老外自述:我和我的中文名字

A Foreigner By Any Other Name

In China, mi gao is a popular type of rice cake. It's also my name. It translates to Tall Rice and Chinese people find it hilarious.

Tall Rice was born on a business card, a name given to me by my cubicle neighbor at China Daily, the state-owned newspaper where I worked when I first arrived here in 2007. I had an interview lined up and I needed business cards -- essential for any formal greeting in China. Since I needed business cards, I needed a Chinese name.

My colleague tackled my request for a new name with vigor, spending the better part of an hour scribbling down different combinations of characters on a piece of paper.

She slipped the paper on my keyboard as I edited a story. There were two characters written on it.

"That means rice. That means tall, or high. It's Mi Gao," she said.

"Rice Tall?"

"Tall Rice is better."

The reporter behind me peaked his head over the cubicle wall. "Ha, that's a stupid name!"

"No it's not!" she insisted. "Mi, because your name's Mitch. And Gao, because you're tall. And the characters are beautiful."

I held up the paper. They were beautiful characters indeed.

I liked the name right away, but I had no idea then how much it would eventually mean to me. Over the course of four-and-a-half years living in China, my adopted name has become more than just a name: It is a mask, a character, an identity.

Peter Hessler, the great American writer on China, discusses his China identity in his first book, River Town. By slipping into his alter ego, Ho Wei, Hessler finds it easier to navigate Chinese life and make connections with the people around him.

"Ho Wei was completely different from my American self: He was friendlier, he was eager to talk with anybody," Hessler writes. "Also Ho Wei was stupid, which was what I liked most about him... People were comfortable with somebody that stupid, and they found it easy to talk to Ho Wei, even though they often had to say things twice or write new words in his notebook. Ho Wei always carried his notebook... and when Ho Wei returned home he left the notebook on the desk of Peter Hessler, who typed everything into his computer."

Like Hessler, I find it easier to approach and connect with Chinese people as Mi Gao. But I also find that it allows me to be whomever I want. Under a different name, I can re-invent myself. Living abroad is all about new experiences and through my alter ego I've tried to say "yes" to experiences I would never have (or want to have) back home.

As Tall Rice, I've appeared in a movie, a humiliating music video, a commercial, a Peking Opera television special and, soon, a Chinese dating show. At home, I would have said no to all of it. I didn't really want to live out these experiences, but I did want the stories to tell friends over beers. Because of Tall Rice, I could do it all.

I used to wonder why Chinese so often gave themselves such strange English names (I've encountered a Lucifer, a Math and a couple Apples, Angels and Princesses) and why they insisted on being called those names long after their foreign friends memorized their Chinese names-- their real names.

I don't wonder about it anymore. I get it. Living in a foreign country or being among foreigners can be difficult and sometimes putting on a disguise makes it just a little easier. Besides, some foreigners here have Chinese names that see and raise any English names locals have chosen for themselves. I know a Graceful Dragon (Aaron), a Big Dragon (Nick), a Dangerous Pig (Julian) and a Horse Cubes (Martin).

Language is a big part of a China identity. In that respect, you have to earn your Chinese name. I came to China armed with an arsenal of one Chinese word, ni hao, my silver bullet. It wasn't until I started to make headway (albeit incremental) in Chinese that I started to feel truly comfortable here, to begin becoming Tall Rice.

Like Hessler, I enjoy slipping into my second identity. I can be goofy and ridiculous. I can be totally at ease behind the mask. It's around my Chinese teacher and good friend Guo Li, who knows me only as Mi Gao, that I feel most comfortable. I talk to her about anything and everything, because I feel like it's not really me talking. I feel like I can be completely open with her. She's like my therapist. She knows everything except my name.

Four years ago, it would have been hard to figure that these two funny little characters, 米高, would end up meaning so much to me. Now that they do, I can't imagine friends like Guo Li calling me by anything else.

To her, I'm an easy-going, dim-witted foreigner. To her, I'm Tall Rice.

中國有種很有名的用米做的糕點，叫米糕。這也是我的名字，譯作米高，中國人覺得很好玩。

米高這個名字的由來是因爲要做名片。《中國日報》挨着我工位的同事幫我起了這個名字——2007年，我剛到中國的時候在這家國有報紙工作。我準備做個採訪，需要名片，在中國，名片正式問候時必備品。要名片，就要中文名，於是米高從此出現在我的世界裏。

我找同事幫忙，她很上心，在紙上寫下不同的字詞組合，用了大半小時。

我在編輯稿件的時候，她悄悄地在我的鍵盤上放了張紙，上面有兩個字。

她告訴我：“這個意思是米(rice)，那個意思是高(tall)，合起來是米高。”

“高米？(rice tall)”

“叫米高要好一些。”

坐在我的工位後面的記者伸出頭來說：“哈，這個名字太傻了。”

“纔不！”她堅稱，“米，是因爲你的名字是米奇，高，是因爲你個子很高。並且，這兩個字看起來很優美。”

我拿起紙來看，這兩個字確實很美。

我立刻對這個名字產生了好感，不過，我不知道這兩個字對我來說到底意味着什麼。我在中國的四年半中，這個名字已經遠不止是個名字，而是個面具，是個性，也是個身份。

彼得·赫斯勒，那位書寫中國很有名的美國作家，曾在自己的第一本著作《River Town》中談論到他的中國身份的事情。他發現，利用自己的另外一個身份——何偉，在中國的生活更加容易了，和別人打交道的時候更加自如了。

赫斯勒寫道：“何偉這個身份完全不同於美國名字那個身份：他更友好，更想和別人說說話聊聊天。還有就是，何偉顯得有些傻氣，這也是我最喜愛的一點。人們和有點傻的人在一起的時候會覺得更舒服，他們覺得很容易與何偉打交道——雖然他們經常需要重複自己的話、或者將陌生的詞寫到他的本子上。何偉總是帶着他的筆記本，回到家的時候，會將筆記本放在彼得·赫斯勒的桌子上——他將一切鍵入電腦。”

和赫斯勒一樣，我覺得用米高這個名字更易和人接近。不過，我也發現，這個名字也讓我可以做我想做的任何人。用不同一個名字，我可以重新塑造自我。住在海外，一切都是全新的體驗，利用這個身份，我可以去嘗試一切我沒有經歷過（也不曾想過要經歷）的事情。

作爲高米，我出現在一部電影裏、有些丟人的MV裏、商業廣告裏、京劇電視節目中，很快還會參加一臺中國的相親節目中。如果在自己國家，我肯定對這一切都是拒絕態度。我不是很想實踐這些的，但是，我確實想和朋友喝酒的時候，給他們講講我的有趣經歷。作爲米高，我可以去做這些。

我曾經驚訝於爲何中國人經常會給自己起那麼奇怪的英文名（我碰到過叫路西佛的——Lucifer有魔鬼之意，還碰到過叫瑪斯的——Math數學之意，還有“蘋果”、“天使”、“王子”等等），而且我也想知道爲何外國朋友都記住他們的中文名字了，還要別人叫他們英文名。

我現在不覺得奇怪了。我明白了。旅居國外或是生活在外國人圈子裏是有些不易相處的，帶上這樣的假身份會更容易些。另外，一些在這裏的外國人，給自己取的中文名也帶有本來自己英文名的一點痕跡。我認識的人中，艾倫（Aaron）取名雅龍，尼克（Nick）取名大龍，朱利安（Julian）取名險豬，馬丁（Martin）取名馬立方。

語言是中國身份很重要一部分。從這方面來講，你得有中文名。我來到中國的時候，只會說一箇中文單詞“你好”。只有我在中文方面進步了，我纔開始真正適應，開始成爲米高。

像赫斯勒那樣，我喜歡做這個自己，我可以傻可以笨可以是滑稽可笑的，我可以在這張面具下，輕鬆自在。我和我的中國良師益友郭麗在一起的時候，是最舒服自在的，她只把我當做米高，我和她無話不說，因爲我感覺不是真正的我在說話，我感覺我可以和她敞開心扉，她就像我的諮詢師，知道我的一切——除了我的真名。

四年前，對我來說，很難想象出這兩個有趣的文字：米高，會對我有這樣的意義。我也很難想象，像郭麗這樣的朋友，叫我別的名字時會是什麼樣子。

對她來說，我很平易近人，是個有點傻氣的外國人。對她來說，我就是米高。