在愛情面前 獨立女子要知道的6件事

To be an independent woman is to trust yourself. It is to believe that your life is about fulfilling your individual potential. And while that can and often does include a happy, loving partnership, independent women do one thing -- one crucial thing -- differently: they put themselves first in a world that all but demands they do the opposite.
要成爲獨立的女子，就要信任自己。要相信，生命的意義在於實現自己的潛能，在實現生命意義的過程中，你可能——而且往往會遇到一段幸福感人的愛情，獨立的女子在一件事上與衆不同——一件殘酷的事情：她們永遠會將自己放在第一位，儘管整個世界對她們的要求恰恰相反。

Here are six things self-proclaimed independent women should know before they fall in love:
如果你是一個宣揚自我價值的獨立女子，下面6件事是你在墜入愛河之前必須知道的。

1. You might fear losing the autonomy you've carved out for yourself -- not because you're going to, but because you care so much about it.
你可能會擔心喪失自己苦心培養起來的獨立性——這並不意外着你一定會失掉它，只是你太在乎自己的獨立性了。

Committing to someone genuinely can feel sacrificial. You're allowed to be afraid of losing the thing you likely value most, but you're not allowed to let that fear hold you back from other things you want just as much.
真心的爲某個人付出可能會讓你覺得犧牲了自己。你有權感到害怕，害怕自己會喪失你最重視的東西，可是別讓這種害怕成爲你或許其他你同樣渴求的東西的阻礙。

orically, you weren't supposed to maintain your "self," which is part of why it seems so difficult to do now.
在過去，女子不得不改變“獨自”的觀念，正因爲此，當下的你也會感到阻礙重重。

Back in the day, you were supposed to find an individual to marry, have your father "give you away" (pass you on as property) at the ceremony, take your new husband's last name, and dedicate your life to your relationship. You didn't have to maintain your sense of self, and it was more of an inconvenience than anything else. The idea that women can both be completely in love and completely devoted to themselves and to their life's work is new territory, and it's culminated in this feeling that we must do everything flawlessly.
在過去，你不得不找到另一“個體”結爲伴侶，讓你的父親在婚禮上將你“託付出去”，接受丈夫的姓氏，用自己的一生來經營你們之間的夫妻關係。你不必保有“自我”的觀念，這一點尤其容易帶來負面影響。現在有一種全新的觀念，認爲女子既能完全掌控自己的愛情，也能傾心關注自我，做好自己的工作，實現自己的人生目標。這種新觀念背後是深植的文化觀念——即一位女子必須把每件事都做到十全十美。

pendent women are not made for relationships in the way that women are "supposed" to be -- and their love is better for it
一位獨立女子的愛情與一般女人“應該”擁有的不一樣——她們的感情也因此更美好

We're not completely, singularly devoted to one thing or another. We value our alone time and sometimes our work or art or well-being comes first. This does not make us unequipped for real love, it facilitates it. The more we ground in who we actually are, the more we can bring that person to a genuine relationship. But getting there often requires letting go of expecting it to look the way the relationships we idolized growing up did. It's rewriting the narrative of what a love is "supposed" to be, and how it "should" feel.
我們並不能將自己的注意力完完全全的，毫不例外的傾注到一件單獨的事物上。我們珍惜自己獨處的時間，有的時候會把自己的工作，藝術創作或身體健康放在第一位，這並不會讓我們在愛情降臨時缺乏準備，反而會利於我們掌控愛情。我們堅守自我的能力越強，就越能夠帶領着對方一起進入一段真誠的愛情。不過要達到這一境地，我們就必須放棄成長過程中曾期許的戀愛模式，接受一種新的戀愛模式。這是對愛情“應爲何物”的改寫，對愛情“應有何感”的改寫。

4. Independent women tend to have incredibly high expectations.
獨立的女子往往對感情有着超高的期許

that's usually the reason why they have trouble with relationships -- romantic and not. We all know the "successful woman" archetype as it's traditionally presented: a cold, calculated, unemotional workaholic. We assume it's this nature that makes them always saddled with relationship issues, but more often, it's that they have such sky-high expectations for themselves and for their work, they have a really hard time not holding their relationships to the same standards. The only problem with that is a lack of insight: you can change your career, but you cannot change another person to be what you expect. And so long as you're focused on changing someone, you're not focused on loving him or her.
這就是獨立的女子往往在愛情中面臨問題的原因——無論他們的性格是否追求浪漫。我們都知道文化傳統所塑造的“成功女性”固定形象是怎樣的：一個性情冰冷，有條不紊的，冷酷無情的工作狂。我們常以爲是這種性情讓她們對感情問題舉棋不定，然而事實上，由於獨立的女子對於自己和她們的工作都有超級高的期望值，讓她們接受低於自己期望值的感情，就顯得尤爲困難。這種情況的問題在於，她們沒有意識到，你可以改變自己的職業，卻不能改變一個人，讓他成爲完全符合你期望的人。如果你一門心思的想要改變他，你就無法專注於如何去愛他了。

5.你的情人或許不是你生命中唯一最重要的人，但他會是你生命中最重要的人之一

Your partner won't be the most important part of your life, but he or she will be one of them.
Your relationship will come first at times, your work will come first at times, your self will come first at times. It depends on the time, and it depends how well you're able to break yourself free of the obligations you feel subconsciously compelled to. The truth is that nobody puts any one of these things first consistently. People who effectively balance everything that is important to them in their lives learn when and how to prioritize.
有的時候你的愛情是第一位的，有的時候你的工作是第一位的，有時候你自己纔是第一位的，三者孰輕孰重依時間不同而異，也會因你從潛意識裏所受的文化桎梏中超脫的能力而異。事實上，沒有人會永遠將上述三者中某一樣永遠放在第一位。有些人能夠有效的讓生命中重要的事物處於相互平衡的關係中，他們懂得何時讓其中之一優先，也懂得如何讓其中之一優先。

6. You can be independent and also be connected to another person. The right relationship will make you feel seen and respected for who you are and what you want.
你可以在自我獨立的同時構建與他人的聯繫。良好的人際關係會讓你感到自己被關注，你能做自己，表現自己的欲求的同時得到尊重。

If at any point your partner makes you feel guilty, or as though you have to choose between who and what you love, you're probably not with the right person. Or, rather, he or she is not the someone with whom you will be able to build a truly fulfilling life. The best relationships are the ones that make you more yourself, not less. Even if your fears flare up at the beginning, the right person will reassure you that he or she is not only tolerant of the life you want, not only supportive of it... but it's what they love about you most.
如果在某一時刻你的伴侶讓你感到愧疚，或者讓你感到你似乎必須在你所愛的人和你所愛的東西之間做出選擇，或許他對你並不合適。或者，也許跟他在一起並不能讓你真正過上充實而有意義的生活。最好的感情會讓你感到自己更能做自己了，而不是越來越不像自己。或許在感情開始之初你會涌起一陣恐懼感，但是對的人會讓你相信，他不僅僅能夠包容你想要的生活，也不僅僅支持你想要的生活，而且因爲你想要的生活而由衷的愛你。