時尚雙語:怎樣認識一個操縱者？

You walk past them one day and they smile at you and suddenly you are walking the same way every day, just to see that smile again. They slowly approach moving closer to you and giving you a little more insight each day about who they are. They have an air of confidence but a shy demeanor. Finally they say hi and you practically drop to your knees with excitement.

This is how a manipulator starts. They usually come into your lives slowly as they read you and figure out your body language, likes and dislikes and even your wardrobe. I was told once that the wisest person in the room was the one who wasn't saying anything, they were listening to everything that was going on. I realized when I became that quiet person, it wasn't just the listening that they were doing. We study you and capture every moment until you become the target. We follow and know every move you make. Then we move in for the kill, get what we want and leave.

So how do you know who we are? Here is a not-so-simple list of things that you can watch for.

1. Attitude

Not so simple to see if you are already hooked, but you can spot it in people. Most of the time you know when people are giving you attitude but that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about how they carry themselves and it isn't an attitude that makes you step back and decide to get defensive. They have perfected what they need to send off as their attitude to make you think you should approach them or allow them to approach you. If you look closely though there is a fine line between who they really are and who they have perfected for you. Trust your first instinct because your subconscious mind may be seeing more than you do. Keep your guard up and watch for theirs to fall occasionally.

Good To Be True

Like everyone says, “if it's too good to be true.” They are right. If they have too much in common with you be very leery, they have probably studied enough to know about things you may like and can bullshit their way through it. We, I mean they, are really good at that. The perfect sales people. Some of them can read you in a split second.

ng the World

If someone swoops in when they see you are down, they could be a good friend, or they may have just been waiting for the opportunity to sweep you off your feet and save the world. I have a lot of friends that swoop in when I need them, but I can always tell when someone is trying to take advantage of a situation. I guess it is intuition again and hard to explain. But they want to make your world perfect and be your savior. They will constantly be a shoulder to cry on and when the time is right they will pull you in.

ly Reasonable

When they seem perfect and want to be over reasonable about things, like you spending time with your friends, usually there is a hook later. Once you think that they are perfect and you are hooked, they will start cutting you off from the people who love you. It may be a slow process of one friend at a time or one place, like your favorite bar, at a time. Know who your real friends are before you start relying on a new person who says you shouldn't listen to them. Stay on your toes and be watchful of someone who slowly tells you that other people are taking advantage of you.

I have a daughter that doesn't quit seem to get it when people tell her to pay attention to things. She doesn't seem to catch on when people try to tell her what other people might be doing to her. I have to sit down and give her a list and then point things out after they happen. That is not uncommon because she is still kind of young but I worry about what is going to happen when I am not there? Who is going to tell her that she is being manipulated? If I could just teach her to be on her toes and watch for these signs then maybe she will learn. Having a watchful eye and knowing what to look for helps, but some manipulators are very good and they know what you will be looking for. Also, some people who act like this may truly be good people and you don't want to let them go. How do you know which they are? You have to watch and trust your own judgment two things that are very hard to do when someone is flattering you and saving your world.

你和他們擦身而過，他們對你報以微笑，忽然之間你習慣了每天走那條路，只爲了能再次見到那個微笑。慢慢地，他們走近了你，讓你能夠對他們有進一步的瞭解。他們對你打招呼讓後你終於興奮得拜倒在他們腳下。

這就是一個操縱者是如何開始的。他們經常會走進你的生活，讀懂你，理解你的肢體語言、喜歡的、不喜歡的，甚至你的全部服裝。曾經有人告訴我一屋子人中，最聰明的那個是什麼都不說的人，他們只是聆聽、觀察正在發生的一切。當我變成那個安靜的人之後，我才知道他們並不僅僅是在聽。我們分析你、瞭解你，捕捉你的每個瞬間直到你成爲我們的目標。我們跟隨你並且瞭解你所做的每一格動作，然後拿走我們想要的離開。

那你要怎樣知道我們是誰呢？這裏有一個並不簡單的條目你可以參考。

1.態度

要想清楚你是否成爲目標並不容易，但是你可以在人羣中發現這個。許多時候當有人給你擺架子的時候你會發現，但是這個並不是我想談的。我要談的是他們怎樣會有怎樣的舉止和態度，以至於不讓你害怕併產生戒備心理。他們力求使自己的態度完美一邊你會接近他們或者允許他們接近你。你是否還是看起來容易接近即使他們的舉動和真實身份之間有明顯的區別。相信自己的第一感覺，因爲你的潛意識看到的比你瞭解得更多。豎起防備，小心不經意間陷入。

2.好得讓人難以置信

想大家說得那樣，太好就讓人難以置信。他們是對的。是否他們和你有太多共同的地方，這樣太狡猾了，他們大概已經深入地瞭解你所喜歡的事情，故而他們可以順利地實現自己的計劃，我們，也就是“他們”，是非常精通這些的。太過完美經常會出賣人，他們中的一些人在看到你的瞬間就能看懂你。

3.拯救世界

如果有人看到你倒了就衝過來，他們可以是一個好朋友，又或者他們他們只是在等候這個機會把你打倒，拯救世界。我與許多朋友，他們總是在我需要的時候出現，但是我經常會分辨出黨有人是在利用這個條件。我想這就是直覺吧，難以解釋。但是他們想讓你的世界變得完美，成爲你的救世主。在你想哭的時候，他們總是會給你一個肩膀，然後再合適的時候，把你擁入懷抱。

4.過度的合理

當他們看起來完美無缺並且想要讓事情看起來無可挑剔，就像你和朋友相處一樣，但是通常之後會有一個陷阱。一旦你發祥他們太過完美並且你上圈套時，他們就會把切斷你和關心你的人的聯繫。It may be a slow process of one friend at a time or one place,像你最喜歡的酒吧，at a time.在你決定依靠一個陌生人who says you shouldn't listen to them的時候，先搞清楚誰是你真正的朋友。當有人告訴你別人是在利用你的時候，冷靜下來並且認真觀察他的言行。

我的女兒，她總是在別人告訴她留心一些事情的收穫滿不在乎。當別人試着告訴她有些人會對她做一些事情的時候，她看起來無法理解。我不得不靜下來給她列一個清單，然後在事情發生之後給她指出來。這並不稀奇因爲她畢竟還是個孩子。但是我擔心如果我不在了會發生些什麼？在她被控制的時候誰去告訴她？如果我告訴她冷靜地觀察這些訊息，也許她就會了解。一定要有一雙洞悉的眼睛，知道向誰求助，但是有些非常專業的操作者他們知道你在尋找什麼。而且，一些有這些做法的人，他們真的是好人，那你可不要讓他走開。那你怎麼知道他是好是壞呢？你就要認真地觀察並且堅信自己的判斷。但是當有人奉承你並且可以拯救你的時候，這就很難辦到了。