雙語閱讀：你真的會聊天嗎

摘要：網絡時代，隨着面對面交流的減少，人們也忽略了閒聊對人際關係的重要作用。如何做一個善於閒聊的人呢?讓我們向專家討教一下閒聊的學問吧。

You are an intelligent and articulate person. You have no problem giving a lucid presentation, delivering an eloquent speech or participating in a political debate. You strive for meaningful conversations and have no patience whatsoever for small talk. “The weather is nice, isn’t it?” Really, who cares?

你聰明機靈，口齒伶俐。給出清晰的報告、發表滔滔不絕的演講、參加政治辯論，你無所不能。你在這些有意義的語言會話上花費心思，卻對閒聊嗤之以鼻。“今天天氣不錯，是吧?”說實在的，誰關心呢?

eloquent

[英]ˈeləkwənt [美]ˈɛləkwənt

adj.

雄辯的，有口才的;有說明力的;

富於表情的，逼真的;動人的

你真的會聊天嗎

Although seemingly trivial and superficial, small talk is the starting point of all relationships. Romances and friendships begin with small talk. In a more pragmatic light, you can’t avoid it. Getting a job, working with colleagues, winning new clients — all of it requires small talk.

雖然看似瑣碎膚淺，但閒聊卻是建立一切關係的切入點。愛情和友誼都始於閒聊。更實際一點考慮的話，你不可能避免閒聊。求職、與同事共事、攻下新客戶，這些都離不開閒聊。

trivial

[英]'trɪvɪəl [美]ˈtrɪviəl

adj.

瑣碎的，無價值的;

平常的，平凡的;不重要的;[生]種的

Americans call it the “Gift of Gab”. Want to be successful? You’d better acquire this gift.

美國人稱之爲“能說會道”。你想成功?那麼你最好具備這項口才。

An article on the Forbes website lists a few reasons why small talk is so important for one’s career. Not only does small talk make us more likeable; in one’s career, small talk is also a “free option”.

爲了說明閒聊對於個人事業的重要性，《福布斯》網站上的一篇文章給出了一系列解釋。閒聊不僅能讓我們更討人喜歡，對於個人事業而言，閒聊也是一種“免費期權”。

It can lead to a host of outcomes, from a merely pleasant exchange to the signing of a multimillion dollar business deal, says the article.

文章中指出，閒聊能產生一系列的效果，有時不僅僅是一場愉快的交流，甚至還可以達成數百萬美元的交易。

In a time where a big part of our lives has moved online, the art of small talk is elusive and mysterious. The awkward experience of feeling like a total outsider at a social function, such as a company event or a dinner party, is shared by many of us.

在這個生活逐步網絡化的時代，閒聊的藝術不可思議又難以捉摸。我們中的很多人都曾有過在公司活動、宴會等社交場合中上化身“局外人”的尷尬經歷。

But don’t worry, says Elizabeth Bernstein, a relationship columnist at The Wall Street Journal, you can learn to develop your conversational intelligence.

但是別擔心，《華爾街日報》兩性關係專欄作家伊麗莎白•伯恩斯坦表示，你可以學會去開發自己的口才。

columnist

[英]ˈkɒləmnɪst [美]ˈkɑləmnɪst, -əmɪst

n. 專欄作家

First of all, Remember small talk is not about communicating, it’s about connecting. Bernstein advises to focus on the other person.

首先，要記住閒聊並不是爲了溝通交流，而是與對方建立聯繫。伯恩斯坦建議應該去關注對方。

Bad small talkers tend to dominate the conversation. They spend too much time on their favorite topic, whether it’s football or how clever their kids are.

不擅長閒聊的人往往想要在談話中佔據主動。他們花費過多的時間來談論喜歡的話題，無論是討論足球還是誇獎他們的孩子有多麼聰穎過人。

They think they are being social because they are talking. But they are talking to somebody, not with someone. Such people often give the impression of being self-centered and inconsiderate.

他們認爲滔滔不絕就代表善於交際。但是他們說話的對象是些重要人物，而並非普通人。這樣的人通常會給人留下以自我爲中心、不替他人着想的印象。

　　吸引女人的13個聊天小訣竅

1. You should talk about “emotional” topics like childhood memories, future ambitions, or her passions. These conversation topics will open up her emotional floodgates.

你應該談論和“情感”有關的話題，如童年回憶、未來志向、或者她的愛好。這樣的話題能夠打開她情緒的閘門。

2. Women want a guy who is not afraid to lead her. While talking to a woman take control of the conversation. Never wait for her to dictate what you’ll be talking about.

女人們喜歡有能力掌控她的男人。跟女人談話時要掌控話題。不要等着她告訴你談論什麼。

3. Pay attention to the non-verbal cues a woman is giving you. If you’re standing too close to her, accidentally spitting when you talk, or making her feel uncomfortable in any way… she will send you hints. Pay attention to them.

注意女人給你的非語言提示。如果你站得離她很近，說話時唾沫星橫飛，或是讓她在其他方面感到不自在，她會給你暗示，要注意這些提示。

4. Remember this motto “Fun not Funny.” Women are attracted to men who allow them to have fun. Don’t concentrate on having the funniest jokes. Concentrate on showing them the most excitement and enjoyment.

記住這條箴言：“幽默但不滑稽。”女人會被讓她們開心的男人吸引。不要只想着說最搞笑的笑話，要多花花心思向她們展現最令人興奮最有樂趣的事物。

5. Tease women. One of the easiest ways to take a conversation to a fun and flirty level is to begin to tease women. Think back to your time on the playground. In the world of dating… what worked on the playground is effective all over again.

挑逗她。要讓對話變得曖昧有趣，最簡單的方法就是跟女士們調調情。回想一下當初在學校操場上是如何和女生玩的。當時吸引女生的方法現在在約會時也完全適用。

6. Get intimate with her. Women are turned on by men who are not afraid to take a conversation to a personal, intimate level.

聊聊私密的話題。女人會被敢於讓對話上升到個人的私密層面的男人吸引。

7. Use things like “cold reads” to turn women on. Women love to hear opinions about themselves. Tell her what you observe about her.

用“冷讀術”推測她們的心理來吸引女性。女人喜歡聽別人對她們的評價。告訴她你眼中的她是什麼樣的。

8. Avoid complimenting a woman too much. Women are turned off by men who come across as “needy.” If you are complimenting a woman too much she will think you’re trying to impress her. Which will have the opposite effect.

不要過度恭維女人。看起來“飢不擇食”的男人會讓女人大倒胃口。過度的恭維女人會讓她覺得你在想方設法吸引她的注意力，效果只會適得其反。

9. If you want to know how to talk to women in a way that doesn’t bore them… Avoid asking too many “interview” style questions. Instead state your opinion about things.

如果你想知道要怎樣跟女人說話才能讓她們覺得不無聊，要避免問過多的“採訪”式問題，而是陳述你對事物的意見。

10. Remember: Statements over questions. Instead of saying “where did you grow up?” Say “You don’t look like you grew up around here.” This allows you to make observations about her and express your personality.

記住：陳述多於提問。比起問“你在哪裏長大?”來，說“你看起來不像是在這塊地方長大的。”會更好。這樣你既可以對她做出評價，也可以展現你的個性。

11. Don’t hide your identity. Don’t be afraid to talk about whatever you’re passionate about.

不要隱藏自己的個性。別擔心，大膽談論任何你喜歡的事物。

12. Use conversation “Games” to keep the mood fun and flirtatious. Games can be anything like “truth or dare” or to less extreme games like the “5 questions game”.

做點對話“遊戲”讓氣氛變得曖昧有趣。遊戲可以是“真心話大冒險”，也可以是不那麼極端的遊戲，如兩人間的點名遊戲。

13. Don’t give away your hand so fast. Women like men who are a challenge. If you want to keep a woman’s interest she has to feel like she is slowly winning you over. If she thinks you’re too easy… she’ll lose interest.

保持神祕感。女人喜歡有挑戰性的男人。如果你想讓女人保持對你的興趣，你要讓她覺得她需要慢慢贏得你的歡心。如果她認爲你太好到手了…她就不會對你有興趣了。

The best way to think about how to talk to women is to think about what kind of fun, playful, and sexual conversation you would most enjoy. Talking to a woman doesn’t have to be difficult. You just need to be aware of what they are turned on by and what turns them off. Follow the list above and you’ll do just fine.

和女人談話最好的方式，就是找一些有趣、好玩、涉及性的談話。和女人談話未必有那麼困難。你只要知道她們對什麼話題有興趣、對什麼話題沒有興趣就可以了。放心照着上面的做就好了。