寶典:戀愛中,處理好金錢問題的6個關鍵

Sit down and talk about financial goals and values. Many couples often neglect this step, even if it seems obvious and common-sensical. But because talking about finances can be uncomfortable, they leave these important things unsaid, and often don’t even think about it individually. They have goals and values when it comes to money, but they’re not examined. That’s a mistake, as one person might want to be frugal in order to save for future goals, while the other might like to spend and enjoy things now, while the getting is good. The differences often come from different upbringings, and they can be emotionally charged (see next step for more on this). It doesn’t have to be difficult, though. Just tell your partner you’d like to sit down and have a talk about the future — what your goals are and how you can work together, as a team, to achieve them. In the beginning, just start spitting out different things each of you wants — a house, kids, college education for the kids, a healthy emergency fund, nice cars, travel each year, nice clothes, gadgets and computers, etc. Then start to prioritize, and see if you can come up with things in common. If you want different things, it is important that you talk about why, and consider the other person’s desires. If that’s what makes the other person happy, you should want to make them happy — that’s the basis of a good relationship. But relationships aren’t one-sided, either, so you should be able to be happy too. The point is that both sides should be considered, and you should look for a win-win solution or compromise so that you can both be happy. It might take a few meetings to get to actual written goals, with a timeframe for each, but that’s where you want to be eventually.
1. 坐下來，談談有關金錢的目標和價值所在。

很多夫婦經常會忽略這一點，即使它是那麼地顯而易見,是常識性的問題。但談論金錢卻讓人感覺不舒服，所以他們不把這些重要的東西說出來，他們甚至不單獨地去思考這麼問題。在金錢上，他們有自己的目標和價值觀，但他們卻從不細想。這是錯誤的。因爲其中一個人想節儉點，好存錢來實現將來的目標；而另一個卻想着當下行樂。這差異通常是由成長經歷導致的，也可能是情感上的問題。（詳情請看第二點）然而，這不是什麼難題。只要告訴你的另一半你想坐下來，談談你們的將來---你們的目標和怎麼共同去實現你們的目標。首先，把你們各自想要的東西都說出來---一所房子，孩子，大學經費，突發醫療基金，靚車，每年旅遊一次，衣服，小配件，電腦等等。然後就開始優先排列，看看你們是否有哪些是一致的。假如你們想要的都不一樣，那麼給出理由是很重要的，並且要考慮一下另一半的慾望。如果那能取悅另一半，你就得那樣做---這是感情好的基礎所在。但感情也不是單方面的，所以你也得樂於那麼做。重點是雙方都要考慮，並且要找到一個雙贏的解決之道，又或者是作出讓步，這樣才能皆大歡喜。在寫目標，制定時間之前，很可能需要多次交談，但這也正是你們最終會經歷的一步。

Remove emotions from financial talk. From your first meetings about financial goals to your subsequent weekly talks (see Step 5), it’s important that the two of you stay calm, don’t get hurt or angry over any of the issues, and try to look at these issues objectively. Often financial issues are tied up in all kinds of emotional issues, stemming from childhood, from issues of security to feeling like your way is better to feeling hurt if your way of spending is criticized in any way, and much more. These emotional issues are all tangled together with financial issues, and it’s important that you untangle them and just deal with financial goals and habits. First, don’t use emotional, accusatory, or inflammatory language. Don’t blame the other person or even be negatively critical. Simply talk about your financial goals, developing a plan for getting to those goals, developing a system for dealing with finances, and so forth. Also try not to feel like you’re under attack if the other person talks about your goals or habits — let this be an open discussion, and if you feel under attack, stop and take a breath and remember that this isn’t a discussion about you personally but about how the two of you are going to meet your goals. Again, think of this as a team effort, not as a you-vs-me effort.
2. 交談中要排除情緒的干擾。

從你們的第一次有關金錢上的目標的談話到之後的每週一談（參見第五步），重要的一點是兩個人都要保持冷靜，不要在任何的話題上受傷或者生氣，並嘗試客觀地看待問題。通常金錢上的問題會跟情感糾結在一起。這些情感源自於童年也好，自我防護意識也罷，都比你因爲你的消費而遭受批評而受傷來得好。這些情感都與金錢問題交織在一起，重要的是你們要把它們分開來，只是處理金融目標和各自的愛好而已。首先，不要使用情緒化的，非難的，或者是激動的言語。不要責怪另一半或者是對另一半有非議。要單純地商談你們的金融目標，制止一個計劃去實現這些目標，或擬定一種機制去處理這些目標等諸如此類的東西。還有，當另一半在談着你的目標和愛好時，儘量不要感覺自己象是在被攻擊，靜下來並深呼吸，提醒自己這不僅僅是在談論你自己而已，而是在商談實現你們共同目標的解決之道。再一次，出發點是兩個人，而不是你我間的較量。

Come up with a plan to meet your goals. Once you’re able to come up with common financial goals (a huge step — celebrate!), you need a plan to get you there. This will take into account your joint income, your debt, your savings, how much you can put towards debt and/or saving each month, whether you want to cut back on certain things in order to meet your savings goals, how long you want to give yourself to meet financial goals, and so forth. Start by having a definite timeframe for each goal, and then figure out how much you need to save (or pay towards debt) each month to get to your goals. Create a spending plan (if you haven’t yet) for each month, and see if you can adjust it to meet that monthly goal. You might need to cut back on some things, or earn extra income, or both. Or you might discover that your goals aren’t realistic and you need to cut back on them, reprioritize, or push them back a bit in order to meet them. This plan to meet your goals is how you will align your daily and monthly spending with your long-term goals. It’s also a great way to resolve minor short-term disputes — you should definitely buy fewer shoes, and I should buy fewer video games, so we can buy that house in three years and travel to Europe in two years.
3. 設法制定計劃來實現你們的目標。

一旦你們能找到金錢上的共同目標（很關鍵的一步---恭喜），你們就得有一個計劃去實現你們的目標。這得考慮一下你們的收入，你們的債務，你們的存款，你們償還債務的金額或是你們每個月的存款金額，你們是否願意縮減在一些事物的開支來實現目標等等等等。首先每個目標都得有確切的時間限制，然後才能確定你們每個月要存多少錢（或是要還多少錢）。 創建一個每月的消費計劃（如果你現在還沒有的話），看看你們兩個能否爲了目標而調整自己的消費支出。很可能你們得縮減開支，或賺更多的錢，又或是你們得把這兩點都做到。也可能你們發現你們的目標不太現實，所以你們會取消這個目標，重新優先別的目標，或者是把不太現實的目標推後，以後再實現。實現目標的計劃即是平衡你們日常開支和長遠目標。這也是消除短期小分歧的好方法，如你得少買些鞋子，我得少購些遊戲帶，這樣我們才能在三年內買房子，在兩年內實行歐洲之旅。

Develop a system for finances that works for both of you. In order to put your financial plan into action, you’ll need to figure out how you’re going to pay your bills, pay debt, deposit into savings, have money for various spending needs (like gas and groceries and eating out), and so forth. Someone will have to take responsibility for each part of the system (it’s better if you’re both involved, but you should find what works best for you as a couple). One person might go to the bank while the other updates your financial program (like Quicken or Money) or your checking register to make sure you’re in balance, for example.
4. 擬定一個對兩者都有益的消費機制。

爲了執行你們的金融計劃，你們得明白如何去繳費，償還債務，存錢，和準備日常生活開支（汽油費，生活用品費用，外出就餐費用）等等。這就涉及到誰來負責消費機制中的某一項目了（最好兩個人都能分擔，但你們得找到你們都能受益的最佳方法）。比如，其中一個人去銀行，而另一個更新你們的機制（象點對點一樣），或是確認你們的收支是否處於平衡狀態。

Have weekly financial meetings. This is very important, and it’s a step that many couples overlook. Just because you have common financial goals and a plan and a system doesn’t mean that everything is fine. If one person takes responsibility for the finances, for example, and the other is out of the loop, then there will likely be problems down the road. I’ve known several couples like this — one partner took care of the finances and the other was blissfully ignorant … until it was revealed that they were way behind on payments and would soon have to file for bankruptcy. That wasn’t a good time in their relationship. To prevent problems like this, have a weekly meeting where you sit down and talk about finances. You can review your accounts, your spending plan, what is coming up in the next few weeks that you’ll need to budget for, any problem areas, what to do with your annual bonus, where you are with your goals, and so forth. Make sure you’re both caught up on everything, and that you’re working well as a team.
5. 開展每週金融會議。

這是非常重要的，這也是很多夫婦經常忽略的一步。就因爲你們有了共同的金融目標，金融計劃，金融機制，並不代表你們能高枕無憂了。例如，假如一方負責管理帳目，而另一方卻一無所知，那麼肯定會出現問題。就我認識的夫婦中，好些都有這樣的問題。一方管錢，而令一方則是盲目樂觀...直到發現自己入不敷出，並將很快破產。這時，兩者的關係肯定不怎麼好。爲了避免這種事情發生，開展每週金融會議吧，兩個坐下來，好好談談你們的財政情況。你們可以回顧一下你們的帳目，你們的消費計劃，看看接下來的幾周內你們要預算做些什麼，其中存在哪些問題，怎樣處置你們的津貼，你們的目標已經進行到哪一步... 確保兩個人都跟得上進度，並且兩個人共同努力。

Above all, stay positive and be honest. Remember: you’re a team. You have the same goals and you want each other to be happy. Team members can help each other out and encourage each other, or they can rip the team apart by being negative, by blaming, by working against common goals. If you always stay positive, you’ll succeed as a team. Be encouraging, stay focused on solutions not blame, and make sure love is the foundation of everything you do.
6. 最重要的，積極向上，誠實。

記住，你們是一個小團隊。你們有着共同的目標，你們都希望對方能快樂。團隊就意味着互相幫助，相互鼓勵，如果你們採取消極的態度，經常抱怨，與你們的共同目標背道而馳，那麼你們這個團隊肯定會解體。但假如你們態度一直積極向上，你們的團隊終將取得勝利。相互鼓勵，把重點放在解決問題上，而不是一味地指責對方，並且，確保你們所做的一切都是源於對彼此的愛。