迷失在哥倫比亞叢林的叛軍少女戰士

Melida was only 9 when guerrilla fighters lured her away with the promise of food as she played on the floor. For the next seven years she was held hostage by the rebels, forced to become a child soldier.

梅里達(Melida)在外面玩耍的時候，被游擊隊員用吃的誘拐走了。那年她才9歲。接下來的七年裏，她被叛軍扣押，被迫成了兒童兵。

Her family thought she had died in battle. Then Melida suddenly returned to her village at 16, carrying a pistol and a grenade. Only her grandfather recognized her — from a birthmark on her cheek.

家人覺得她已經在戰場上死了。然而16歲的梅里達突然帶着手槍和手榴彈回到了家鄉的村莊。只有祖父憑着她脖子上的胎記認出了她。

The very next day, the military surrounded her house, called by an informant seeking the bounty on her head.

第二天，軍隊就包圍了她的房子。她被懸賞捉拿，有人爲了賞金，叫來了軍隊。

“I found out my own father had turned me in,” she recalled.

“我發現舉報我的就是我的親生父親，”她回憶。

Colombia is nearing a peace agreement with the rebels to end a half-century of fighting, one of the longest conflicts in the world.

哥倫比亞的叛軍已經同政府戰鬥了半個世紀，這是世界上持續時間最長的衝突之一。如今，雙方正向着一份和平協議靠近。

More than 220,000 people have been killed, leaving a country bitterly divided over what role, if any, former rebels should play in society once they drop their weapons for a new, unarmed life outside the jungle.

戰爭中有超過22萬人遭到殺害，給這個國家帶來痛苦的分歧：一旦這些前叛軍放下武器，走出叢林，開始新的、非武裝的生活，他們能否融入社會？如果能，他們又該扮演怎樣的角色？

That includes thousands of rebel fighters who were raised since childhood to carry out armed struggle. Many of them know little else but war.

這涉及成千上萬的叛軍戰士，他們從小就被訓練拿起武器戰鬥，大多數人除了戰爭之外，其他事情所知甚少。

“There are times when I think about returning to the guerrillas because this life is hard here,” said Melida, now 20, who like other former child soldiers, asked that her last name not be used because she fears reprisals over her links to the rebels.

“有時候，我想過要回游擊隊去，因爲這裏的生活太艱難了，”如今已經20歲的梅里達說。和其他兒童兵一樣，因爲擔心與叛軍的關係招來報復，她要求不公開自己的姓氏。

She is now caught between two worlds, she says, belonging to neither. “True, we were children waiting for our deaths. But I’m always thinking about returning.”

她說，如今她被卡在兩個世界之間，卻不屬於其中任何一個世界。“沒錯，我們在那邊是隨時等待死亡的孩子，但我現在常想回去。”

The rebels, known as the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, or FARC, say they don’t recruit children. Yet during a recent visit to a FARC camp by The New York Times, a half-dozen soldiers as young as 15 said they had been recruited by the rebels only months earlier.

叛軍名爲哥倫比亞革命武裝力量(Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia)，簡稱FARC，他們說並不招募兒童。然而《紐約時報》最近探訪FARC營地時，發現其中有六七個士兵大約在15歲左右，他們說自己是幾個月之前才被叛軍招募進來的。

In government rehabilitation centers throughout Colombia, minors told similar stories of being spirited away to camps by rebels. Now they face a future for which they are thoroughly unprepared.

在哥倫比亞各地的政府康復中心裏，孩子們講述的經歷大同小異，都是被叛軍誘拐到軍營的。如今他們面臨着一個自己全無準備的未來。

Melida said that when her captors came to her house along the river, they drew her attention by saying they had soup in their canoe.

梅里達說，誘拐她的人來到她在河邊的家，說他們的獨木舟上有湯喝，就這樣吸引了她。

The guerrillas brought her up the river until they reached a distant camp. She woke up alongside several other children, each around 10 or 11. Their first lesson was hiding in trenches during bombings by the military.

游擊隊帶着她逆流而上，來到一處偏遠的營地。醒來時，她發現身邊還有其他幾個孩子，大都是10歲到11歲。他們的第一課就是在軍方轟炸時躲進壕溝。

Melida’s father, Moises, a traditional healer of the Amazon’s Cubeo group, was away at the time and did not return to their village for another month. He quickly left again to find the girl.

梅里達的父親莫伊塞斯(Moises)是亞馬遜庫貝歐(Cubeo)部落的行醫者，當時他不在家，接下來的一個月裏也沒有回村莊。回來後，他很快再次離家去尋找女兒。

Moises went to the guerrilla camp near the village and asked to meet the commander, a tall FARC fighter in fatigues.

莫伊塞斯來到村子附近的游擊隊營地，要求見指揮官，一個身穿迷彩服的高個子FARC戰士。

“I said, ‘I came for my daughter,’ ” Moises recalled. “He said she wasn’t there.”

“我說，‘我來找我女兒，’”莫伊塞斯回憶。“他說她不在那裏。”

In the camp, Melida had been renamed Marisol and began her schooling. A Dutch woman who had joined the fighters and spoke broken Spanish taught lessons on the history of communism, the FARC and Darwin’s theory of evolution, something Melida had never learned in her indigenous village.

在營地裏，梅里達被重新起名爲瑪麗索爾(Marisol)，開始了她的學習。一個加入叛軍的荷蘭女人操着結結巴巴的西班牙語，給他們講授共產主義與FARC的歷史，以及達爾文的進化論，這些都是梅里達從沒在家鄉的村莊裏學過的。

Melida was also learning to make land mines. One “looked like a fish” and was triggered with a tripwire made of string, she said. Another was called the “quiebrapatas,” or the “leg-breaker,” because it maimed rather than killed its victim.

梅里達還學習做地雷。她說，有一種“看上去很像魚”，由一根線繩做的絆索觸發。還有一種地雷名叫“斷腿雷”，因爲它的目的是導致觸雷者肢殘，而不是殺死他們。

“I said, ‘I want to go home,’ ” she remembered saying. “But they told me, ‘Once you enter a camp, you cannot leave.’ ”

“我說，‘我想回家’，”她回憶。“但是他們告訴我，‘一進營地，你就別想離開。’”

Years after she was kidnapped, FARC rebels passed through her village and mentioned Melida to her family.

她被誘拐數年後，FARC叛軍經過她的村莊，向她的家人提起她。

“They said she had died in an attack,” her father recalled. “After that, I just forgot about her. I thought it was best to forget.”

“他們說她在一場襲擊中死了，”她父親回憶。“後來我就把她忘記了。我覺得最好還是忘記。”

In reality, a commander in his 40s had taken an interest in her. At first, he followed her around the camp. Then one day, when she was 15, he asked her to wash his clothes in his tent.

事實上，一個40多歲的指揮官開始對她感興趣。起先，他在營地裏到處跟着她。後來，她15歲的時候，有一天，他讓她到他的帳篷裏給他洗衣服。

“Give me a kiss,” she recalled him saying.

“吻我一下，”她記得他這麼說。

“I don’t know how,” she said.

“我不知道怎麼做，”她說。

“Then I’ll teach you,” the commander said.

“那我來教你，”指揮官說。

She was later given a birth control implant in her arm and the commander forced her into a relationship, she said.

她說，後來她做了皮下埋植避孕，指揮官逼她和他發生了關係。

“Imagine waking up next to someone who was that old when you are that young,” she said.

“想想看，你還那麼年輕，每天早晨卻要在那麼老的人身邊醒來，”她說。

At 16, she asked the commander if she could visit her family. She was surprised when he agreed. Carrying the pistol and the grenade, she made her way back home for what was meant to be a short reunion.

16歲那年，她問指揮官能不能回去看看家人。讓她吃驚的是，他竟然同意了。於是她帶着手槍和手榴彈踏上了回家的路，本來只是想短暫地與家人重聚。

The village was unrecognizable. A warship was now stationed near the dock. The home from which she had been abducted was abandoned.

村莊已經變得認不出來。一艘軍艦停靠在碼頭。她當年遭到誘拐時住的那棟房子如今已被廢棄。

“I told the first person I saw that I was Mr. Moises’ daughter, and they said I couldn’t be because that daughter was dead,” she said.

“我告訴見到的第一個人，我是莫伊塞斯先生的女兒。他們說不可能，因爲那個女兒已經死了，”她說。

Melida says she does not know why her father turned her in to the military the next day.

梅里達說，她不知道父親第二天爲何向軍方告發了她。

“He wanted me not to go back perhaps,” she said. “He wanted the best for me.”

“可能是他希望我不要再回去，”她說。“他覺得這樣對我最好。”

But Moises, sitting in his daughter’s living room on a recent afternoon, offered another explanation.

但是前不久，坐在女兒的起居室裏接受訪談的莫伊塞斯給出了另一個解釋。

“I wanted to buy a motorcycle,” he said. After a moment he added, “They never gave me the reward I was promised.”

“我想買輛摩托車，”他說。過了一會兒他又補了一句，“他們根本沒把承諾的報酬付給我。”

The soldiers interrogated Melida at one base after another, she said. What was her real name, they asked? Who were her commanders? Where were the FARC bases?

梅里達被送到一個又一個基地接受審問，她說。他們問，她的真名是什麼，她的指揮官都有誰，FARC的營地都在哪裏？

After two weeks, Melida was taken to a government rehabilitation center for indigenous youth who had left the FARC. It was on a mountainside in an alien part of the country for Melida, who had never seen the Andes before she was captured.

兩個星期後，梅里達被送進政府爲離開FARC的土著青年開設的康復中心。它坐落在山坡上，國家的這個部分對於梅里達來說是完全陌生的，她被捕之前從來沒有見過安第斯山脈。

The center was home to about 20 other former child soldiers. Daily classes and chores, meant to adjust them to civilian life, were new to her. Other requirements, like another birth control implant, reminded her of the FARC.

中心住着20來個曾經的兒童兵。每天的課程和雜活對她來說是嶄新的，這些都是爲了讓他們適應平民生活。還有些要求讓她想起FARC，比如她又做了一次皮下埋植避孕。

War was constantly on Melida’s mind. “When I would get up, I would reach beside me to take my rifle and realize there wasn’t one there,” she said.

戰爭在梅里達的心頭總是縈繞不去。“起牀時，我總是在身邊摸索自己的來複槍，然後才意識到已經沒有槍了，”她說。

Víctor Hugo Ochoa, the center’s director, said Melida arrived angry and often threatened to run away. “It was hard to intervene,” he said. “She formed her own constellation of kids who turned on us.”

中心主管維克多·雨果·奧喬亞(Víctor Hugo Ochoa)說，梅里達剛來時怒氣衝衝，經常威脅要逃跑。“要進行干預是很困難的，”他說，“她在孩子們中間建立起一個自己的小團體，和我們對着幹。”

At night, Melida began sneaking out of the center with a man named Javier, whose mother was a cook there. He was nine years older than Melida, but the two would go out drinking and partying in a nearby town.

到晚上，梅里達開始和一個名叫哈維爾(Javier)的男人溜出去，他的母親是中心的廚師。他比梅里達大九歲，兩人經常溜出去喝酒，到臨近鎮上參加派對。

Javier had a bad history with the rebels. In 2004, his brother, a soldier, was killed by a FARC sniper. His family never forgave the guerrillas, a tension at the heart of any peace deal.

哈維爾和叛軍有一段仇怨。2004年，他的哥哥，一個軍人，被FARC的狙擊手打死了。他的家人始終不原諒游擊隊，這種矛盾成爲任何和平協議的核心難題。

Despite this, Melida and Javier realized they were falling in love.

儘管如此，梅里達和哈維爾發現他們相愛了。

“Why did it have to be her?” he said. “From the people who killed my brother?”

“爲什麼偏偏是她，”他說。“來自那羣殺害了我哥哥的人。”

Melida was forming another relationship — with her father, who began visiting to get to know her again.

梅里達還建立起了另一層關係——和她的父親。他開始經常來探望她，重新瞭解她。

After turning Melida in, Moises now wanted a role in his daughter’s life. But even communicating was a challenge: Melida had lost some of her fluency in Cubeo, the indigenous language they had spoken when she was a child.

舉報了梅里達之後，莫伊塞斯希望能夠在女兒的生活中擁有一席之地。但溝通起來非常困難：梅里達已經不能流利地說小時候的當地語言庫貝歐語。

“She was just some young lady I didn’t know,” he said.

“她就是一個我完全不認識的姑娘，”他說。

The new ties were changing her, Mr. Ochoa said. She was getting to know her two cousins, María and Leila, themselves former FARC members who had left the center. Javier’s mother, Dora, was teaching Melida to cook and clean, taking on a mother’s role.

新的關係慢慢改變着她，奧喬亞說。她認識了自己兩個表姊，瑪麗亞(María)和蕾拉(Leila)，她們都是已經離開中心的前FARC成員。哈維爾的媽媽朵拉(Dora)承擔起母親的角色，教梅里達烹飪和清潔。

Dora took Melida’s FARC history in stride. “My daughter is married to a policeman; another is with a soldier,” she said. “Javier is with a ex-guerrilla. The only thing we’re missing in this family is a paramilitary.”

朵拉對梅里達在FARC的那段歷史泰然處之。“我女兒嫁給一個警察；另外一個女兒和一個士兵在一起，”她說。“哈維爾和一個前游擊隊員在一起。現在我們家就缺一個準軍事部隊成員了。”

One day Melida’s birth control implant failed and she became pregnant.

一天，梅里達的避孕植體失效了。她懷孕了。

Dora pulled Melida aside. “I told her, ‘Now you have something to fight for that’s not the revolution.’ ”

朵拉把梅里達拉到一邊。“我告訴她，‘現在你有了可以爲之奮鬥的東西，不過不是革命。’”

Her daughter, Celeste, was born last year.

她的女兒塞萊斯特(Celeste)去年降生。

The daily tasks of motherhood consumed Melida for weeks. But the anger remained.

幾個星期以來，身爲人母的每日勞作讓梅里達精疲力盡。但她仍舊憤怒。

“She told me she was raised for war, not to care, not to be a lover,” Javier said. “She would tell me, ‘I love you, but understand my life hasn’t been easy.’ ”

“她告訴我，她從小學的是怎麼打仗，不是怎麼照顧人，也不是怎麼做一個愛人，”哈維爾說。“她總說，‘我愛你，但是你要理解我的生活並不容易。’”

Melida’s relationship with her father remains strained. They rarely talk about her life in rebel hands.

梅里達和父親的關係也一直緊張。他們很少談起她在叛軍手中的生活。

On a recent day, Melida was recovering from a blow to her face. “She started to argue with me and I hit her,” said Moises, looking at the ground.

前不久，梅里達臉上受了傷。“她和我吵，我就打了她，”莫伊塞斯兩眼盯着地板說。

Recently, Melida’s cousin Leila, the former FARC member, committed suicide. Melida sometimes travels to visit the unmarked grave.

前段時間，梅里達的表姐，前FARC成員蕾拉自殺身亡。梅里達有時會去探望那座沒有墓碑的墳塋。

Dora says Melida is too strong to take her own life. But she worries Melida might return to the guerrillas.

朵拉說，梅里達很堅強，不至於尋短見。但是她擔心梅里達會回到游擊隊去。

“She is a good mother and puts her daughter first,” Dora said. “But she also tells me she is bored and doesn’t like this life. And I tell her: ‘If you want to leave, then leave. But think of the girl. Leave Celeste with me.’ ”

“她是個好母親，總會把女兒放在第一位，”朵拉說。“但她也告訴我，她覺得無聊，不喜歡這種生活。我告訴她：‘如果你想走那就走吧。但是爲你女兒想想。把塞萊斯特留給我。’”