該不該對陌生人說出逆耳忠言大綱

You go to a formal dinner party.

你參加一個正式晚宴。

You talk to the person on one side during the starter, the other during the main course.

你在吃前菜期間與坐在你一邊的人聊天，在吃主菜的時候與坐在你另一邊的人聊天。

Sometimes the conversation skips along, more often it drags and falters.

有時談話相當投機，更多時候則是拖泥帶水，話說不到一起去。

You enjoy or endure the evening, and then you go home.

你享受（或者忍受）了一個晚上，然後你回家了。

That is, unless you are Robert Hiscox.

一般是這樣的——除非你是羅伯特.希斯考克斯(Robert Hiscox)。

The founder of the eponymous insurance company told me some years ago that at the end of a dinner party he turned to the people on either side and offered feedback on how he had found their conversation.

用自己的姓氏創辦保險公司的他在幾年前告訴我，在晚宴結束的時候，他會轉向坐在他某一邊的人，針對他對與他們聊天的感覺給予反饋。

He would say: I enjoyed hearing your views on the EU, but you might have asked me about mine.

他會說：我樂於聽到您對歐盟(EU)的看法，但您或許也該問問我對歐盟有什麼看法。

Or: It was interesting to learn about how well your child did in his A-levels, but you seemed reluctant to discuss other topics.

或者：瞭解您的孩子在高中水平考試(A-Levels)中成績優異很有意思，但您似乎不太情願談論其他話題。

At the time I was shocked.

當時我就震驚了。

How could he be so rude? Mr Hiscox assured me that conversing at formal dinners is a skill; it is hard to get better at anything if no one tells you where you are going wrong.

他怎能如此粗魯？希斯考克斯向我保證，在正式晚宴上交談是一種技能；任何事情，如果沒人指點你你在哪裏出了錯，你很難加以改進。

I protested that there was far too much feedback in the world anyway.

我抗議道，無論如何這個世界已經有太多反饋意見。

Sometimes it was nice to be left alone to muddle through.

在不受打擾的情況下應付過去有時也不錯。

Two things have made me change my mind.

兩件事改變了我的看法。

The first is in the years since then I have been to too many dinners and sat next to too many people who were not trying hard enough.

第一件事是，在那之後的多年間，我參加了太多晚宴，坐在太多不夠盡力的人旁邊。

The second is the realisation that although there is too much useless general feedback (no, I don’t want to rate my experience in security at Heathrow Terminal 5) there is almost no specific feedback that helps us improve.

第二件事是，我意識到，雖然有太多無用的籠統反饋（不，我不想評價我在希斯羅機場5號航站樓的安檢體驗），但幾乎沒有能夠幫助我們改進的具體反饋。

Not long ago I got an email from a man who had been in the audience of a speech I had just given.

不久前，我收到了一封郵件，我在那之前剛剛發表了一次演講，郵件是一名觀衆發給我的。

You really need to sort that hair/reading glasses challenge, he wrote.

你真的需要搞定頭髮/老花鏡的挑戰，

Every time you put your reading glasses on, your hair falls over your left eye and you then keep having to flick it out of the way — it looks most amusing, but must be awkward!! As a regular presenter, I always like to get feedback.

他寫道，每次當你戴上老花鏡，你的頭髮就會遮住你的左眼，然後你就會不停地把頭髮撩開——這看起來極其好笑，但肯定很尷尬！！作爲一個定期發表演講的人，我總是喜歡得到反饋。

Hope you don’t mind me pointing it out!

希望你不介意我把這一點指出來！

I did mind his pointing it out.

我的確介意。

Unlike him, I never like to get feedback, unless it is entirely positive.

和他不一樣，我從不喜歡得到反饋，除非這些反饋是完全正面的。

And in any case, how dare he? I never asked for his views.

再說無論如何，他怎麼敢這樣？我從未請求他給出意見。

And if he thought a few exclamation marks would make his message more agreeable, he was making a grave error.

如果他覺得幾個感嘆號會讓他的郵件更容易被接受，那麼他就犯了一個嚴重的錯誤。

Yet his words struck home.

然而他的話對我觸動很大。

It was not nice to think the audience’s merriment had been mainly on account of my hair.

想到我的頭髮讓觀衆不舒服，這使我鬱悶。

So for the next few speeches I printed out any notes in 24 point so I could read them without glasses, and have now cut my hair so short there is no further danger of flicking.

所以接下來的幾次演講，我都用24號字體尺寸把要點打印出來，這樣我不需要眼鏡也能閱讀，我現在還把我的頭髮剪得很短，徹底消除需要撩開的危險。

On reflection, this man’s feedback was close to perfection.

細想之下，這個人給我的反饋接近完美。

It was direct but not rude.

直接，但不粗魯。

It was clear about what was wrong — which was something fixable.

明確地指出哪裏不對勁——而這個問題是可以搞定的。

It came from a disinterested source and was delivered by email — so saved my blushes.

這個反饋來自非利益相關方，並且是用郵件發過來的——免去了我在人前面紅耳赤。

Last week, another piece of unsolicited feedback landed in my inbox.

上週，另一份不請自來的反饋發到了我的收件箱。

This time it was from someone who was thanking me for talking at a conference he had organised.

這次郵件來自一個想要感謝我在他組織的會議上發言的人。

After a gracious start, the email finished like this: I always try to end with a tip for improvement.

在禮貌的開頭後，這封郵件是這樣結尾的：我總是試着用一個改進的小建議結尾。

It was a little complicated to get in touch, confirm your travel plans, and do the arrangements.

與你聯絡上、確定你的旅行計劃，做好安排有點複雜。

Can I suggest you get an assistant?

我能建議你找個助理嗎？

This was also good in that it was clear — only rather harder to fix than the hair as assistants do not come cheap.

這個反饋也不錯，因爲很明晰——只不過要比頭髮問題更難改正，因爲僱個助理可不便宜。

Still, it told me that my habit of ignoring admin emails is not on.

不過，這告訴我，我無視事務性郵件的習慣不太好。

I have heeded the point and will try to sharpen up.

我留意到了這一點，並且將努力改進。

The test of unsolicited feedback is not whether it is rude or unwelcome, but whether it serves the greater good.

檢驗不請自來的反饋的標準，不是這個反饋是否粗魯或者不受歡迎，而是它是否服務於更大的善。

I no longer flick my hair, and am committed to replying more promptly: the world is a happier place.

我不再撩我的頭髮，也努力做到更迅速地回覆郵件：這個世界更美好了。

Soon after my lunch with Mr Hiscox I was sat at a dinner next to a well-known snooty broadcaster.

在我與希斯考克斯共進午餐之後不久，我在一次晚宴上坐在一位著名的目中無人的主持人旁邊。

Throughout the meal I tried hard to be agreeable; he sat there taciturn, looking catatonic and mildly incredulous as I plied him with question and anecdote.

在用餐期間，我努力做到友好可親；他卻坐在那裏一言不發，在我向他拋出一大堆問題和軼事的時候看起來緊張和略微有些狐疑。

At the end of the evening I longed to offer him a report card, but bottled.

晚宴結束時，我很想給他一張成績單，但終於沒能鼓起勇氣。

I have regretted it ever since: I bet if I had explained his poor performance he would have been first shocked, then mortified.

此後我一直爲此後悔：我敢打賭，如果我向他解釋他表現糟糕，他首先會震驚，然後感到難堪。

I dare say he would have liked me (even) less, but might have tried harder in future.

我敢說，他之後會（更）不喜歡我了，但可能會在未來更加努力。

Next time, I’m going for it.

下次我一定要試一試。