和猶太女孩兒約會前,你應該知道的六件事

1. "Did you eat? Are you hungry?Did you want two bagels stacked with spreads on spreads on spreads," my mom will ask you when you visit. And twenty minutes after you've walked in. And again an hour later. The correct answer is always "yes" and the correct follow-up question is "This must be your mother's recipe, right?"

1. “你吃了嗎？你餓嗎？你想要吃堆在一起的百吉餅嗎，”我媽會在你來我家的時候這樣問你。來我家20分鐘後我媽還會問一遍。再一小時後也會如此。正確的答案總是“我餓了”，隨後應該問的問題就是“這一定是阿姨的獨家祕方吧？”

2. You call that thing from the supermarket a bagel? More like a nay-gel. A bagel is an experience. A privilege. Your scooped-out bread ball with low-fat cream cheese is offensive to me. Please know I'm going to bitch my way through anything that's not large and smelly in the best way possible.

2. 你把超市裏的那個東西稱作百吉餅？更像是個不吉餅吧。一個百吉餅就是一種體驗。一種榮幸。你所說的是低脂奶酪麪包球，我覺得我受到了冒犯。請先了解：我一定會一路上都對不大又難聞的任何東西叨叨不休的。

3. There's a big difference between cheap and frugal, bro. And if you want to make jokes about how Jews are cheap, (1) I'm going to assume you're kind of an asshat who laughs at all kinds of rude things and (2) you're not the kind of person I want to date anyway.

3. 兄弟，便宜和節儉是有很大區別的好嘛！如果你打算對猶太人如何購買便宜的東西做文章講笑話，那我猜你要麼就是那種笑話所有粗魯無禮之事的人，要麼就是那種我不願意與之約會的對象。

4. She wants to talk to her mom that much. You might not want to talk to my mom that much, but if you want to ride with me, you're going to have to. Jewish girls love their mothers. Mothers are their families. Families are really important to Jewish people, they just are.

4. 她就是喜歡和她媽媽說那麼多話。也許你不想和我媽說那麼多話，但如果你想和我在一起，那麼你就必須要忍受我這一點。猶太女孩兒很愛自己的母親。母親是她們的家人啊！而家人對猶太人是非常重要的，沒有理由，就是很重要。

5. Even if you never met before you started dating, she probably knows at least two people in your life. It's called Jewish geography and it's the world's greatest ice breaker. It's a result of years of killing it on the bar mitzvah, camp, and college. You wanna party but won't know anyone there? Worried about your potentially awkward upcoming work dinner? Bring me along. I gotchu.

5. 即使約會前你們從沒見過，但她可能已至少了解與你相關的兩個人了。這就叫做猶太地理，這也是世界上最棒的破冰者。這是因爲多年來實行的猶太成年禮、訓練營和大學的緣故。你想參加派對，卻不認識參加派對的人？爲下班後可能尷尬的晚餐而擔憂？帶上我吧，我罩着你。

6. Your camp was probably great and all but it wasn't nearly as great as her camp. Seriously, there was never a better summer on the planet than Lake Year '07 with my 36 best friends. Though you may be astounded by how many ways things that happened this year can be related back to the summer of 2007, remember my fondness for camp is rooted in my unbreakable fondness for tradition and my love of all things family.

6. 你的露營之旅很棒，但卻不如她的。說真的，沒有什麼夏令營能好過我與36個閨蜜在07年參加的湖邊夏令營了。也許你會感到很驚訝：今年發生的這些事情怎麼能讓她聯想到07年發生的事情呢？切記：我對夏令營的喜愛根植於我對傳統牢不可破的喜愛，也根植於我對家庭的喜愛。