長一點的英語笑話大全 英語文摘

在交際場合,能恰到好處地講個笑話或自創一個幽默,不僅可以體現自己的語言水平,還可以提升個人魅力。小編精心收集了長一點的英語笑話，供大家欣賞學習!

　　長一點的英語笑話：Don't You Like Any of Our Colours Today?

Mrs. Green was eighty，but she had a small car，and she always drove to the shops in it on Saturday and bought her food.

She did not drive fast，because she was old，but she drove well and never hit anything. Sometimes her grandchildren said to her，“Please don't drive your car，grandmother. We can take you to the shops.”

But she always said，“No，I like driving. I've driven for fifty years，and I'm not going to stop now.”

Last Saturday she stopped her car at some traffic-lights because they were red，and then it did not start again. The lights were green，then yellow，then red，

then green again，but her car did not start.

“What am I going to do now?” She said.

But then a policeman came and said to her kindly，“Good morning. Don't you like any of our colours today?”

格林太太八十歲了。她有一輛小型轎車，每逢星期六她總是開着這輛車去購買食品。

因爲年紀大了，格林太太車子開得不快，不過她開車技術很高，從來沒有出過事。有時她的孫子孫女們對她說：“奶奶，您別開車了，我們可以送您去商店。”

但她總是說：“不，我喜歡開車。我已經開了五十年了，現在還不想撒手。”

上星期六，她看見交通燈是紅色就剎住了車。後來車子熄火了。交通燈由綠色轉爲黃色，然後轉爲紅色，又轉變爲綠色，可她的車子還是發動不起來。

“現在我該怎麼辦呢?”她說。

這時一位警察走過來，和氣地對她說：“早上好，今天交通燈的顏色沒有一樣您喜歡嗎?”

　　長一點的英語笑話：開窗

A gentleman was sitting quietly in a first-class compartment. Two ladies got in. One of them saw that the window was open and she shut it before sitting down."Open it again," said the second lady, "I'll die of suffocation(窒息，悶死) if there is no fresh air.""I won't open it," said the first lady, "I'll die of cold if the window is open."A querrel started, and it continued until the gentleman spoke:"Let's have the window shut until this lady has died of suffocation, and then we can have it open until this lady has died of cold. After that it will be nice and quiet in here again."

解決問題的好辦法 一位紳士正靜靜地坐在頭等包廂裏，有兩位女士走了進來。其中一位見窗戶開着，就在落坐之前把窗戶“把窗戶打開，”第二位女士說道，“如果沒有新鮮空氣，我會被憋死的。” “不能打開，”第一位說道，“如果它開着，我會被凍死的。” 一場爭吵開始，沒完沒了，直到那位紳士開口： “我們先讓窗戶關着，直到把這位女士憋死，然後再打開窗戶，直到把這位女士凍死。那以後，這兒就可以恢復平靜了。”

　　長一點的英語笑話：跳板

The cruise ship my friend was working on docked(停駐) at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow gangplank(跳板，踏板) as a passageway to the dock far staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appear at the top of the plank(厚木板，支架) . There wasn't room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone's relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back at the top of the plank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother, you can come down now."

　　長一點的英語笑話：My Husband Will Be Home Soon

A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard.

"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"

"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a *y little voice...

"Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"

我丈夫馬上就要回來了

一個已婚男人去拜訪他的“女朋友”時，女朋友要求他剃去鬍鬚。

“噢，詹姆斯，我喜歡你的鬍子，但我更喜歡看到你英俊的面孔。”

詹姆斯回答說，“我的妻子喜歡我的鬍子，所以我不可能剃掉它，否則她會殺了我的。”

“噢，我求你了，”女朋友用一種低沉的、性感的聲音又一次說道。

“可是，我不能，”他回答道，“我的妻子喜歡這鬍子。”

在女朋友再三請求下，他終於屈服同意了。夜裏，在妻子熟睡時，詹姆斯爬上了牀。

妻子朦朦朧朧地摸了摸他的臉說道，“噢，邁克爾，你不應該在這裏，我的丈夫很快就要回來了。”

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