永遠不要貶低自己來擡高孩子
Don't Compliment Kids by Insulting Yourself
永遠不要貶低自己來擡高孩子
By now we know that when we praise kids, we should focus less on natural ability or intelligence and more on effort. As in, "You worked so hard on that homework!" versus "You're so smart!" But adults have another way of complimenting kids that we should also do away with—insulting our own ability by comparing it to theirs.
現在我們知道，表揚孩子時，不應執着於他們與身俱來的能力或智力，而應更多的關注他們的努力。例如，“這門功課你學得很用功哦！”而不是“你真聰明！”但成年人還應避免另一種表揚方式——貶低自己，擡高孩子。
On Reddit, user u/Luke_7 explains:
Reddit用戶u/Luke_7解釋道：
I work in a school and often hear adults say things like, "Wow, you're such a good artist! I can't draw anywhere near that well," or "You're so good at math, I could never do my times tables that fast." Using phrasing like that teaches kids (or anyone) that 1. All talent is competitive—how good you are at something is defined by how much better you are than others and 2. That their success makes others feel bad about themselves, and by extension they should feel bad about others' success.
我在學校工作，經常聽到孩子的父母說：“哇，你真是個有天分的藝術家！我可畫不到你這麼好，”或者“你的數學真好，我背乘法口訣表都沒有你快。”這種措辭會讓孩子（或任何人）覺得1.所有才能都是可比較的——對某事的擅長程度取決於你是否比他人更優秀；2.他們的成功會讓其他人產生挫敗感，引申開來，別人的成功也會讓他們感到失敗。
I have probably been guilty of this because, well, I can't draw as well as my son and he does intuitively understand math in a way I never have. But their success is not a success because of someone else's failure; it's because of the effort they've put in. So instead, u/Luke_7 offers this improved script:
我可能會因爲畫畫/數學不如兒子而感到慚愧，但他們的成功並不能反映別人的失敗；他們之所以成功是因爲他們付出了努力。所以，用戶u/Luke_7建議家長這樣說：
Model positive effort-based comments, like, "Wow you're so good at art! I hope I can be that good someday if I keep practicing!" Or non-comparative positive statements, like, "Wow you're so good at art! It's so fun to use your imagination to make something new."
表揚孩子付出努力的正面模板，例如：“哇，你畫的真好！如果我繼續練習的話，總有一天會畫得和你一樣棒！”非攀比性的正面評論，例如“哇，你畫的真好！你發揮了想象力，創造出的新畫作真是太有趣了。”
This goes for adults, too. I can tell you how lovely your home is without mentioning what a disaster mine happens to be at the moment. Putting ourselves down to raise up others can have the unintended consequence of making everyone feel a little worse.
這也適用於成年人。誇讚他人房子的同時無需提及自己家裏一團糟。貶低自己擡高別人會帶來意想不到的後果，最終導致心情變差。
