啃老族該如何營造和諧家庭氛圍

Millennials, meet your new roommates: mom and dad. The Pew Research Center recently released a study that found that a record-breaking 36% of the nation’s young adults ages 18 to 31 were living in their parents’ home in 2012.

千禧一代，快迎接你的新室友：你的爸媽。皮尤研究中心最近公佈的一項研究表明，2012年美國18-31歲的青年，有超過36%的人都住在父母家。

Among them is Rachel Horn, a 23-year-old living in Los Angeles who moved back to her parents’ house after graduating from the University of Southern California. “I graduated and my lease was up at my apartment at USC, and housing in LA is so expensive,” she says. “I wanted to try to move back home to save money so I could afford a place on my own.”

雷切爾霍恩就是其中一員，23歲的她現居洛杉磯，自從於南加州大學畢業後就搬回去和父母一起住了。她說：“畢業後，我大學裏的公寓租賃就到期了，洛杉磯的房價又高得離譜。所以我只好搬回家，然後自食其力存錢買房。”

According to Pew, Horn isn’t alone. Statistics from the study show that a major reason young adults are moving home is economic challenges. According to Pew, “three-in-ten parents of adult children report that a child of theirs has moved back in with them in the past few years because of the economy.”

從皮尤的研究可知，和恩並非特例。其數據顯示，年輕成年人搬回家的主要原因就是經濟壓力過大。調查還表明“其中三成的父母指出他們的小孩在過去幾年回家居住皆因經濟拮据。”

Despite the money saved, however, when young adults move back in family relationships can become strained. “Being around my parents so much was hard at first,” says Horn. “Your parents are completely different from your friends at school or roommates your age. I started to feel like I was in high school again at certain points.”

那些青壯年們一搬回家，雖說省去了租房的錢，但和父母的關係可能就會變得緊張起來。“一開始我那無處不在的父母真的讓我倍感煎熬，”霍恩說道。“他們跟我學校同齡的朋友、室友完全就是兩回事。某些時候我都懷疑自己好像又回到高中時代了。”

Privacy, house rules, and family roles all come into question when young adults cohabitate with parents. “The biggest obstacle for young people when moving back home is understanding their role as the adult child,” says life coach and author Tanya White. “Life is different when moving back home as an adult. Your roles and responsibilities change.”

當跟父母處在同一屋檐下，無論是隱私，家規還是家庭角色都會讓人糾結。“年輕人搬回家住會遇到的最大挑戰就是得像個成年人一樣去扮演他們作爲兒女的角色，”生活導師兼作家譚雅.懷特這樣說，“作爲一個成年人搬回父母那裏，生活會變得截然不同。你的角色和責任也會發生改變。”

Dr. Susan Newman, author of “Under One Roof Again: All Grown Up and (Re)learning to Live Together Happily,” agrees with White. “For the majority of young adults returning to live at home, the major stumbling block is falling back into the mommy-daddy-child roles,” says Newman. “Many young adults who return home do not assume responsibility in ways that assist parents and make the living arrangement more equitable. As a result, tensions build where there doesn’t have to be any.”Luckily, tension can be prevented.

蘇珊.紐曼博士，《第二次同一屋檐下：長大後學會和諧相處》一書的作者與懷特觀點不謀而合。“一大批青壯年向父母家遷徙，其中最主要的障礙就是怎樣進入媽媽-爸爸-孩子的角色，”紐曼認爲：“大多數年輕人回到家都不承擔家務的責任，也不幫助父母減輕生活的負擔。最終就形成了毫無必要的緊張氛圍。”幸好這種氛圍還可以避免。

Talk It Out

直言不諱

The first step is Communication. “Communication and conflict resolution are key to having a successful home life when adult children move back home,” says White.

交流是消除緊張氛圍的第一步。“當年輕人搬回家時，交流和解決衝突是營造和諧家庭的關鍵，”懷特說。

Start with an open dialogue about house rules and personal boundaries to avert future conflicts before they become overwhelming and congregate. “Boundaries separating you from parents occurred automatically when you were independent, formed either by the physical distance or the amount of contact you orchestrated,” explains Newman. “When you live together again, boundaries can blur quickly. You will want to install ground rules that reshuffle the boundaries to ensure your parents’ and your freedom, comfort, and happiness.”

在衝突壓倒性襲來之前，就開門見山地談論一下家規和個人生活界限吧。“當你獨立自主後，與父母之間的隔閡就會不知不覺地形成，這些隔閡表現在你與父母的肢體接觸和你精心策劃的聯繫次數，”紐曼解釋道。“當你們再次同居一室時，隔閡瞬間顯現出來。屆時你就會想要重新制定一系列的規則以確保父母和你都能自由，舒適，愉悅地共處。”

Compromise

學會妥協

Living with anyone, whether it is your parents, a spouse, or a roommate, requires compromise. Discuss what your parents’ expectations are compared to your own, and meet in the middle. “Work around the things you believe [your parents] can’t or won’t change,” says Newman. Be creative and present options for solutions to conflicts that you don’t see eye-to eye on. “If you want changes, you will have to ask for them calmly, not in an authoritative way,” says Newman. “Let’s say that you don’t want your parents in your room or cleaning up after you, tell them that you will tend to those things. Or explain that you will do your own laundry.”

跟別人相處，無論對方是你的父母，配偶，亦或者室友，都需要妥協。要跟父母交流一下彼此的願想，然後雙方再折中妥協。“嘗試努力去改變你認爲父母會堅持的意見，”紐曼說。要靈活應對衝突，雙方達不到共識的時候，要給出建設性意見。“如果你想有所改變，那就冷靜地跟他們談談，而不是特立獨行，”紐曼說。“告訴父母你不希望他們進入你的房間，也不想他們幫你打掃衛生，告訴他們你自己會打掃。或者向他們好好解釋你的衣服自己會洗。”

Lend a Hand

互相幫助

Both Newman and White suggest assisting with household responsibilities to create a pleasant living situation. “Young people who move back home must help support their parents financially and with the household responsibilities, i.e. chores [and] unexpected expenses,” says White.

紐曼和懷特都給出建議說幫助承擔家庭責任能夠創造良好的居住環境。“搬回家住的年輕人有義務幫助父母減輕經濟負擔，同時也有承擔家庭責任的必要，簡單地說就是做點家務或者償付預算外的支出，”懷特說。

Newman says that in addition, going beyond everyday chores is vital to create a supportive environment. “Call on the way home to see if you should stop at the store to pick up something for dinner, or at the cleaners to retrieve the clothes that are ready,” says Newman. “In this way, a whole scheme of cooperating evolves.”

紐曼覺得除此之外，履行日常家務以外的職責是創造互助環境的關鍵，“在回家的路上打個電話問是否需要順便買點晚餐之類的東西，或者在洗衣店把洗乾淨的衣服捎回家，紐曼如是說道。“如此一來，便皆大歡喜。”