精選英語幽默故事

“哪裏有人,哪裏就有笑聲。”從古到今,笑話是人們生活中不可缺少的“調劑品”。笑話使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆，在人們的日常生活中起着重要調劑作用。下面本站小編爲大家帶來精選英語幽默故事，歡迎大家閱讀!

　精選英語幽默故事：換個工作

The doctor looked at his patient's tongue, felt his pulse, knocked on his chest, and began: "Same old story, my friend. Too much confinement. Do not deny it. What you need is plenty of outdoor exercise. Walk, Walk."

"But, doctor..."

"Don't argue with me. I am the doctor. Take my advice. Walk ten times as much as you do now. That's the only thing that will cure you."

"But my business..."

"That is just the trouble. Your business! Well, change your business, so that you can get a chance to walk more. What is your business?"

"I'm a letter-carrier."

醫生看了看病人的舌頭，號了號脈。 敲了敲他地胸部，說道：“還是老問題，朋友， 運動量太小，不要否認這個事實。 你需要大量的戶外運動。 走路。 走路。 ”

“不過，醫生……”

“不要同我爭辯，我是醫生。遵照我的囑咐，走10倍於你現在所走的路，這是治癒你的疾病地唯一方法。 ”

“然而我的工作是……”

“這正是問題所在。 你的工作!好吧，換一個工作。 這樣一來，你就有機會多走動了。 你是幹什麼的?”

“我是一名郵遞員。 ”

　精選英語幽默故事：一臺更好的洗碗機

Mrs Williams lived in a small street in London, and now she had a new neighbour.

Her name was Mrs Briggs, and she talked a lot about her expensive furniture, her beautiful carpets and her new kitchen.

"Do you know," she said to Mrs Williams one day, "I've got a new dishwasher. It washes the plates and glasses and knives and forks beautifully."

"Oh? " Mrs Williams answered." And does it dry them and put them in the cupboard, too ?"

Mrs Briggs was surprised. "Well," she answered, "the things in the machine are dry after an hour, but it doesn't put them away, of course."

"I've had a dishwasher for twelve and a half years," Mrs Williams said.

"Oh?" Mrs Briggs answered, "And does yours put the things in the cupboard when it has washed them?"

She laughed nastily. "Yes, he does," Mrs Williams answered."He dries the dishes and puts them away."

威廉姆斯太太住在倫敦的的一條小街上，現在她有了一位新鄰居。

這鄰居叫布里格斯太太，她對她的高檔傢俱，漂亮地毯和新廚房談論很多。

“你知道嗎?” 有一天她對威廉姆斯太太說道：“我有一臺新洗碗機。它洗盤子、杯子和刀叉洗得非常好。”

“哦?”威廉姆斯太太回答說，“它能弄乾盤子、杯子和刀叉嗎?還可以把它們放進碗櫃嗎?”

布里格斯太太很吃驚。“ 嗯，”她回答說，“洗碗機裏的盤子、杯子和刀叉一小時後就幹了，但當然囉，洗碗機不能把它們收起來。”

威廉姆斯太太說：“我有一臺洗碗機已經12年半了。”

“哦?”布里格斯太太回答說，“你的洗碗機在洗完盤子、杯子和刀叉後能把它們放進碗櫃嗎?”她不懷好意地大笑起來。

“是的，他可以。”威廉姆斯太太回答說，“他把碗盤刀叉弄乾後就把它們收起來。”

　精選英語幽默故事：我的上帝啊

A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector.

Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up："You've been on for five miles -- that'll be 50 pennies, please, and 10 pennies for your suitcase."

The Scotsman responds："I haven't, I want to have a penny fare, just got on this very moment." They begin to argue, and the ticket collector become more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs the Scotsman's suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "My God!Not only are you treat to overcharge me for the ticket—but now you're gone a drowned my boy Jenny."

一個蘇格蘭人提着一隻大箱子，坐上了一輛開往倫敦的汽車。上車後，在汽車行駛了5英里的這段路上，他一直在試圖躲開售票員。

售票員最終還是找到了他，並叫他補票:“你已經坐了5英里了，請付50便士，你的箱子還要付10便士。”

蘇格蘭人答道：“我是不會付那麼多錢的。我只付1便士，因爲我剛剛上車。”最後，他們爭吵起來。售票員越吵越生氣，終於在車子行駛到倫敦大橋上時，抓起蘇格蘭人的箱子，用力扔出了車外。

箱子掉進河裏，沉了下去。蘇格蘭人驚呆了，怔怔地站在那裏，片刻之後對售票員說：“我的上帝啊!你不僅向我多收票錢，現在還淹死了我的兒子強尼。”