英文小說連載《朗讀者The Reader》10&11
導讀：教書育人楷模，更好地指導自己的學習，讓自己不斷成長。讓我們一起到本站一起學習吧!下面本站網的小編給你們帶來了《英文小說連載《朗讀者The Reader》10&11》供考生們參考。
英文小說連載《朗讀者The Reader》Part 2 Chapter 10
I HAVE NO memory of the Friday seminar meetings. Even when I recall the trial， I cannot remember what topics we selected for scholarly discussion. What did we talk about? What did we want to know? What did the professor teach us?
But I remember the Sundays. The days in court gave me a new hunger for the colors and smells of nature. On Fridays and Saturdays I managed to catch up on what I had missed of my studies during the other days of the week， so that I could complete my course assignments and pass the semester. On Sundays， I took off by myself.
Heiligenberg， St. Michaels Basilica， the Bismarck Tower， the Philosophers Path， the banks of the riverI didnt vary my route much from one Sunday to the next. I found there was enough variety in the greens that became richer and richer from week to week， and in the floodplain of the Rhine， that was sometimes in a heat haze， sometimes hidden behind curtains of rain and sometimes overhung by storm clouds， and in the smells of the berries and wildflowers in the woods when the sun blazed down on them， and of earth and last years rotting leaves when it rained. Anyway I dont need or seek much variety. Each journey a little further than the last， the next vacation in the new place I discovered during my last vacation and liked . . . For a while I thought I should be more daring， and made myself go to Ceylon， Egypt， and Brazil， before I went back to making familiar regions more familiar. I see more in them.
I have rediscovered the place in the woods where Hannas secret became clear to me. There is nothing special about it now， nor was there anything special then， no strangely shaped tree or cliff， no unusual view of the city and the plain， nothing that would invite startling associations. In thinking about Hanna， going round and round in the same tracks week after week， one thought had split off， taken another direction， and finally produced its own conclusion. When it did so， it was doneit could have been anywhere， or at least anywhere the familiarity of the surroundings and the scenery allowed what was truly surprising， what didnt come like a bolt from the blue， but had been growing inside myself， to be recognized and accepted. It happened on a path that climbed steeply up the mountain， crossed the road， passed a spring， and then wound under old， tall， dark trees and out into light underbrush.
Hanna could neither read nor write.
That was why she had had people read to her. That was why she had let me do all the writing and reading on our bicycle trip and why she had lost control that morning in the hotel when she found my note， realized I would assume she knew what it said， and was afraid shed be exposed. That was why she had avoided being promoted by the streetcar company; as a conductor she could conceal her weakness， but it would have become obvious when she was being trained to become a driver. That was also why she had refused the promotion at Siemens and become a guard. That was why she had admitted to writing the report in order to escape a confrontation with an expert. Had she talked herself into a corner at the trial for the same reason? Because she couldnt read the daughters book or the indictment， couldnt see the openings that would allow her to build a defense， and thus could not prepare herself accordingly? Was that why she sent her chosen wards to Auschwitz? To silence them in case they had noticed something? And was that why she always chose the weak ones in the first place?
Was that why? I could understand that she was ashamed at not being able to read or write， and would rather drive me away than expose herself. I was no stranger to shame as the cause of behavior that was deviant or defensive， secretive or misleading or hurtful. But could Hannas shame at being illiterate be sufficient reason for her behavior at the trial or in the camp? To accept exposure as a criminal for fear of being exposed as an illiterate? To commit crimes to avoid the same thing?
How often I have asked myself these same questions， both then and since. If Hannas motive was fear of exposurewhy opt for the horrible exposure as a criminal over the harmless exposure as an illiterate? Or did she believe she could escape exposure altogether? Was she simply stupid? And was she vain enough， and evil enough， to become a criminal simply to avoid exposure?
Both then and since， I have always rejected this. No， Hanna had not decided in favor of crime. She had decided against a promotion at Siemens， and fell into a job as a guard. And no， she had not dispatched the delicate and the weak on transports to Auschwitz because they had read to her; she had chosen them to read to her because she wanted to make their last month bearable before their inevitable dispatch to Auschwitz. And no， at the trial Hanna did not weigh exposure as an illiterate against exposure as a criminal. She did not calculate and she did not maneuver. She accepted that she would be called to account， and simply did not wish to endure further exposure. She was not pursuing her own interests， but fighting for her own truth， her own justice. Because she always had to dissimulate somewhat， and could never be completely candid， it was a pitiful truth and a pitiful justice， but it was hers， and the struggle for it was her struggle.
She must have been completely exhausted. Her struggle was not limited to the trial. She was struggling， as she always had struggled， not to show what she could do but to hide what she couldnt do. A life made up of advances that were actually frantic retreats and victories that were concealed defeats.
I was oddly moved by the discrepancy between what must have been Hannas actual concerns when she left my hometown and what I had imagined and theorized at the time. I had been sure that I had driven her away because I had betrayed and denied her， when in fact she had simply been running away from being found out by the streetcar company. However， the fact that I had not driven her away did not change the fact that I had betrayed her. So I was still guilty. And if I was not guilty because one cannot be guilty of betraying a criminal， then I was guilty of having loved a criminal.
我對每天都自願參加的研討會沒有留下什麼記憶，即使我回憶法庭的審理情形，也記不起來我們都做了哪些科學的整理工作，我們就什麼問題進行了討論，我們想要知道什麼，那位教授都教了我們什麼。
但是，我卻記得那些週日。在法庭的那些天，使我對大自然的色彩和氣息產生了新的渴望。在節假日和星期六，我把在學習中所落下的課程儘可能都補上了，這樣，在做課堂練習時，我至少能跟得上，也能完成本學期的學分。星期天，我總是出去。
聖山，米西爾教堂，彼斯麥塔，哲學家之路，河岸，一個星期天接着一個星期天，我走的路線僅有很小的變動。一個星期接着一個星期，我所看到的大自然足以用豐富多彩、變化無窮來形容。深綠色的萊茵平原有時處在熱氣中，有時在雲霧中，有時在雷雨烏雲中。在森林裏，當陽光照耀時可聞得花香，聞得果甜;當雨水四濺時可噴得到泥土的氣息，嗅得到去年新落下的樹葉的味道。我一點不需要也不尋找比這更多的多樣性。行程一次比一次遠些，下次度假的地方通常是上次度假時發現並喜歡的地方。有好長一段時間，我認爲我應該更大膽一些，應該強迫自己去錫蘭、埃及和巴西，不過，我還是去了我所熟悉的地區，爲的是加深對舊地的瞭解。在這些地方我看到的更多。
在森林裏，我又發現了我揭開漢娜祕密的地方。那不是一個什麼特別的地方，當時也沒有什麼特別之處，沒有別具一格的樹木或懸崖峭壁，沒有什麼非同一般的可以看到那座城市和那片平原的視角，沒有什麼會促使你產生意想不到的聯想。在周而復始他對漢娜進行思考後，我竟產生了一種想法，我追蹤了這個想法，最後也得出了結論。真是筋疲力盡之時，也正是柳暗花明之日。這種情況隨處可見，或者至少在這種情況下隨處可見：你對一個環境或一種情況非常熟悉，以至於凡是你感受到並接受了的、令你驚訝的東西，都不是來自外部世界，而是產生於內心。我得出結論的過程就像一個人走在一條路上，先爬上陡峭的山坡，再穿越馬路，再經過一個泉井，然後穿過一片森林：先是古老的、遮天蔽日的參天大樹，之後纔是明亮的小樹叢。
漢娜既不會讀也不會寫。
所以她才讓人給她朗讀，所以在我們騎車旅行時，才讓我承擔讀寫的任務，所以當她那天早上在旅館裏發現我的字條時，才大發雷霆她猜測出了字條的內容和我的期待，害怕自己出醜，所以她才逃避了有軌電車公司對她的提升作爲售票員，她可以掩飾她的弱點，如果被培訓當司機，那她的弱點將暴露無遺，所以她纔回避了西門子公司對她的提升而做了一名女看守，所以爲了避免和鑑定專家對質，她承認了那篇報告是她寫的。也正是因爲如此她纔在法庭上拼命地爭辯嗎?因爲她既不能讀那位女兒寫的那本書又不會看控告詞，她纔看不到爲自己辯護的機會併爲此做相應的準備嗎?也正因爲如此她才把受到她特殊照顧的人送往奧斯威辛嗎?是因爲她怕她們發現她的弱點而想殺人滅口嗎?也正是因爲如此她才把那些體弱者納入她的保護之下嗎?
都是由於這個原因嗎?她爲自己既不會讀也不會寫而感到羞恥，所以她寧願讓我感到莫名其妙也不願自己出醜，這個我能理解。我對由於羞恥而去迴避、拒絕、隱瞞、僞裝並傷害他人的這些行爲有親身體會，但是，漢娜在法庭上和集中營中的所作所爲是因爲她對不會讀寫感到可恥嗎?她認爲做一個文盲比做一名罪犯更丟臉嗎?她比暴露自己是個罪犯更害怕暴露自己是個文盲嗎?
當時和從那時以來，我經常向自己提出這個問題。如果漢娜的動機是害怕暴露自己，那爲什麼不暴露自己是一個無害的文盲而要暴露自己是個可怕的罪犯呢?或許她認爲什麼都不暴露就能矇混過關嗎?她這麼愚蠢嗎?她這麼愛虛榮，這麼邪惡嗎?爲了避免暴露就去做罪犯嗎?
當時和自那時以來，我總是拒絕這樣想。不，我對自己說，漢娜沒有想去犯罪。她沒有接受西門子公司對她的提拔，而不自覺地決定做了女看守。木，她沒有因爲她們爲她朗讀過就把那些溫柔體弱的人送往奧斯威辛。她特別把她們挑選出來爲她朗讀，是因爲她想使她們在被送往奧斯威辛以前的最後幾個月的日子過得好一點。木，在法庭上，漢娜沒有在暴露自己是文盲還是暴露自己是罪犯之間進行斟酌。她並沒有三思而後行，她的行爲舉止缺少策略性。她寧可被繩之以法，也不願暴露自己是文盲。她進行的鬥爭不是爲了自己的利益，而是爲了她的真理、她的正義。那是個可悲的真理、可憐的正義，因爲她總要僞裝自己，因爲她從未開誠佈公過，從未完全自我過。不過，那是她的真理和正義，爲此而進行的奮鬥是她的奮鬥。
她必須要使出全身解數來。她不僅僅在法庭上要爭要鬥，她必須要永遠奮鬥，其目的不是爲了向世人顯示她能做的事情，而是向世人掩飾她不能做的事情。這是一種其起步意味着節節敗退，而其勝利隱藏着失敗的生活。
漢娜離開我家鄉時的處境和我當時對它的想象之間存在分歧，這種分歧不同尋常地觸動着我。我曾十分肯定她是被我趕走的，因爲我曾經背叛和否認過她。她離開了有軌電車公司確實逃避了一次暴露。不過，我沒有把她趕走的這一事實，絲毫沒有改變我背叛了她的這一事實。這就是說，我仍舊負有責任。如果說我沒有什麼責任的話，是因爲背叛一名罪犯不必負什麼責任;如果說我負有責任，是因爲我曾經愛上過一個罪犯。
英文小說連載《朗讀者The Reader》Part 2 Chapter 11
O NCE HANNA admitted having written the report， the other defendants had an easy game to play. When Hanna had not been acting alone， they claimed， she had pressured， threatened， and forced the others. She had seized command. She did the talking and the writing. She had made the decisions.
The villagers who testified could neither confirm nor deny this. They had seen that the burning church was guarded by several women who did not unlock it， and they had not dared to unlock it themselves. They had met the women the next morning as they were leaving the village， and recognized them as the defendants. But which of the defendants had been the spokeswoman at the early-morning encounter， or if anyone had played the role of spokeswoman， they could not recall.
But you cannot rule out that it was this defendantthe lawyer for one of the other defendants pointed at Hannawho took the decisions?
They couldnt， how could they even have wanted to， and faced with the other defendants， visibly older， more worn out， more cowardly and bitter， they had no such impulse. In comparison with the other defendants， Hanna was the dominant one. Besides， the existence of a leader exonerated the villagers; having failed to achieve rescue in the face of a fiercely led opposing force looked better than having failed to do anything when confronted by a group of confused women.
Hanna kept struggling. She admitted what was true and disputed what was not. Her arguments became more desperate and more vehement. She didnt raise her voice， but her very intensity alienated the court.
Eventually she gave up. She spoke only when asked a direct question; her answers were short， minimal， sometimes beside the point. As if to make clear that she had given up， she now remained seated when speaking. The presiding judge， who had told her several times at the beginning of the trial that she did not need to stand and could remain seated if she preferred， was put off by this as well. Towards the end of the trial， I sometimes had the sense that the court had had enough， that they wanted to get the whole thing over with， that they were no longer paying attention but were somewhere else， or rather hereback in the present after long weeks in the past.
I had had enough too. But I couldnt put it behind me. For me， the proceedings were not ending， but just beginning. I had been a spectator， and then suddenly a participant， a player， and member of the jury. I had neither sought nor chosen this new role， but it was mine whether I wanted it or not， whether I did anything or just remained completely passive.
Did anythingthere was only one thing to do. I could go to the judge and tell him that Hanna was illiterate. That she was not the main protagonist and guilty party the way the others made her out to be. That her behavior at the trial was not proof of singular incorrigibility， lack of remorse， or arrogance， but was born of her incapacity to familiarize herself with the indictment and the manuscript and also probably of her consequent lack of any sense of strategy or tactics. That her defense had been significantly compromised. That she was guilty， but not as guilty as it appeared.
Maybe I would not be able to convince the judge. But I would give him enough to have to think about and investigate further. In the end， it would be proved that I was right， and Hanna would be punished， but less severely. She would have to go to prison， but would be released soonerwasnt that what she had been fighting for?
Yes， that was what she had been fighting for， but she was not willing to earn victory at the price of exposure as an illiterate. Nor would she want me to barter her self-image for a few years in prison. She could have made that kind of trade herself， and did not， which meant she didnt want it. Her sense of self was worth more than the years in prison to her.
But was it really worth all that? What did she gain from this false self-image which ensnared her and crippled her and paralyzed her? With the energy she put into maintaining the lie， she could have learned to read and write long ago.
I tried to talk about the problem with friends. Imagine someone is racing intentionally towards his own destruction and you can save himdo you go ahead and save him? Imagine theres an operation， and the patient is a drug user and the drugs are incompatible with the anesthetic， but the patient is ashamed of being an addict and does not want to tell the anesthesiologistdo you talk to the anesthesiologist? Imagine a trial and a defendant who will be convicted if he doesnt admit to being left-handeddo you tell the judge whats going on? Imagine hes gay， and could not have committed the crime because hes gay， but is ashamed of being gay. It isnt a question of whether the defendant should be ashamed of being left-handed or gayjust imagine that he is.
由於漢娜承認那篇報告是她寫的，其他被告就可以輕鬆地出牌了。她們說，凡漢娜一個人處理不了的事情，她就逼迫、威脅和強迫其他被告一起做。她把指揮棒攬在自己手裏。她既執筆又代言，她總是做最後決定。
對此，做證的村民既不能證實又不能反駁。他們看見那熊熊燃燒的教堂被許多穿制服的女人看守着，門沒有被打開。這樣，他們自己也不敢去開門。當她們第二天早上開拔時，他們又遇見了她們，而且在這些被告中又認出了她們。但是，由於只是在晨窿中相遇，哪位被告是發號施令者，是否真的有哪位被告在發號施令，他們也說不清楚。
但是你們不能排除這位被告做了決定吧!另一位被告的辯護律師指着漢娜說。
他們不能排除，他們怎麼能排除!看到其他被告明顯地更年老，更疲倦，更膽小和更痛苦，他們也不想排除這種可能性。相比之下，漢娜就是個頭頭。除此之外，有個頭頭存在也減輕了村民們的負擔。他們在一夥嚴厲的、有領導的女人面前沒有伸出援助之手總比在一幫不知所措的女人面前而沒有伸出援助之手要好得多。
漢娜繼續抗爭着，對的她就承認，錯的她就反駁。她的反駁越來越困惑，越來越暴躁，她的聲音不大，但其厲害程度令法庭感到驚訝。
最後，她放棄了爭辯，只是在被問到對她才說話。她的回答簡短扼要，有時候甚至漫不經心。好像爲了讓人更明顯地看出她已經放棄了，她現在說話時也不站起來。審判長也驚訝地注意到了這一點。在法庭審理剛開始時，審判長曾多次對她說過不必站起來，她可以坐着講話。有時候我會有一種感覺，覺得法庭在審理接近尾聲時已經厭戰了，想盡早把事情了結，大家都已經心不在焉，都想在經過幾周對過去的審理後再回到現實中來。
我也感到厭倦了，但是我卻不能把事情置於腦後。對我來說，審理沒有結束，而是剛剛開始。起初，我是一名聽衆，突然之間我變成了參與者、一同遊戲的人和共同決策者。我並沒有去尋找和選擇這一新的角色，但是我卻得到了它，不管我願意與否，不管我是採取了主動還是被動。
如果我能做什麼的話，我也只能做一件事。我可以去找審判長，對他說漢娜是個文盲，她並非如其他人所說的那樣是個主角並負有主要責任。她在法庭上的言談舉止並不能說明她特別固執己見、不理智或者厚顏無恥，而只能說明她對其控告詞和那本書事前缺乏瞭解和認識，也是由於她缺乏戰略戰術意識的結果。這對她爲自己辯護極爲不利。她雖然負有責任，但是她所負的責任並不是像看上去的那樣重大。
也許我的話不能令審判長信服，但是，我會促使他去思考，去調查研究。最終結果將證明我是對的。漢娜儘管將受到懲罰，但是她的罪責將會減輕。她儘管要坐牢，但是會早些時候被放出來，會早些時候重獲自由。她的爭辯難道不正是爲了這些嗎?
是的，她是爲此而抗爭的，但是她不願爲了獲得成功而暴露出自己是個文盲，她不想爲此付出代價。她也不會願意我爲了她在監獄裏少呆幾年而出賣她。她可以自己討價還價，但她沒有那樣做，說明她不想那樣做。對她來說，爲了她的自我價值蹲幾年監獄也值得。
但是，這對她來說真的值得嗎?她從這種虛僞的、束縛她的、令其喪失活力的、使其無法施展才能的自我價值中能得到什麼呢?如果把用於掩飾真實謊言的精力用於學習，她早就能學會讀和寫了。
當時，我曾試着與朋友就這個問題進行探討。你設想一下，有人想毀掉自己，故意毀掉自己，你就是能挽救他，可你將挽救他嗎?你設想一個手術，病人服用了連麻藥都無法相比的毒品，但他又恥於向麻醉師開口講他服用了毒品，在這種情況下，你能告訴麻醉師真相嗎?你設想一次法庭審理案，有一名被告將會受到懲罰，他是個左撇子，但是他爲此感到羞恥。如果他不講出自己是一個左撇子，因而不能完成一個用右手實施的行爲，你能對法庭說明此事嗎?你設想一下，某人是一名同性戀者，作爲同性戀他不會於某種行爲，可是他又恥於做一名同性戀者而不說明真相。這不是人們是否應該恥於做一名左撇子或做一名同性戀者的問題，您想一想，這是被告爲自己感到羞恥的問題。
