殘忍而美麗的情誼:The Kite Runner 追風箏的人(101)

“Their sons go out to nightclubs looking for meat and get their girlfriends pregnant, they have kids out of wedlock and no one says a goddamn thing. Oh, they’re just men having fun! I make one mistake and suddenly everyone is talking nang and namoos, and I have to have my face rubbed in it for the rest of my life.”
I wiped a tear from her jawline, just above her birthmark, with the pad of my thumb.
“I didn’t tell you,” Soraya said, dabbing at her eyes, “but my father showed up with a gun that night. He told... him... that he had two bullets in the chamber, one for him and one for himself if I didn’t come home. I was screaming, calling my father all kinds of names, saying he couldn’t keep me locked up forever, that I wished he were dead.” Fresh tears squeezed out between her lids. “I actually said that to him, that I wished he were dead.
“When he brought me home, my mother threw her arms around me and she was crying too. She was saying things but I couldn’t understand any of it because she was slurring her words so badly. So my father took me up to my bedroom and sat me in front of the dresser mirror. He handed me a pair of scissors and calmly told me to cut off all my hair. He watched while I did it.
“I didn’t step out of the house for weeks. And when I did, I heard whispers or imagined them everywhere I went. That was four years ago and three thousand miles away and I’m still hearing them.”
“Fuck ‘em,” I said. She made a sound that was half sob, half laugh. “When I told you about this on the phone the night of khastegari, I was sure you’d change your mind.”
“No chance of that, Soraya.”She smiled and took my hand. “I’m so lucky to have found you. You’re so different from every Afghan guy I’ve met.”
“Let’s never talk about this again, okay?”
“Okay.”

“她們的兒子晚上到酒吧鬼混，尋歡作樂，搞大女朋友的肚子，未婚生子，沒有人會說半句閒話。哦，他們只是找樂子的男人罷了。我不過犯了一次錯，而突然之間，所有人都開始談論清白和尊嚴，我一輩子將不得不揹負這個罪名，擡不起頭來。”
我伸出拇指，從她下巴抹去一顆淚珠，就在她的胎記上方。
“我沒跟你說，”索拉雅說，眼裏泛着淚花，“那天夜裏，我爸爸掏出一把槍。他告訴……那人……說槍膛裏有兩顆子彈，如果我不回家，他就一槍打死他，然後自殺。我尖叫着，用各種各樣的話罵我爸爸，跟他說他無法將我鎖上一輩子，告訴他我希望他去死”她又哭起來，淚水沾滿嘴脣。“我真的對他那麼說，說我希望他去死。”
“他把我帶回家時，我媽媽伸臂抱住我，她也哭起來了。她在說話，可是我一句也沒聽清，因爲她口齒不清，說話含混。於是我爸爸將我帶回我的房間，令我坐在化妝鏡前面，給我一把剪刀，不動聲色地叫我把頭髮都剪下來。我剪的時候，他就在旁邊看着。”
“一連好幾個星期，我都沒有出門。而當我走出去的時候，無論走到哪裏，我都能聽到有人竊竊私語，或者那是想像出來的。四年過去了，那個地方離這兒三千英里，而我還能聽到這些話。”
“讓他們去死。”我說。她破涕爲笑，說：“提親那夜，我在電話裏把事情告訴你，原以爲你會改變主意。”
“沒有什麼能改變，索拉雅。”她微笑起來，握住我的手。“能夠找到你我真幸運。你和我遇到的阿富汗男人都不同。”
“讓我們永遠別提這個了，好嗎？”?
“好的。