英語的幽默短笑話

下面是本站小編整理的英語幽默短笑話，希望對大家有幫助。

　　英語幽默短笑話：

man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最後男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."

　　英語幽默短笑話：

Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?" 兩個獵人進森林裏打獵，其中一個獵人不慎跌倒，兩眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一個獵人趕緊拿出手機撥通緊急求助電話。接線員沉着地說：“第一步，要先確定你的朋友已經死亡。”於是，接線員在電話裏聽到一聲槍響，然後聽到那獵人接着問：“第二步怎辦?”

英語幽默短笑話：Talking clock

會說話的鐘

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

一個學生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那個大銅鑼和錘子是幹什麼用的?”他的一個朋友問他。“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個會說話的鐘”，學生回答。“這鐘怎麼工作的”，他的朋友問。“看着，別眨眼了”，那學生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。突然，他們聽到隔壁牆那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡!現在是凌晨兩點鐘了!”

　　英語幽默短笑話：Secret For a Long Life

A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?"

"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise."

"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-six."

長壽祕訣

一位女士走向坐在門廊的椅子上搖動的小老頭。

“我無意中發現，你是多麼幸福，”那女士說。“你幸福而長壽的祕密是什麼?”

“我每天抽三包煙，每週喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且從來不曾鍛鍊。”

“哦，真神奇，”女士說。“你高壽?”

　　英語幽默短笑話：Navajo Message For The Moon

納瓦夥族人給月球的訊息

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajoreservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew, who were walking among the rocks.

在美國國家航天局準備阿波羅航天計劃時，他們讓宇航員們去亞利桑那州納瓦夥族保留區進行訓練。某天，一位納瓦夥族老人和他兒子遇見正在岩石間穿行的航空工作人員。

The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people:

老人問了航天局人員一個問題，但他只會說納瓦夥族語，兒子幫他進行了翻譯：

"What are these guys in the big suits doing?"

“這些穿着厚重衣服的傢伙在幹嘛?”

One of the astronauts said they were practicing for a trip to the moon. When his son relayedthis comment, the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.

一個宇航員說他們正爲去月球進行訓練。當兒子傳達給老人後，老人非常興奮地問道能否請宇航員們爲他向月球傳遞一條訊息。

A NASA official said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder. The Navajo elder's comments were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. But he refused.

航天局官員回答：“當然可以啦!”並吩咐下屬拿來錄音機。老人的留言非常簡短，航天局官員問老人的兒子可否告訴他們老人說了什麼，但他拒絕了。

Finally, an official government translator was summoned. The translator relayed the message:

最後，他們請來了一位政府翻譯員，他轉述道：

"Watch out for these fellows! They have come to steal your land."

“小心這些傢伙!他們來搶你們的領土了。”

　　英語幽默短笑話：

Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.

在期末考試之前，湯姆告訴他的母親：“媽媽，我昨天晚上做了一個夢，夢見我通過了今天的考試。”“不要相信夢，親愛的。據說夢中的經歷通常與現實相反。”媽媽答道。“那麼，我真希望在今晚的夢中，我的其他功課都不及格。”湯姆說。