地道英語笑話
英語笑話是一種經過藝術加工的語言形式,是藝術化的語言,笑話是一種藝術方法。下面是本站小編整理的地道英語笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!
地道英語笑話：冰箱裏的儲蓄罐
My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank, which drives him crazy.
我表妹總是從她哥哥的小豬撲滿裏“借錢”，她哥哥對此事感到很憤怒。
One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the refrigerator.
一天，表妹四處尋找，最後竟然在冰箱裏發現了撲滿。
Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll understand, but my capital has been frozen."
撲滿裏有張紙條：“親愛的妹妹，我希望你能夠理解，我的資產現在已被凍結。”
地道英語笑話：I Understand Him我懂他的話
While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.
"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.
"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly . A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"
"I'm a dentist," my husband explained.
在飯店吃飯的時候，我申斥我4歲的兒子，因爲他滿嘴食物在說話。“喔、呢”，我聽到的就是這些。 “祖，”我責備道，“沒人明白你在說什麼。” “他說他要一些番茄醬，”我丈夫平靜地說。坐在旁邊的一位婦女靠過來問道：“你究竟如何明白他的話的呢?” “我是牙醫。”我丈夫解釋道。
地道英語笑話：我爲什麼逃避手術
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
一位男士在進行手術前被發現正沿着醫院的大廳逃離。
"What's the matter?" he was asked.
“發生了什麼?”有人問他。
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"
男士回答道：“我聽見護士說，‘這只是一個簡單的手術。不用擔心，我相信不會出問題的。’”
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
“她這樣做是想讓你感到安心啊，有什麼好害怕的?”
"She was talking to the damn doctor!"
“可她是在對那該死的手術醫生說!”
地道英語笑話：The Cemetery Shortcut爲抄近路走墓地
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
萬聖節派對過後，兩男人圖個樂呵，打算抄近路穿過墓地回家。
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
走到墓地中央時，他們被從迷霧中傳來的“答、答、答”聲驚嚇到了。
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
正當兩人害怕得渾身顫抖時，他們看到是個老頭拿着鐵錘和鑿子，在一塊墓石上鑿着什麼。
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
“哇塞，先生，”其中一人喘了口氣說，“你把我們嚇得半死啊，我們還以爲遇上鬼了呢!那麼晚了你在這裏做什麼?”
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
“那幫白癡!”老頭抱怨道，“他們把我名字拼錯啦!”
地道英語笑話：保證沒走錯To be on the Safe Side
In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer.
在一家電影院裏，一名觀衆在演出期間站了起來，沿着他那排位子走到休息室去了。
A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:
幾分鐘後，他回到那排位子並問坐在首位的那位男士道：
"Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?"
“對不起，請問我剛纔出去的時候是踩着你的腳嗎?”
"Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all."
“是的，不過沒什麼關係，一點也不疼。”
"Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row."
“噢，不，我不是這個意思。我只是想確認一下這是不是我的那排位子。”
地道英語笑話：傳教士買鸚鵡A preacher is buying a parrot
A preacher is buying a parrot.
一個傳教士在買鸚鵡。
"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.
“你確信它不會尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問。
"Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.
“噢，絕對不會。它是一隻虔誠的鸚鵡。”店主向他保證。
"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
“你看見它腿上的那些細繩了嗎?當你拉動右邊這根，它會背誦天主經;當你拉動左邊那根，它會背誦讚美詩。”
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
“太棒了!”傳教士說，“但是如果我同時拉動兩根繩子，會發生什麼呢?”
"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.
“我會從樹幹上掉下去，你這個笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說道。
地道英語笑話：誰纔是有色人種
Dear white, something you got to know
親愛的白種人，有幾件事你必須知道。
When I was born, I was black.
當我出生時，我是黑色的
When I grow up, I am black.
我長大了，我是黑色的
When I’m under the sun, I’m black.
我在陽光下，我是黑色的
When I’m cold, I’m black.
我寒冷時，我是黑色的
When I’m afraid, I’m black.
我害怕時，我是黑色的
When I’m sick, I’m black.
我生病了，我是黑色的
When I die, I’m still black.
當我死了，我仍是黑色的。
you—white people,
你——白種人
When you were born, you were pink.
當你出生時，你是粉紅色的
When you grow up, you become white.
你長大了，變成白色的
You’re red under the sun.
你在陽光下，你是紅色的
You’re blue when you’re cold.
你寒冷時，你是青色的
You are yellow when you’re afraid.
你害怕時，你是黃色的
You’re green when you’re sick.
你生病時，你是綠色的
You’re gray when you die.
當你死時，你是灰色的
And you, call me color?
然後，你叫我“有色種人”?
地道英語笑話：錢不用找了
Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.
在教堂的義賣市上賣舊書時，我與一名準備買東西的顧客發生了一場爭論。他對購買袖珍奧金.納什集頗感興趣，但是說它要三十五美分開價過高。其它的平裝書每本才賣十或十五美分。
I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a $10 bill. "Keep the change," he said.
我指出這本書保存狀況頗好，納什是個有趣的詩人，這個要價是合理的。他說這是個原則問題。最終，我同意以十五美分的價格將這本書賣給他。他得意洋洋，拿出一張十美元的票子付帳。“零錢不用找了。”他說。
地道英語笑話：咒語
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
一個男人找到一個巫婆，要求她解開一條困擾了自己40年的咒語。
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
巫婆說："或許我可以做的到，但你必須一字不落地告訴我下咒的時候說的那句咒語。"
The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife."
男人毫不猶豫的答道：“‘我現在宣佈你們成爲夫婦。’”
地道英語笑話：幽默小火花
Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa.
鈔票不是萬能的，有時還需要信用卡。
Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
成功是一個相關名詞，他會給你帶來很多不相關的親戚。
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
不要等明天交不上差再找藉口，今天就要找好。
"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep.
“現在的夢想決定着你的將來”，所以還是再睡一會吧!
地道英語笑話：Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
兩隻鳥
老師：這兒有兩隻鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪隻是燕子，哪隻是麻雀嗎?
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
地道英語笑話：The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
魚網
“你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安?”老師發問道。
“把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。”小女孩回答道。
地道英語笑話：The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said
that two and four were six too....."
新老師
9月1日，喬治放學回到家裏。“喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎?” 媽媽問。
“媽媽，我不喜歡，因爲她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。”
