諾貝爾文學經典:《寵兒》第9章Part 1

It went on that way and might have stayed that way but one evening, after supper, after sethe, hecame downstairs, sat in the rocker and didn't want to be there. He stood up and realized he didn'twant to go upstairs either. Irritable and longing for rest, he opened the door to Baby Suggs' roomand dropped off to sleep on the bed the old lady died in. That settled it — so it seemed. It becamehis room and Sethe didn't object — her bed made for two had been occupied by one for eighteenyears before Paul D came to call. And maybe it was better this way, with young girls in the houseand him not being her true-to-life husband. In any case, since there was no reduction in his before-breakfast or after-supper appetites, he never heard her complain.
It went on that way and might have stayed that way, except one evening, after supper, after Sethe,he came downstairs and lay on Baby Suggs' bed and didn't want to be believed he was having house-fits, the glassy anger men sometimes feel when a woman's housebegins to bind them, when they want to yell and break something or at least run off. He knew allabout that — felt it lots of times — in the Delaware weaver's house, for instance. But always heassociated the house-fit with the woman in it. This nervousness had nothing to do with the woman,whom he loved a little bit more every day: her hands among vegetables, her mouth when shelicked a thread end before guiding it through a needle or bit it in two when the seam was done, theblood in her eye when she defended her girls (and Beloved was hers now) or any coloredwomanfrom a slur. Also in this house-fit there was no anger, no suffocation, no yearning to be just could not, would not, sleep upstairs or in the rocker or, now, in Baby Suggs' bed. So hewent to the storeroom.
It went on that way and might have stayed that way except one evening, after supper, after Sethe,he lay on a pallet in the storeroom and didn't want to be there. Then it was the cold house and itwas out there, separated from the main part of 124, curled on top of two croaker sacks full of sweetpotatoes, staring at the sides of a lard can, that he realized the moving was involuntary. He wasn'tbeing nervous; he was being prevented.
So he waited. Visited Sethe in the morning; slept in the cold room at night and waited.
She came, and he wanted to knock her down.

這種狀況繼續着，而且本可以一直保持下去，可是一天晚上，晚飯後，他跟塞絲性交後走下樓梯、坐到搖椅上，卻不想在那兒待着了。他站起來，發覺自己也並不想上樓去。他心煩意亂又渴望休息，便打開門進了貝比·薩格斯的房間，到老太太死去的那張牀上倒頭便睡。事情就這麼結了——看來如此。它成了他的房間，塞絲並不介意——她的雙人牀在保羅·D來到之前的十八年裏都是她一個人睡。也許這樣更好，家裏有年輕姑娘，而他又不是自己的結髮丈夫。不管怎麼說，因爲他並沒有就此減少早飯以前和晚飯以後的慾望，所以他一直沒聽見她有過怨言。
這種狀況繼續着，而且本可以一直保持下去，可是一天晚上，晚飯後，他與塞絲性交過後走下樓梯，躺到貝比·薩格斯的牀上，卻不想在那兒待着了。他以爲自己患了那種房屋恐懼症，當一個女人的房子開始束縛男人，當他們想吼叫、砸點東西或者至少跑掉的時候，他們有時會感覺到那種呆滯無神的憤怒。他了解得一清二楚——感受過許多回——比如在特拉華女織工的房子裏。然而，他總是把房屋恐懼症和房子裏的女人聯繫起來。這次的緊張可跟這個女人毫無關係，他一天比一天更愛她：她那雙收拾蔬菜的手，她那在穿針之前舔一下線頭或者縫補完以後把線咬成兩段的嘴，她那保護她的姑娘們（寵兒現在也是她的了）或者任何黑人婦女不受侮辱時充血的眼睛。還有，這次的房屋恐懼症裏沒有憤怒，沒有窒息，沒有遠走他鄉的渴望。他只是不能、不願睡在樓上、搖椅上，還有現在，貝比·薩格斯的牀上。於是他去了貯藏室。
這種狀況繼續着，而且本可以一直保持下去，可是一天晚上，晚飯後，他享用了塞絲後走下樓梯，躺到貯藏室的地鋪上，卻不想在那兒待着了。然後就是冷藏室，它在外面，與124號的主體分開。蜷曲在兩個裝滿甘薯的麻袋上，盯着一個豬油罐頭的輪廓，他發覺他搬出來是身不由己的。不是他神經過敏；是有人在驅逐他。
於是他等着。早晨去找塞絲；夜裏睡在冷藏室裏，等着。
她來了，而他想把她打翻在地。