我爲何下決心轉換職業跑道

In November I wrote an article inciting people of a certain age to jack in their fancy jobs and join me in training to be a teacher at a tough London school. It was a tall order, but I hoped to rustle up enough interest for a small pilot project. A few dozen applications would have been decent. So far, Now Teach, the organisation I co-founded, has received nearly 800.

去年11月我寫過一篇文章，鼓勵特定年紀的人們辭去光鮮的工作，跟我一起去倫敦一所富有挑戰性的學校當老師。那是一份無法輕易應承的邀約，但我當時還是希望能有足夠多的人響應，讓我們能先搞一個試點小項目。本來能收到幾十份申請就不錯了。但截至目前，Now Teach，這家我和別人一同創立的機構，已經收到將近800份申請。

While sifting through them I have been looking for patterns, many of which are much as I expected — notably that the charms of the corporate world dwindle with time, while the desire to do something more useful gets stronger.

在篩選這些申請時我一直在尋找規律，其中有很多都不出我所料，特別典型的一種情況是：在大公司工作的魅力隨着時間推移慢慢減退，而想要做點有益於社會的事情的願望卻越來越強烈。

But there is one thing that has surprised me: the part played by death.

然而有一件事情讓我十分驚訝：那就是死亡對人們的影響。

Last week, a prospective teacher told me that what did it for him was the funeral of someone he had been at business school with. This man had become a distinguished doctor who had done so much good in his life. His former classmate looked at his own achievements in marketing and in property and resolved to do better.

前不久，一位申請者告訴我，促使他申請的契機源自一位商學院同學的葬禮。他的這位同學生前是頗具聲望的醫生，一生中做過很多善事。這讓他審視自己在營銷和地產業中取得的成就，並決定要做些更有益的事。

Mostly, the death in question is that of a parent, and often the last remaining one. Becoming an orphan in your fifties seems to encourage all sorts of people to stop doing something comfortable (like being a partner in an accountancy firm) and apply to do something exhausting and possibly very uncomfortable indeed (like being a physics teacher).

通常，具有這種影響的是父母一方的離世，而且往往是晚走的那個的離去。在50多歲成了孤兒，似乎確實能令各色人等放棄駕輕就熟的工作（比如在會計師事務所做合夥人）轉而投身於一份辛苦又很不熟悉的事業（比如做個物理老師）。

I ought not to be surprised by this, given it is precisely what happened to me. In May, my father died. He was 90 and had had a good innings. A couple of days after his death I dragged myself into work, knowing that Dad would have disapproved of my malingering at home.

我原本不該對此感到驚訝，因爲這正是我的切身經歷。去年5月，我父親去世了。父親享年90歲，算是終其天年。把他送走後過了幾天，我強迫自己去工作，因爲我知道我爸不會贊成我躲在家裏裝病。

I remember listening to colleagues arguing over a headline and gawping at them with incredulity. Seriously? I thought. I could not imagine how intelligent, grown-up people could care so much about which of two almost identical sets of words was better.

我記得當時聽到同事們爲了一個標題爭論不休的時候，我難以置信地盯着他們。不是吧？我心想。我當時無法想象，幾個有腦子的成年人怎麼會那麼斤斤計較兩句幾乎相同的話到底哪句更好一點。

At the end of that miserable first week, I told close friends I needed to do something different with my life, to which they all said the same thing: don’t. They pointed out that it would be mad to do anything rash when you are bereaved. This disconnected feeling, they warned, would not last.

就在那艱難的一週快要過去時，我對幾個親密的朋友說，我要用餘生乾點不一樣的事，這些人聽了之後都是一個反應：你別。他們指出，在失去親人時貿然行事是很瘋狂的。他們提醒我，這種孤立無援的感覺不會持續很久。

I knew they were right about the last bit. When my mother died 10 years earlier, I had entertained a brief teacher fantasy but it did not last and, within a couple of months, journalism seemed as charming as it had before.

我知道他們最後那一點提醒得沒錯。10年前我母親去世時，我曾有過當老師的念頭，但這個想法沒維持多久，幾個月後，新聞業在我眼中就恢復了從前的魅力。

But when Dad died, I knew that waiting would be fatal. Within six weeks I had found a partner to help me set up Now Teach and a couple of weeks after that I had told the Financial Times about my plans.

然而當我爸爸去世時，我知道自己不能再等了。不出6個星期，我就找到了一位合夥人來幫我創立Now Teach，幾周後我就把自己的計劃告訴了英國《金融時報》(Financial Times)。

Now that I discover my story is commonplace, I have been wondering what it is about death that is quite so galvanising. Most obviously, it forces you to ask yourself if you are doing what you really want to do. There is a cheesy trick practised by career coaches, in which they make you imagine your own eulogy. This has always struck me as too morbid and artificial to work, but the real death of someone you love makes you take stock, whether you want to or not.

自從發覺自己的經歷很普遍，我就一直在思考，是什麼讓死亡具有如此強大的激勵作用。最顯而易見的就是，死亡迫使人們捫心自問，當下做的是否就是自己真正想做的事。求職指導顧問有一種套路，就是讓人們想象自己葬禮上的悼詞。我總覺得這種演習太病態、太做作，根本起不到作用，但不管你願不願意，你所愛的人真的離世能讓你盤點自己的人生。

Second, death tears into routine. Part of the reason people trundle along in the same jobs is because it is easier to keep doing them than to stop. The brutality of death is a disrupter of habit — it stops the living in their tracks.

其次，死亡粉碎了我們習以爲常的一切。人們會囿於一成不變的工作，部分原因在於維持現狀要比停下來容易。死亡的殘酷在於它打亂了人們的習慣——讓生者在自己原本行進的軌道上停下來。

Becoming an orphan in late middle age can be liberating. It has made me more willing to take risks, with no parents to try to please or to care for in their declining years. With my children grown, I have fewer ties. So if I want to do something risky, there is no one to stop me.

在即將步入晚年時成爲孤兒可以讓人自由。這使我更想去冒冒險，因爲我不再需要取悅雙親或是在他們的垂暮之年悉心侍奉。我的孩子們已經長大，我的牽絆也越來越少。因此如果我想去冒險，再沒有誰需要顧忌。

The final point is about mortality. Everyone says the death of both parents forces you to think: it is my turn soon. But for me the reverse has been true. Given my father lived to 90, I will probably live longer still. I have just typed my details into an online life expectancy tool, which assures me that I will live until I am 94. “Thirty-seven years left!” it declared.

最後一個問題就是人終有一死的命運。人們都說，父母都已離世逼得人去想：很快就輪到我了。但對我而言，情況卻正好相反。考慮到我父親活到了90歲，我可能會活得更長。不久前我在一個預測壽命的在線工具中輸入了自己的信息，結果說我能活到94歲。“還有37年！”它如此宣稱。

Instead of time being frighteningly short, it may be even more frighteningly long. What the death of my father has taught me is that in late middle age there is plenty of time to start all over again.

比起時日無多，來日方長也許更令人膽寒。父親的離世教會我，在中年時代快要結束時，還有充足的時間可以從頭來過。