社會專家:對待上門女婿人們普遍缺乏足夠的尊重

After 10 years as a necessary, but ultimately unwelcome, live-in son-in-law, Ma Xuedong divorced, and moved out of his wife's family home.

在馬學東被當作一個必需存在、卻十分不受待見的上門女婿十年之後，他最終選擇了離婚，從妻子家搬出來了。

The end of his unhappy marriage pleased the 37-year-old migrant construction worker, even though he had to scramble to find a place to live in Baoji, Shaanxi province. "My previous life was too depressing," Ma said. "It's a feeling you will never be able to understand if you have not experienced it."

儘管這名37歲的外來建築工人在陝西省寶雞市還要再找容身之地，但終結這段不幸福婚姻，他還是感到一身輕鬆。“我以前的人生太壓抑了，”馬學東說。“這種感覺如果你沒親身經歷過，那就永遠不能理解。”

Ma speaks for many of China's so-called live-in sons-in-law, who marry and move in with their wives' families, but never quite became an integral part of the family.

馬學東爲中國很多所謂的上門女婿道出了心聲。上門女婿，是指一些男人結婚後搬到妻子家裏生活，但卻從未真正成爲家庭的一員。

Their numbers are legion, a result of China's decades-old gender imbalance, a historic preference for male offspring, and the desire of families to preserve a surname in danger of dying out in a household in which all of the children are girls.

上門女婿數量龐大，是源於中國數十年來的性別失衡、中國自古以來重男輕女的思想、以及家人擔憂如果全生女孩會有“香火失傳”的危險。

In a traditional view of marriage in China, a woman marries a man and lives with his family, or the couple lives in their own house, bought by the husband's family, and their children take the husband's surname.

在中國傳統的婚姻觀中，女人同男人結婚後，應當與男方家人住在一起，或者夫妻住在由男方家庭購買的房子裏，孩子應隨男方的姓。

This custom has been upended in two ways. First, China's gender imbalance means many men, especially in rural areas, have trouble finding wives. By the end of 2015, on the Chinese mainland, men outnumbered women by 33.66 million, making it challenging for China's left-over men to find a partner. Second, a poor man who cannot pay an expected "bride price" may look for a family that will pick up the cost. These men may marry a woman with no brothers, move into the woman's family home and allow their children to carry their mother's surname.

但是這種傳統已經從兩個方面被顛覆了。首先，中國性別失衡，意味着男性難找到老婆，尤其是在農村地區。截止2015年底，中國大陸男性比女性多3366萬人，中國的“剩男”找老婆已經成爲一道難題。其次，沒錢的男人付不起彩禮錢，可能會找一個能承擔結婚費用的女方。這些男人可能會娶個沒有兄弟的女人，搬到女方家裏住，讓孩子跟女方姓。

Even though the arrangement meets the needs of all involved, families and communities still look down on those who have no sons and opt for live-in sons-in-law to fill the void. In many cases, the resentment creates unhappiness.

儘管這種方式滿足了所有人的需求，但家人和鄰里仍然瞧不起那些沒有兒子而招個上門女婿來填補空缺的人。在很多情況下，由怨恨就產生了不愉快。

Zhang Baotong, a social and economic development expert with the Shaanxi Provincial Academy of Social Sciences, said live-in sons-in-law should learn to get along with their wives' families and people in their communities.

陝西省社科學院的社會經濟發展專家張寶通表示，上門女婿應該學會如何與妻子的家人和鄰里相處。

"With the development of urbanization, more and more poor farmers will work and live in urban areas and some of them may become live-in sons-in-law as they cannot pay for houses and the other costs of marriage," Zhang said. "And our marriage concept should change with the development of the times to give full respect to the sons-in-law."

張寶通說：“隨着城市化的發展，越來越多的貧困農戶將會前往城市工作和居住，由於買不起房子且承擔不了婚姻的其他費用，其中一些人可能會做上門女婿。同時，我們的婚姻觀念應當與時俱進，對上門女婿給予充分尊重。”