側耳傾聽 9招成就更棒的傾聽者
Despite being taught the importance of listening from a young age -- think about how many teachers have asked you to "put your listening ears on" -- the truth is, most of us aren't as good at the skill as we ought to be.
儘管從小時候起就被教導傾聽的重要性——想想多少老師讓你“豎起耳朵聽”——真相是，我們大多數人都不擅長本應擅長的技能。
Research shows that the average person listens with only 25 percent efficiency -- meaning there's a lot we're letting go in one ear and out the other. But as listening expert Paul Sacco, Ph.D., an assistant professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work, explains, there are just a few simple habits that set the real good listeners apart from the rest.
研究顯示一般人傾聽的效率只有25%——這意味着我們讓很多東西一耳進一耳出了。然而，正如傾聽方面的專家保羅·薩科博士所講，講真正好的傾聽者和其他人區分開的，只有幾個簡單的習慣。保羅現在馬里蘭大學社會工作學院擔任助理教授。
As Greek philosopher Epictetus once theorized, "We have two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak." So how do we start using those features moreproportionally -- or, as Sacco advises -- access our inner good listener?
希臘哲學家愛比克泰德曾將此理論化，“我們有兩隻耳朵一張嘴，是爲了讓傾聽達到講話的兩倍之多。”所以，怎樣開始更依比例來運用這些特徵呢？或者，如薩科所建議的——接近我們內在好的傾聽者呢？
以下的八個習慣，好的傾聽者會在每日的生活和對話中練習，你也可以博取爲自己所用。
They're present.
他們存在於當下。
Being mindful in conversations is a hallmark characteristic of a good listener, Sacco notes. When you're fully aware in the moment, you're more likely to retain what you're hearing and respond with more authenticity. That means stashing those phones and ridding yourself of all distractions.
留心對話是一個好的傾聽者的標誌特徵，薩科講道。當你完全留心於此刻，就更有可能保留你所聽到的，同時給出更準確的迴應。這意味着把手機放在一邊，擺脫所有讓你分神的事物。
"Good listeners really put everything down and focus on the person in front of them," he says. "And as a result, the other person becomes instantly aware that they have an interest in what they have to say."
“好的傾聽者會真正放下一切，專注於自己眼前的人，”他講道。“因此，講話的一方會當即感受到他們在意自己接下來要講的。”
They're empathetic.
他們會設身處地。
Part of effective listening is the effort to empathize with the person you're speaking with. Whether or not you're able to fully relate, your compassion won't go unnoticed. "Spend a moment putting yourself in their position, what's going through their head and what it must be like for them," Sacco says.
有效傾聽的一部分就是要嘗試站在和你講話的人的角度。無論你是否能完全設身處地，你的惻隱之心不會被忽略。“花些時間把自己擺在他人的角度，想想他們腦中所想以及由此而生的感受，”薩科講道。
"Understanding what their experience is even before you talk to them [can help you connect with them]. And it sounds bad, but even if you blow it, you're still better off because the other person will see the attempt."
“甚至在和他們講話前，就瞭解他們的感受。這點會幫助你和他們建立聯繫。雖然聽起來糟糕，可即使嘗試泡湯了，你仍有優勢，因爲另一個人會看到你的努力。”
They realize their shortcomings.
他們能意識到自己的缺點。
It may be a strange way of thinking about it, but accepting yourself is key to being a good listener overall, Sacco says. In other words, we can't pick up on everything everyone is saying all the time -- and that's OK. "I've definitely had my share of reflective listening failures," Sacco admits. "Sometimes... having that intentionality to listen and allowing yourself to miss the boat sometimes [is good enough]."
這樣的考慮方式或許奇怪，但是總體來講，接受自己是成爲好的傾聽者的關鍵，薩科講道。換言之，我們無法接收每個人講的每件事——這沒關係。“我當然反思過自己傾聽失敗的時候，”薩科承認道。“有時…有意識地傾聽，容許自己有時不得要領，這夠好了。”
They have an open mind.
他們頭腦開放。
優秀的傾聽者知道，他們參與的每個對話不是能解決更大的難題——但對話讓他們日益接近和自己交流的人。“傾聽不是魔術，”薩科解釋道。“如果我和女兒發生爭執，爭執仍然存在——但傾聽讓你能夠開始解決問題。…它讓每個人都能夠了解其他人的想法。”
They're emotionally intelligent.
他們情商高。
情商，或者對自己和周圍人情緒的警覺，能夠幫助提升互動——尤其在傾聽的時候。
According to Travis Bradberry, author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0, cultivating a high "EQ" is paramount when sharpening your listening skills. And all it takes is practice and focus.
據《情商2.0》的作者特拉維·布拉德伯裏所講，培養高情商對提高傾聽技能是至關重要的。而它所需的全部就是練習和專注。
"When you're caught up with thinking about what you're going to say next, you aren't listening," he told the Chicago Tribune in 2011. "But if you stop what you're doing, and really focus on the person talking, you activate neurons in your brain and your body starts to hone in on the other person. This helps you retain more information."
“當你陷於思考接下來要講的內容時，你沒有在傾聽，”他於2011年《芝加哥論壇報》的採訪中講道。“但如果你停止自己正在做的，真正專注於講話的人，你大腦和身體裏活躍的神經細胞會專注到另外這個人。這能幫你獲取更多信息。”
They pose significant questions.
他們會提重要的問題。
Part of active listening isn't just lending your ear, but asking appropriate follow-up questions to draw out more information. This ability to provide thought-provoking feedback is one of the best ways to show you're engaged in what the other person has to say, Sacco says. "People who are good listeners validate other people's feelings," he adds. "It shows that what they're saying makes sense."
有效傾聽的部分不只是用上你的耳朵，還有提出合適的後續問題以提取更多信息。能夠給出發人深思的反饋，是表明你專注於傾聽他們所講的最好方式之一，薩科講道。“好的傾聽者會肯定他人的感覺，”他補充道。“這樣做表明他人講的有道理。”
They're not on the defensive.
他們不會時時防禦。
不是你聽到的所有東西都是愉快的。“當別人講述我想要聽到的內容時，我非常擅長傾聽，”薩科解釋道。“當有人給出讓你煩惱或者你認爲傷害自尊的反饋時，傾聽變得更加困難。”
Effective listeners don't block out negative criticism. Instead, they listen and develop an understanding of what the person is trying to convey before responding. "They're aware of their own reactions to other people," Sacco says. "The difference between a terrible listener and a great listener can sometimes be the response time. A lot of conversations ... can go pretty bad or pretty well depending on the ability to step back and just take a moment before responding."
They're OK with being uncomfortable.
他們能夠接受不舒服的感覺。
In addition to not playing defense, Sacco also advises embracing every emotion during your conversations -- even feelings of discomfort or anger. "You need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable," Sacco says. "When you're having difficult conversations with people, if you want to be fully listening, that may be a hard thing for you to do but it's important to try."
除了不防禦之外，薩科也建議去接受談話過程中的每種情緒——甚至不舒服或者憤怒的感覺。“你需要接受不舒服的感覺，”薩科解釋道。“當談話變得艱難時，想要全力傾聽或許很難，但是嘗試這樣做很重要。”
They're good leaders.
他們是好的領導者。
Research has shown that there's a direct correlation between strong leadership and strong listening skills -- and it really comes as no surprise. As Richard Branson, CEO of Virgin Group writes, the most effective leaders and entrepreneurs listen more than they speak:
研究表明強大的領導能力和強大的傾聽能力是直接相關的——而且這真沒什麼意外的。正如維珍集團的首席執行官理查德·布蘭森所寫，最有效的領導者和企業家，總會多聽少講：
To be a good leader you have to be a great listener. Brilliant ideas can spring from the most unlikely places, so you should always keep your ears open for some shrewd advice. This can mean following online comments as closely as board meeting notes, or asking the frontline staff for their opinions as often as the CEOs. Get out there, listen to people, draw people out and learn from them.
要成爲好的領導者，你必須是好的傾聽者。高超的見識能從最不可能的地方產生，所以你應該總張着耳朵去聽取精明的建議。這可以是像追隨董事會筆記一樣去對待網上的建議，或者向徵求首席執行官的意見一樣頻繁地詢問一線員工。走出去，聽別人講，拉人們出來，向他們學習。
儘管從小時候起就被教導傾聽的重要性——想想多少老師讓你“豎起耳朵聽”——真相是，我們大多數人都不擅長本應擅長的技能。
Research shows that the average person listens with only 25 percent efficiency -- meaning there's a lot we're letting go in one ear and out the other. But as listening expert Paul Sacco, Ph.D., an assistant professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work, explains, there are just a few simple habits that set the real good listeners apart from the rest.
研究顯示一般人傾聽的效率只有25%——這意味着我們讓很多東西一耳進一耳出了。然而，正如傾聽方面的專家保羅·薩科博士所講，講真正好的傾聽者和其他人區分開的，只有幾個簡單的習慣。保羅現在馬里蘭大學社會工作學院擔任助理教授。
As Greek philosopher Epictetus once theorized, "We have two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak." So how do we start using those features moreproportionally -- or, as Sacco advises -- access our inner good listener?
希臘哲學家愛比克泰德曾將此理論化，“我們有兩隻耳朵一張嘴，是爲了讓傾聽達到講話的兩倍之多。”所以，怎樣開始更依比例來運用這些特徵呢？或者，如薩科所建議的——接近我們內在好的傾聽者呢？
以下的八個習慣，好的傾聽者會在每日的生活和對話中練習，你也可以博取爲自己所用。
They're present.
他們存在於當下。
Being mindful in conversations is a hallmark characteristic of a good listener, Sacco notes. When you're fully aware in the moment, you're more likely to retain what you're hearing and respond with more authenticity. That means stashing those phones and ridding yourself of all distractions.
留心對話是一個好的傾聽者的標誌特徵，薩科講道。當你完全留心於此刻，就更有可能保留你所聽到的，同時給出更準確的迴應。這意味着把手機放在一邊，擺脫所有讓你分神的事物。
"Good listeners really put everything down and focus on the person in front of them," he says. "And as a result, the other person becomes instantly aware that they have an interest in what they have to say."
“好的傾聽者會真正放下一切，專注於自己眼前的人，”他講道。“因此，講話的一方會當即感受到他們在意自己接下來要講的。”
They're empathetic.
他們會設身處地。
Part of effective listening is the effort to empathize with the person you're speaking with. Whether or not you're able to fully relate, your compassion won't go unnoticed. "Spend a moment putting yourself in their position, what's going through their head and what it must be like for them," Sacco says.
有效傾聽的一部分就是要嘗試站在和你講話的人的角度。無論你是否能完全設身處地，你的惻隱之心不會被忽略。“花些時間把自己擺在他人的角度，想想他們腦中所想以及由此而生的感受，”薩科講道。
"Understanding what their experience is even before you talk to them [can help you connect with them]. And it sounds bad, but even if you blow it, you're still better off because the other person will see the attempt."
“甚至在和他們講話前，就瞭解他們的感受。這點會幫助你和他們建立聯繫。雖然聽起來糟糕，可即使嘗試泡湯了，你仍有優勢，因爲另一個人會看到你的努力。”
They realize their shortcomings.
他們能意識到自己的缺點。
It may be a strange way of thinking about it, but accepting yourself is key to being a good listener overall, Sacco says. In other words, we can't pick up on everything everyone is saying all the time -- and that's OK. "I've definitely had my share of reflective listening failures," Sacco admits. "Sometimes... having that intentionality to listen and allowing yourself to miss the boat sometimes [is good enough]."
這樣的考慮方式或許奇怪，但是總體來講，接受自己是成爲好的傾聽者的關鍵，薩科講道。換言之，我們無法接收每個人講的每件事——這沒關係。“我當然反思過自己傾聽失敗的時候，”薩科承認道。“有時…有意識地傾聽，容許自己有時不得要領，這夠好了。”
They have an open mind.
他們頭腦開放。
優秀的傾聽者知道，他們參與的每個對話不是能解決更大的難題——但對話讓他們日益接近和自己交流的人。“傾聽不是魔術，”薩科解釋道。“如果我和女兒發生爭執，爭執仍然存在——但傾聽讓你能夠開始解決問題。…它讓每個人都能夠了解其他人的想法。”
They're emotionally intelligent.
他們情商高。
情商，或者對自己和周圍人情緒的警覺，能夠幫助提升互動——尤其在傾聽的時候。
According to Travis Bradberry, author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0, cultivating a high "EQ" is paramount when sharpening your listening skills. And all it takes is practice and focus.
據《情商2.0》的作者特拉維·布拉德伯裏所講，培養高情商對提高傾聽技能是至關重要的。而它所需的全部就是練習和專注。
"When you're caught up with thinking about what you're going to say next, you aren't listening," he told the Chicago Tribune in 2011. "But if you stop what you're doing, and really focus on the person talking, you activate neurons in your brain and your body starts to hone in on the other person. This helps you retain more information."
“當你陷於思考接下來要講的內容時，你沒有在傾聽，”他於2011年《芝加哥論壇報》的採訪中講道。“但如果你停止自己正在做的，真正專注於講話的人，你大腦和身體裏活躍的神經細胞會專注到另外這個人。這能幫你獲取更多信息。”
They pose significant questions.
他們會提重要的問題。
Part of active listening isn't just lending your ear, but asking appropriate follow-up questions to draw out more information. This ability to provide thought-provoking feedback is one of the best ways to show you're engaged in what the other person has to say, Sacco says. "People who are good listeners validate other people's feelings," he adds. "It shows that what they're saying makes sense."
有效傾聽的部分不只是用上你的耳朵，還有提出合適的後續問題以提取更多信息。能夠給出發人深思的反饋，是表明你專注於傾聽他們所講的最好方式之一，薩科講道。“好的傾聽者會肯定他人的感覺，”他補充道。“這樣做表明他人講的有道理。”
They're not on the defensive.
他們不會時時防禦。
不是你聽到的所有東西都是愉快的。“當別人講述我想要聽到的內容時，我非常擅長傾聽，”薩科解釋道。“當有人給出讓你煩惱或者你認爲傷害自尊的反饋時，傾聽變得更加困難。”
Effective listeners don't block out negative criticism. Instead, they listen and develop an understanding of what the person is trying to convey before responding. "They're aware of their own reactions to other people," Sacco says. "The difference between a terrible listener and a great listener can sometimes be the response time. A lot of conversations ... can go pretty bad or pretty well depending on the ability to step back and just take a moment before responding."
They're OK with being uncomfortable.
他們能夠接受不舒服的感覺。
In addition to not playing defense, Sacco also advises embracing every emotion during your conversations -- even feelings of discomfort or anger. "You need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable," Sacco says. "When you're having difficult conversations with people, if you want to be fully listening, that may be a hard thing for you to do but it's important to try."
除了不防禦之外，薩科也建議去接受談話過程中的每種情緒——甚至不舒服或者憤怒的感覺。“你需要接受不舒服的感覺，”薩科解釋道。“當談話變得艱難時，想要全力傾聽或許很難，但是嘗試這樣做很重要。”
They're good leaders.
他們是好的領導者。
Research has shown that there's a direct correlation between strong leadership and strong listening skills -- and it really comes as no surprise. As Richard Branson, CEO of Virgin Group writes, the most effective leaders and entrepreneurs listen more than they speak:
研究表明強大的領導能力和強大的傾聽能力是直接相關的——而且這真沒什麼意外的。正如維珍集團的首席執行官理查德·布蘭森所寫，最有效的領導者和企業家，總會多聽少講：
To be a good leader you have to be a great listener. Brilliant ideas can spring from the most unlikely places, so you should always keep your ears open for some shrewd advice. This can mean following online comments as closely as board meeting notes, or asking the frontline staff for their opinions as often as the CEOs. Get out there, listen to people, draw people out and learn from them.
要成爲好的領導者，你必須是好的傾聽者。高超的見識能從最不可能的地方產生，所以你應該總張着耳朵去聽取精明的建議。這可以是像追隨董事會筆記一樣去對待網上的建議，或者向徵求首席執行官的意見一樣頻繁地詢問一線員工。走出去，聽別人講，拉人們出來，向他們學習。
