名著精讀:《悉達多》 船伕(9)

Siddhartha said nothing, quietly his eyes looked at hers.
"You have achieved it?" she asked. "You have found peace?"
He smiled and placed his hand on hers.
"I'm seeing it," she said, "I'm seeing it. I too will find peace."
"You have found it," Siddhartha spoke in a whisper.
Kamala never stopped looking into his eyes. She thought about her pilgrimage to Gotama, which wanted to take, in order to see the face of the perfected one, to breathe his peace, and she thought that she had now found him in his place, and that it was good, just as good, as if she had seen the other one. She wanted to tell this to him, but the tongue no longer obeyed her will. Without speaking, she looked at him, and he saw the life fading from her eyes. When the final pain filled her eyes and made them grow dim, when the final shiver ran through her limbs, his finger closed her eyelids.
For a long time, he sat and looked at her peacefully dead face. For a long time, he observed her mouth, her old, tired mouth, with those lips, which had become thin, and he remembered, that he used to, in the spring of his years, compare this mouth with a freshly cracked fig. For a long time, he sat, read in the pale face, in the tired wrinkles, filled himself with this sight, saw his own face lying in the same manner, just as white, just as quenched out, and saw at the same time his face and hers being young, with red lips, with fiery eyes, and the feeling of this both being present and at the same time real, the feeling of eternity, completely filled every aspect of his being. Deeply he felt, more deeply than ever before, in this hour, the indestructibility of every life, the eternity of every moment.
When he rose, Vasudeva had prepared rice for him. But Siddhartha did not eat. In the stable, where their goat stood, the two old men prepared beds of straw for themselves, and Vasudeva lay himself down to sleep. But Siddhartha went outside and sat this night before the hut, listening to the river, surrounded by the past, touched and encircled by all times of his life at the same time. But occasionally, he rose, stepped to the door of the hut and listened, whether the boy was sleeping.

席特哈爾塔沒出聲，眼睛靜靜地盯着她的眼睛。
“你達到目的了嗎？”她問，“你找到安寧了嗎？”
他笑笑，把手按在她手上。
“我明白了，”她說，“明白了。我也會找到安寧的。”
“你已經找到了。”席特哈爾塔輕聲說。
卡瑪拉目不轉睛地盯着他。好想起自己本心是要去朝拜戈塔馬，親眼目睹活佛的面容，體驗他的平和安詳，可是現在她卻找到了席特哈爾塔。這也好，跟見到活佛一樣好。她想告訴他這點，可是舌頭已不再聽從她的意志了。她默默地望着他，他從她的眼睛發現了她的生命正在漸漸熄滅。當最後的痛苦充滿並且溢出了她的眼睛，當最後的震顫掠過她的肢體時，他用手指合上了她的眼瞼。
他呆坐了許久，凝視着她那長眠不醒的面容。他久久地審視她的嘴，她那衰老、疲倦的嘴以及變得狹長的嘴脣，憶起自己正值青春時曾把這張嘴比作一枚新剖開的無花果。他坐了許久，端詳那蒼白的面容，端詳那疲倦的皺紋，心裏充滿了這景象，彷彿看見自己的臉也躺在那兒，同樣蒼白，同樣死氣沉沉，與此同時又能彷彿看見自己的臉和她的臉依然年輕，嘴脣紅潤，眼睛炯炯有神。這種當前的狀況與往昔的情憬商時並存的感覺完全滲透了他，這是一種永恆的感覺。他深深地感到，比以往更深記得地感到了每一個生命的不可摧毀，每一個瞬間的永恆。
他站起身，瓦蘇代瓦已經給他盛好了飯，可是席特哈爾塔沒吃。兩個老人在他們的羊圈裏鋪上草墊子，瓦蘇代瓦便躺下睡了。席特哈爾塔走了出去，在茅屋前坐了一夜，傾聽河水的聲音，回憶往事，他這一輩子的所有時光都同時觸動和簇擁着他。他有時也站起來，走到茅屋的門邊去聽聽孩子是否睡着了。