經典科幻文學:《 再見 多謝你們的魚》第8章1

Arthur awoke feeLing wonderful, absolutely fabulous, refreshed, overjoyed to be home, bouncing with energy, hardly disappointed at all to discover it was the middle of February.
He almost danced to the fridge, found the three least hairy things in it, put them on a plate and watched them intently for two minutes. Since they made no attempt to move within that time he called them breakfast and ate them. Between them they killed a virulent space disease he’s picked up without knowing it in the Flargathon Gas Swamps a few days earlier, which otherwise would have killed off half the population of the Western Hemisphere, blinded the other half and driven everyone else psychotic and sterile, so the Earth was lucky there.
He felt strong, he felt healthy. He vigorously cleared away the junk mail with a spade and then buried the cat.
Just as he was finishing that, the phone went, but he let it ring while he maintained a moment’s respectful silence. Whoever it was would ring back if it was important.
He kicked the mud off his shoes and went back inside.
There had been a small number of significant letters in the piles of junk some documents from the council, dated three years earlier, relating to the proposed demolition of his house, and some other letters about the setting up of a public inquiry into the whole bypass scheme in the area; there was also an old letter from Greenpeace, the ecological pressure group to which he occasionally made contributions, asking for help with their scheme to release dolphins and orcas from captivity, and some postcards from friends, vaguely complaining that he never got in touch these days.
He collected these together and put them in a cardboard file which he marked “Things To Do”. Since he was feeling so vigorous and dynamic that morning, he even added the word “Urgent!”
He unpacked his towel and another few odd bits and pieces from the plastic bag he had acquired at the Port Brasta Mega-Market. The slogan on the side was a clever and elaborate pun in Lingua Centauri which was completely incomprehensible in any other language and therefore entirely pointless for a Duty Free Shop at a spaceport. The bag also had a hole in it so he threw it away.
He realized with a sudden twinge that something else must have dropped out in the small spacecraft that had brought him to Earth, kindly going out of its way to drop him right beside the A303. He had lost his battered and spaceworn copy of the thing which had helped him find his way across the unbelievable wastes of space he had traversed. He had lost The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
Well, he told himself, this time I really won’t be needing it again.
He had some calls to make.
He had decided how to deal with the mass of contradictions his return journey precipitated, which was that he would simply brazen it out.
He phoned the BBC and asked to be put through to his department head.

阿瑟醒來，感覺良好，相當高興，煥然一新，極度喜悅，精力充沛，當他發現自己正處在二月中旬時竟然幾乎沒有任何失望。
他幾乎是踏着輕快的舞步跳到了冰箱那兒，踅摸出了三塊長毛長得最少的東西並把它們放進盤子裏，專心致志地盯了兩分鐘。由於那些東西沒有做任何移動的嘗試，他便把它們稱爲早餐，然後吃了下去。那些“早餐”消滅了阿瑟幾天前在弗拉加森瓦斯沼澤中無意間染上的一種星際致命病菌，而那種病菌本可以消滅西半球一半的人口並讓剩下的一半致盲並讓其他的所有人患上精神病和不育症。所以說，地球還真是幸運。
他覺得壯實了，他覺得健康了。他精力充沛地用鏟子清理了那些垃圾郵件，還把那隻貓給埋了。
他剛搞定了這些事兒，電話就響了，但是他把鈴聲晾在那兒，讓自己維持一刻可敬的寧靜。不管是誰打來的，如果事兒很重要，他一定還會再打回來的。
他蹭掉了鞋上的泥，走回了屋裏。
在那坨垃圾上有幾封很重要的信——一些來自議會的文件，日期是三年前，關於他的房子的拆遷議案，還有一些信是關於爲整個在該地區修建通道的計劃召開聽證會；那裏也有一封來自綠色和平組織的陳舊的信，那個他偶爾會參與的生態團體希望他幫忙把海豚和逆戟鯨從牢籠中解救出來，還有幾張朋友的明信片，裏面含糊地抱怨着他近些天來從未跟他們聯絡。
他把那些信攏在一起放進一個紙板文件夾裏，文件夾上標着“待辦事項”。由於這個早上他感到自己是如此的精力旺盛，他甚至在上面加上了“緊急！”二字。
他把自己的毛巾和其它的一點零碎東西從那個布拉斯塔空港超巨市場的塑料袋裏掏出來。袋子側面的標語是半人馬座語言中一個精妙而睿智的雙關，用其它任何語言都完全不能解讀，因此把它用在空港的免稅店中是沒有任何意義的。那個袋子還破了個洞，因此他把它給扔了。
他突然刺痛般地意識到一定有些其它的東西落在送他來地球的小飛船上了，那艘小飛船在A303區域友善地改變了原定路線，把他送了回來。他丟了自己那本破爛的飽經宇宙風霜的曾幫助他在橫穿那堆不可思議的太空垃圾中找到方向的東西。他丟了銀河系漫遊指南。
好吧，他對自己說，這年頭我真的再也用不着那玩意兒了。
他有幾個電話需要打。
他已經決定好該如何處理關於自己突然歸來的一堆矛盾了，他只要厚着臉艮下去就好了。
他打給BBC，要求把電話轉到他的上級部門。