英語笑話故事

Bottles Accepted After Five O'clock

One day neat closing time at 6:30, four young children arrived with bottles. Wanting to put a stop to this habit, I sternly2 asked each child if he was aware of the rules. Three shook their heads no, but the youngest said he knew. "Why then." I asked, "have you brought me these bottles?"

"I can't tell time yet." He said.

爲了緩解購物高峯，我們這個小水果店爲孩子們退飲料瓶做了如下規定：

五點鐘以後不收瓶子

快到六點半下班的時候，四個孩子來退瓶子。爲了制止他們的這個習慣，我故意很嚴肅的問每個孩子是否知道我們的規定。其中三個孩子都搖頭表示不知道。只有那個最小的說他知道。“那你爲什麼還在這個時間來退瓶子呢?”我問他。

“我還不認識表呢!”他說。

Right

Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. "Uh-oh," I said, realizing my mistake. "I just make an illegal turn."

"I guess it's all right." my daughter replied, "The police car behind us did the same thing."

沒關係

我趕着開車將11歲的女兒送到學校去，在紅燈處右拐了，而那是不允許的(譯註:在一些國家如英國,其交通規則是車輛左行的,與我國相反)。“啊噢，”意識到犯了錯誤，我說。“我剛纔拐彎是違章的。”

“我想那沒關係的，”女兒回答說：“我們後面的警車也同樣拐了彎。”

Reward

A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.

"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in."

最好的獎賞

一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。這位軍官問如何才能酬謝他。

“最好的辦法，長官，”這名水手說，“是別聲張這事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他們會把我扔下去的。”

Careful What You Wish For

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

慎重許願

一對結婚25週年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。

慶祝活動中，一位仙女出現了。她說，由於他們是已經結婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個人一個願望。

妻子想周遊世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一聲，她的手中出現了一張票。

接下來該丈夫許願了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，“那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。”

仙女拾起了魔術棒。“呯!”，他變成了90歲。

't Argue with Children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

不要和小孩爭論

一個小女孩和她的老師正在談論有關鯨魚的事情。

她的老師說：“一頭鯨魚從身體構造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一個人的。因爲儘管鯨魚是一種非常巨大的哺乳動物，可它的嗓子非常小。”

那個小女孩說約拿(一位西伯來先知)就是被鯨魚吞掉的。

她的老師非常生氣，她再次告訴小女孩說：“從身體構造角度來講，鯨魚是不可能吞掉一個人的。”

那個小女孩說：“那等我到了天堂，就去問問約拿。”

她的老師問：“那麼，假如約拿下了地獄怎麼辦?”

那個小女孩回答：“如果是那樣的話，你就去問他。”

boy and the snails

A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"

男孩和蝸牛

一個鄉下少年到處尋找蝸牛，當他雙手都塞滿了蝸牛後，就準備點火烤着吃。火點着了，蝸牛也開始感覺到熱了，他們紛紛退向堅殼的深處，同時還發出“噝噝”的噪音。男孩子聽到了蝸牛發出的噓聲，便說：“你們這些連命都快沒有的傢伙，怎麼還能有心情在窩裏着火時吹口哨呢?”