你會避開這7種最糟糕的求婚方式嗎?

Being engaged is all about going to cake tastings, being forced to have an opinion on centerpieces, and answering “how did you propose” about one billion times. Women expect to hear something romantic, like you swooped down on a flying unicorn and popped the question as you flew past the sunset. No one wants to hear that you asked her during halftime to order some more wings and/or marry you. Avoid looking like a completely douchebag by not proposing in any of the following ways.

訂婚了就要到處張羅：品嚐蛋糕，發表訂婚感言，還得不厭其煩地無數次回答：“你是怎麼求婚的？” 這個問題。女人喜歡聽到很浪漫的求婚戲碼，比方說你在夕陽的背景下騎着飛行的獨角獸，突然衝到她面前向她求婚。沒人會喜歡你在去訂雞翅的半路上問她要不要嫁給你。不想做個討厭鬼，就別像下面這幾種方式求婚：

7. The Post-Pregnancy Proposal 奉子求婚

Since it's not the 1950's anymore and out-of-wedlock mothers aren't required to wear the scarlet letter, there's no reason to pop the question just because she's pregnant. Getting married won't change the fact that a baby is coming and all your beer money is now going to be going into the diaper fund. Do the gentleman-like thing, ask for the kid to be named after you, write her a check for 18 years of child support, and get a vasectomy.

現在已經不是20世紀50年代了，未婚先孕的媽媽也不會被釘上恥辱柱受世俗的指責，所以不用在她懷孕的時候突然求婚。結婚不會改變孩子馬上要出生而你的零花錢得全部用作奶粉錢的事實。有點紳士風度，真誠地請求讓這個孩子跟你姓，給她寫張支票支付孩子未來18年的撫養費，然後去做結紮絕育手術。

小編注：《紅字》19世紀美國作家霍桑的代表作，書中的女主角因爲未婚先孕被迫帶上代表恥辱的鮮紅A字，A代表adultery。

6. The During Her Marriage Proposal 搶婚式求婚

Despite what Hollywood may tell you, brides do not want you barging into their wedding, stopping the vows, and proclaiming your love for them. And I'll tell you what, there are extremely high odds that she will say no. So have some class and save the big, romantic movie gestures for moments when they're needed — such as when you ask your girlfriend to choose you over her wildly successful job.

別管好萊塢電影是怎麼演的，任何新娘都不會想讓你闖入她的婚禮現場，阻止宣誓儀式，向她和她的新郎宣告你對她的愛。 跟你說實話吧，她十有八九會拒絕你。所以拜託你長點腦子，那些宏大浪漫的電影橋段留到需要的時候吧：比方說你要求女朋友在你和她的成功事業間做選擇的時候。

5. The Edible-Ring Proposal 藏在蛋糕裏的戒指

It sounds romantically-cliche to propose via an engagement ring hidden at the bottom of chocolate mousse. In reality, it's a subconscious death wish for your significant other. After all, if you were caught placing choke-able objects in someone's food in any other situation, you would be arrested for attempted murder.

把訂婚戒指藏在巧克力蛋糕裏求婚，聽起來似乎是很浪漫，但其實已經老掉牙了。實際上，這種求婚方式可能給你的另一半帶來潛在的死亡危險。畢竟在任何情形下你把可能會噎死人的東西放在別人的食物裏，你都可能因爲意圖謀殺罪被捕。

4. The Funeral Proposal 葬禮上的求婚

Going to a funeral naturally makes you freak out about your future. You're wondering if you've done anything worthwhile with your life besides that 9 minute keg stand junior year of college. But your mid-life crisis is no reason to reach out to last week's one-night stand and ask them to marry you. Instead of putting yourself on the fast track for a divorce, ask out the hottest girl at the funeral, and pray like hell you're not related.

參加葬禮一般都會讓你對未來感到崩潰。你會反思人生，覺得自己除了在大三的時候玩遊戲外，人生再也沒啥有價值的事情了。不過中年危機並不能成爲你的藉口，讓你向上周跟你一夜情的姑娘伸出魔掌讓她們嫁給你。別自己搭上閃電離婚的快車，不如邀請葬禮上身材最火辣的姑娘跟你約會吧，而且最好祈禱你們沒啥關係。

3. The Public Proposal 當衆求婚

Deciding to get married is kind of a big deal. It's up there with deciding what you should do for a living and what secret file name you should hide your porn under. So why put your girlfriend on the spot by popping the question in front of family and friends? Odds are she won't want to say “let's talk about this later” in front of everyone. Instead you'll get an awkward silence while she contemplates the question followed by a half-assed yes.

決定要結婚是件大事，和考慮要靠什麼謀生還有該把成人電影藏在哪個祕密文件下一樣重要。所以在大庭廣衆親朋好友面前突然當場求婚？有可能她不會當着大家的面說“我們晚點再說吧”，但是她在思考這個問題的時候，你得經歷一段尷尬的沉默，而她的回答也多半會是不情不願的“好吧”。

2. The Social Media Proposal 社交媒體求婚

Just because everyone communicates in 140 characters or less these days doesn't mean that you should propose via Facebook status. Nothing says I'm too lazy to get offline like an e-mail with the subject line “will you marry me。” And please don't think adding in a clever kissy smiley face will help matters at all.

雖然現在每個人都在用140字限制的社交網絡來相互聯繫，但這並不意味着你就應該通過facebook求婚。懶到發一份主題爲“你願意嫁給我嗎”的求婚郵件就匆匆下線，你別以爲加個可愛的親吻笑臉就能一切搞定了。

1. The Valentine's Day Proposal 情人節求婚

Isn't there enough going on with women carrying around carnations and adult men dressed as giant baby cupids? There's no need to add to the corniness of the holiday by throwing in a wedding proposal. The only exception to this cliche proposal is if you forget to get a gift and need to think of something in a hurry.

拜託，情人節的大街上抱着康乃馨的女人和穿成巨嬰丘比特的成年男人還少嗎？沒必要再老土到在這天提出求婚。不過這種老土的求婚戲碼也可以有例外：要是你忘了買情人節禮物得馬上想出點什麼驚喜的話。