經典科幻文學:《 再見 多謝你們的魚》第20章6

Arthur, I mean this, this is very real to me, this is serious.
I was being perfectly serious, said Arthur. It’s just the Universe I’m never quite sure about.
What do you mean by that?
Tell me the rest of it, he said. Don’t worry if it sounds odd. Believe me, you are talking to someone who has seen a lot of stuff, he added, that is odd. And I don’t mean biscuits.
She nodded, and seemed to believe him. Suddenly, she gripped his arm. It was so simple, she said, so wonderfully and extraordinarily simple, when it came.
What was it? said Arthur quietly.
Arthur, you see, she said, that’s what I no longer know. And the loss is unbearable. If I try to think back to it, it all goes flickery and jumpy, and if I try too hard, I get as far as the teacup and I just black out.
What?
Well, like your story, she said, the best bit happened in a cafe. I was sitting there, having a cup of tea. This was after days of this build up, the feeling of becoming connected up. I think I was buzzing gently. And there was some work going on at a building site opposite the cafe, and I was watching it through the window, over the rim of my teacup, which I always find is the nicest way of watching other people working. And suddenly, there it was in my mind, this message from somewhere. And it was so simple. It made such sense of everything. I just sat up and thought, “Oh! Oh, well that’s all right then.” I was so startled I almost dropped my teacup, in fact I think I did drop it. Yes, she added thoughtfully, I’m sure I did. How much sense am I making?
It was fine up to the bit about the teacup.
She shook her head, and shook it again, as if trying to clear it, which is what she was trying to do.
Well that’s it, she said. Fine up to the bit about the teacup. That was the point at which it seemed to me quite literally as if the world exploded.
What?…
I know it sounds crazy, and everybody says it was hallucinations, but if that was hallucinations then I have hallucinations in big screen 3D with 16-track Dolby Stereo and should probably hire myself out to people who are bored with shark movies. It was as if the ground was literally ripped from under my feet, and… and…
She patted the grass lightly, as if for reassurance, and then seemed to change her mind about what she was going to say.
And I woke up in hospital. I suppose I’ve been in and out ever since. And that’s why I have an instinctive nervousness, she said, of sudden startling revelations that’s everything’s going to be all right. She looked up at him.
Arthur had simply ceased to worry himself about the strange anomalies surrounding his return to his home world, or rather had consigned them to that part of his mind marked “Things to think about Urgent.” Here is the world, he had told himself. Here, for whatever reason, is the world, and here it stays. With me on it. But now it seemed to go swimmy around him, as it had that night in the car when Fenchurch’s brother had told him the silly stories about the CIA agent in the reservoir. The trees went swimmy. The lake went swimmy, but this was perfectly natural and nothing to be alarmed by because a grey goose had just landed on it. The geese were having a great relaxed time and had no major answers they wished to know the questions to.
Anyway, said Fenchurch, suddenly and brightly and with a wide-eyed smile, there is something wrong with part of me, and you’ve got to find out what it is. We’ll go home.
Arthur shook his head.
What’s the matter? she said.
Arthur had shaken his head, not to disagree with her suggestion which he thought was a truly excellent one, one of the world’s great suggestions, but because he was just for a moment trying to free himself of the recurring impression he had that just when he was least expecting it the Universe would suddenly leap out from behind a door and go boo at him.
I’m just trying to get this entirely clear in my mind, said Arthur, you say you felt as if the Earth actually… exploded…
Yes. More than felt.

“阿瑟，我是認真的，這對我很真實，這很嚴肅。”
“我正非常嚴肅呢，”阿瑟說。“我對宇宙都沒這麼肯定過。”
“你的意思是？”
“告訴我剩下的事情，”他說。“不要擔心它聽上去很詭異。相信我，正在跟你談話的人已經見識過很多這樣的，”他補充說，“這樣詭異的東西了。而且我不是指餅乾。”
她點點頭，似乎要相信他。突然，她抓住了他的胳膊。“這是如此地簡單，”她說，“當它到來時是如此奇妙超凡地簡單。”
“它是什麼？”阿瑟靜靜地問。
“阿瑟，你看，”她說，“這就是我不再知道的東西。我不能忍受這一缺失。如果我試圖回想，這一切就變得閃爍跳躍，如果我太過用心，我就只能回憶到茶杯然後暈過去。”
“什麼？”
“好吧，跟你的故事一樣，”她說，“最精彩的部分發生在咖啡館。我當時坐在那兒，喝一杯茶。這是在這種連結的感覺出現之後幾天。我有些暈乎。咖啡館對面的建築工地正在施工，我正透過窗戶看着工地，我從茶杯的輪廓上方望過去，我總是覺得這是最好的觀察別人幹活兒的方式。而突然間，我的腦海中出現了，來自某處的訊息。它是如此的簡單。它讓世間的一切都如此的合理。我就站起來然後想。‘哦！哦，好吧，這太好了。’我震驚的幾乎要把茶杯掉了，事實上我想我確實把茶杯掉了。是的，”她意味深長地補充道，“我確信我把茶杯掉了。我現在說的有多少靠譜的嗎？”
“到茶杯那段都挺好。”
她搖了搖頭，又搖了搖頭，好像在試圖清理頭腦，她正是要清理頭腦。
“好吧，就是這樣，”她說。“到茶杯那段都挺好。那似乎就是我的世界幾乎爆炸的那一點。”
“什麼……?”
“我知道這聽上去很瘋狂，而且所有人都說那是幻覺，但如果那是幻覺，那麼我的幻覺就是在3D大銀幕上搭配着16聲道杜比立體聲播放的，我可能應該把自己租給那些看膩了鯊魚電影的人。那就好像大地真的在我腳下撕裂，然後……然後……”
她輕輕地拍着草地，好像是爲了安下心，然後似乎改變了要說的話。
“然後我在醫院醒來。我從此就不停地在那兒進進出出了。這就是爲什麼我有種本能的神經過敏，”她說，“對於突然間明白一切都會好的。”她仰着頭看他。
阿瑟早就已經簡單地停止了去爲回到故鄉世界之後自己周圍奇怪詭異的環境而憂慮，或者換句話說，他是把那些東西交付給了頭腦中標着“待想事項——緊急”的部分。“這裏就是那個世界，”他曾告訴自己，“這裏，不管是什麼原因，就是那個世界，而且它還在這兒。我與它同在。”但如今他周圍的一切似乎都模糊起來，就好像那天晚上在車裏當芬琪詩的哥哥告訴他有關水庫裏的CIA探員的蠢故事一樣。樹模糊了。湖面模糊了，但這是極端自然而且毫無必要警惕的因爲一隻灰鵝剛落上去。那些鵝在享受着清閒的時光，對希望知道的問題沒有明確答案。
“總之，”芬琪詩說，突然晴朗地一笑，睜大雙眼，“我身上的某個部位不對頭，而你要找出來那是什麼。然後我們再回家。”
阿瑟搖着頭。
“怎麼了？”她說。
阿瑟搖頭，不是要反對她的提議，他覺得這個提議真是相當妙，是世界上最好的提議之一，只是由於他正在試圖讓自己從那種感覺——在最不可預料的時候宇宙突然後跳出來嚇你一跳的感覺中解脫出來一會。
“我只是想讓腦子完全清醒一下。”阿瑟說，“你說你感到好像地球真的……爆炸了……”
“是的。不止是感到。”