美國感恩節聚會變身財務大討論

For most American families, there's one major money-related tradition associated with Thanksgiving: Black Friday shopping. But for others, bargain hunting takes a back seat to a financial reality check. They use this time together as an opportunity to discuss and review a host of financial issues ranging from estate planning and wills to investment and philanthropy.

And financial advisers, who sometimes attend more formal versions of these Thanksgiving conversations, have much to share in terms of what direction these meetings can take. They stress that with a little preparation, and a lot of nonconfrontational goodwill, families can come out with an increased sense of connectedness, cooperation and shared vision.

Still, it's hard to gauge how family members will react, even to the most innocuous statements. Every tribe has its more emotional and melodramatic types, and so it's crucial to limit the chances of misinterpretation or outbursts. This may be especially true if younger adults are involved and feel cornered in front of the whole family, experts say.

"Listening is the most important part," says Ben Tobias, president of Tobias Financial Advisors in Plantation, Florida. If a son or daughter wants to join the Peace Corps instead of get a more traditional job, "find out the reasons why, and remember that doing something for two or three years can be a valuable experience. But ask, 'Have you given any thought to your plans after that?' You want them to look a little more in the future than just immediate gratification."

"It's like the facts of life talk with our kids; no one wants to have it, but you have to do it," says Eleanor Blayney, consumer advocate for the Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards. "People worry that if they sit down with Mom or Dad, it will be awkward or difficult. But it's important to open up about your goals and aspirations, and then ask people in the family what their situation is. You model the conversation by sharing where you are."

Conversely, Blayney says these meetings may go "one generation up," where the needs of aging parents or grandparents get discussed. That gets tricky for many, as three out of four Americans have never discussed long-term care with their loved ones, according to Genworth's 2011 Financial Reality Check Study.

If that subject is on the agenda, "Be straightforward and don't take family members by surprise," says Genworth national spokesperson Wendy Boglioli. "Tell your family that you have something important you want to talk about and do it in a comfortable, pleasant setting."

"With elder parents, you have to ask them if they need some help with living expenses, medical expenses, all sorts of things," adds Bob Stammers, head of investor education for the CFA Institute, a global nonprofit of investment professionals from more than 100 countries. "Some people don't like to talk about it, and so you have to come at it from the heart. The older generation doesn't like to admit they need some help."對於大多數美國家庭來說，有個主要的與錢有關的傳統也和感恩節相關：“黑色星期五”購物。但是對於其他人來說，買便宜貨倒是處於次要地位，更重要的是審視財務狀況。他們利用感恩節的聚會來探討並回顧衆多財務問題，從房產計劃、遺囑，到投資和慈善，多種多樣。

財務諮詢師對於會議的方向上有很多經驗可以分享，這些諮詢師有時還參加更正式的感恩節交流會。他們強調，只需要稍許準備，友善且不針鋒相對，家庭成員就能在交流中更具互通、合作和共享的意識。

但是我們依然很難估計家庭成員會作何反應，甚至是對一些無傷大雅的表述。每個家族都有自己情緒化和戲劇性的風格，所以減少誤解或者情感爆發的機率至關重要。專家認爲，如果有年輕人蔘加，而且感覺遭到整個家庭的排擠時，這一點尤爲真切。

“傾聽是最重要的，” 佛羅里達州普蘭泰申的托比亞斯財務顧問公司總裁本•托比亞斯說道。如果兒女想加入美國和平隊，而不是找一份更傳統的工作，“找出原因，而且記住，花兩三年做點事情是寶貴的人生經歷。但要問問，‘你有沒有想想這之後怎麼辦？’你想要子女們多想想未來，而不是暫時滿足。”

“這有點像跟孩子討論性知識，沒人想這樣，但你必須得做。” 註冊金融策劃師標準委員會的消費者權益倡導者埃莉諾•布萊尼說道。“人們擔心坐下來和父母談話很尷尬很艱難。但是坦誠地說出目標和願望很重要，之後詢問一下家人的近況。和他人分享你的境況可以引導談話。”

但布萊尼卻認爲這些聚會可能變成“上一代”大討論，討論上年紀的父母或者祖父母的需求。這對很多人來說很棘手，房地產信託投資機構蓋恩沃斯的2011年財務狀況審視研究報告顯示，3/4的美國人從未與家人討論過長期照料問題。

蓋恩沃斯公司的全國發言人溫迪•博格利奧利說，如果這個話題提上議事日程，“直截了當地提出來，不要讓家庭成員感到驚訝。告訴你的家人，你有重要的事想說，談話要在舒適愉悅的氛圍中進行。”

投資管理研究協會的投資者教育主管鮑勃•斯塔莫爾斯說：“對年邁的父母，你必須問問他們生活開銷、醫療費用等等用不用幫忙。有些人不喜歡談這些，因此你需要用心去說。老年人不喜歡承認自己需要幫助。”投資管理研究協會是一家全球性的投資專業資格非贏利性機構，會員來自100多個國家。