社交的。所以，肯定是“交際家”取勝。爲什麼不到一個有共同興趣的地方去呢?如果你喜歡寫作，加入作家協會將是個不錯的選擇。這樣你就可以與他們保持聯繫，然後製造一個話題開始討論。

Can you really make new friends as an adult? I mean, there's plenty advice out there on how to help kids make friends. But if you don't have friends by the time you're an adult, it seems the world hands you a dunce cap and shows you to the corner.

作爲一個成年人，你真的能夠結交新朋友嗎?我是說，小孩可以獲得各種交友建議。但是如果成年了的你還沒有任何朋友，似乎是這世界給了你一頂傻瓜帽，然後你戴着它站在牆角。

After all, many adults have all the friends they need or want, right? People get married, have kids and have little time for others outside their family. Doesn't that make it harder to meet new people after a certain age?

畢竟，大多的成年人都會有他們需要或者想要的朋友，對吧?人們結婚，生子，沒有時間出去交際應酬。如此一來在到了某個年齡段交友是不是變得越來越難?

Well, yes and no. Depending on your geographic location, yes, many people “settle down” after a certain age. But not everyone. And while it may take a little more time to “warm up” a new friend as an adult, it can certainly be done.

當然，是與否。取決於你的地理位置，若是，因爲大多數人到了某個年紀都會安定下來。但並非每個人都會那樣。也許成年人需要多花點時間去熟絡新朋友，最後肯定會成功。

In fact, many of the techniques kids instinctively use to make friends on the playground work for ages 4 thru 104. So here are 5 habits of highly social children that can help you make friends even if you're way past your school days.

事實上，小孩在運動場上慣用的交友技巧普遍適用於4歲-104歲的人。所以，下面善於交際的小孩的5個習慣能夠幫助你去結識朋友，即使你已經告別學生時代。

RAGE CURRENT SOCIAL ASSETS

1.充分利用現有的社會資源

I remember back in Kindergarten (before I got awkward)， I would make friends through other friends. One buddy might have a birthday party where I'd meet other kids. Some would become new friends. It's not quite as easy as an adult, but the same principle applies. First ask yourself, who are you already around on a normal basis? This might include:

我還記得在幼稚園的時候(在交友技巧變拙劣前)，我能夠通過別人認識新朋友。某個夥伴開派對，我們就可以在派對上結交其他的小孩。其中一些就會成爲朋友。這對成年人來說不怎麼容易，但道理都一樣。首先，問問你自己平常都跟誰在一塊?可能包括：

Current friends 現在的朋友

Coworkers 同事

Family members 家庭成員

Then, be aware of invites from these “social assets” and say yes to birthday parties, reunions, holiday events, after work drinks, company picnics, etc. At these events, you'll likely meet new people who are friends of friends or family.

然後，要對這些社會資源有所意識，積極對他們的邀請做出迴應，像生日派對，聚餐活動，假日活動，下班小酌，公司野餐等等。出席了這些活動，你就可能遇見來自朋友或家人的朋友。

TO INTEREST GROUPS, NOT BARS

2.加入興趣組織，而非酒吧

Some kids are really active going to gymnastics, band, theater and more. Ideally, these are activities the kids enjoy. And there lies the magic. You have a group of kids, all doing something they love, together. That's where the bonding comes. There's seldom any shared activity or interest in a bar. The common thread in bars, if there is any, is people go there to socialize. So, the greatest “socializers” win. If you aren't that comfortable socializing, you strike out. Instead, why not go somewhere you know the people will share your interests? For example, if you're interested in writing, it's a good bet members in a writer's group will be too. So you have an instant connection with them and a built in topic to start conversations.

一些小孩在去練體操，組樂隊，看戲劇……時他們會顯得特別活躍。其實，這些活動都是小孩們真正享受的。妙就妙在這裏，一羣小孩因爲他們共同的愛好而聚在一起。這個共同點將他們連在一起。若在酒吧就不會有這樣的共同興趣活動了。硬要說有的話，那就是人們都是到這裏來社交的。所以，肯定是“交際家”取勝。爲什麼不到一個有共同興趣的地方去呢?如果你喜歡寫作，加入作家協會將是個不錯的選擇。這樣你就可以與他們保持聯繫，然後製造一個話題開始討論。

RE OUT YOUR MOST IMPORTANT VALUES

3.認識你最閃光的價值

Another reason kids make friends easily is they have a lot in common. Kids believe:

小孩交友容易的另一個原因就是他們有太多共通點。他們相信：

Playing is important

玩耍很重要

Slides are cool

滑滑板很酷

Candy is good

吃糖是好事

It's not so clear cut with adults is it? We've developed our likes and dislikes over time. But the playground rules still apply: You connect deeply with others by having similar values to them. Now, of course you shouldn't go adopting values and beliefs just to fit in. No, you figure out the things most important to you then express them in your words and actions. Yes, this means you might turn off some people who don't share your values. But you're more likely to connect with those who do.

成年人的喜好就迥然不同了對吧?經過歲月的洗禮我們都會養成喜歡這個或討厭那個的習慣。但操場規則依然生效：通過相同的價值觀，你能跟別人從內心深處去交往。現在，你當然沒必要刻意去迎逢別人的價值觀和信仰。但是，你要認識出對你來說最重要的東西，然後用你的語言和行爲表達出來。的確，這樣會將不同價值觀的人拒之門外。但你也更有可能結交志同道合之人。

TO THE SAME PLACE AT THE SAME TIME

4.固定時間去同一地點

Kids in school see each other every day in the classroom, on the playground, on the bus… It becomes easier to notice, get to know, and eventually like Mary or Jake when you see them so often. For adults, repeat exposure and time spent together still work wonders. Try going to the following on the same days of the week at the same time of day:

學校裏的孩子每天都能夠在教室、操場、巴士上碰面。久而久之這樣就更容易注意對方，瞭解對方，甚至是喜歡上對方。對於成年人來說，提高見面的頻率和時間，同樣能夠產生如此奇蹟。試着在一週的某天或某天的同一時間去固定的地方：

A local coffee shop

當地咖啡店

The gym

體育場

A low-key local pub (not a club or “hoppin” bar)

低調的當地酒吧(不是俱樂部或很“嗨”的酒吧)

There may be others who visit at those same times also. Plus, the staff will start to recognize you. Over time, you can get to know them and they'll become comfortable with you from the mere-exposure effect.

那裏可能也會有其他人在這個時間出現。另外，工作人員也會開始注意你。時間久了，你就會了解他們，他們也會因單純曝光效果而跟你熟絡起來。

E MORE ABOUT YOURSELF

5.更多地展現自己

Kids, at least the very social ones, will often say, “hey look what I can do.” Even if all they're doing is sticking out their tongue. And hey, people look. The point is, these kids get noticed. They don't fade into the background. This can be a problem for adults, especially us introverts. We enjoy our privacy more than most. The thing is, just like those outgoing kids, you'll get noticed and often liked more when you speak up and let others get to know you. The good news is, you don't have to have verbal diarrhea to do this. Just reveal little tidbits about yourself throughout a conversation.

小孩，算得上是很有交際能力的，他們會經常說：“嘿看看我能做什麼。”即使他們所做的只是吐吐舌頭。但注意，人們就是會看他們。其關鍵在於，這些小孩得到了注意。而非成爲背景。這卻是我們成年人，尤其是內向的成年人的問題。我們現在比以往都要沉浸在自己的世界裏。重要的是，學習一下那些外向的小孩吧，大聲地說話讓大家瞭解你，這樣你就更能夠得到別人的關注和喜愛。值得慶幸的是，你不必像別人大吐特吐你的內心世界，只要在交流中稍稍透露一點真實的你就行了。

When talking about your job, mention how your brother inspired your career moves.

當談論到工作，你就一筆帶過說你的兄弟是怎樣鼓舞你創業的。

Ask what they like to do for fun, then reveal your favorite free-time activities.

問問他們喜歡找什麼樣的樂趣，然後再說出你空閒時最喜歡的活動。

Show vulnerability once you get to know each other, like how you try to eat better but keep hitting Dunkin' Donuts.

一旦瞭解了彼此，就透露一些缺點，比如你想吃得健康營養，卻又不停地吃Dunkin‘甜甜圈。