控制狂老闆？不造反不消極的溝通法

Question: We used to have a great team here, until our boss was replaced by a manager brought in from another part of the company who is now trying to control our every move. He insists on telling everyone what to do and how to do it in minute detail (even though we've all been excelling at our jobs for years). No detail is too ridiculously tiny to escape his scrutiny, and he's constantly issuing new rules and guidelines, some of which contradict each other.
問題：我們過去的工作團隊非常融洽，但後來我們的老闆換成了一個從另一公司挖來的經理，他總是想控制我們的每一個行動。他老是堅持詳細地告訴每個人該做什麼、應當怎樣做（儘管我們多年來在自己的崗位做得都很好）。哪怕再小的細節也逃不脫他的仔細檢查，而且他還不斷頒發新的規則指南，有些規則自相矛盾。

As a result, some of us are just taking the passive-aggressive approach and ignoring him, which means he bears down harder on the whole group. I could give you examples that would curl your hair, but the point is, it's driving us nuts. Is there anything we can do to change his behavior, or do we just grin and bear it until the next boss comes along? -Gritting My Teeth
因此，有些同事就乾脆採取消極進攻的方法，故意惹惱他，這就意味着，他對整個團隊施加的壓力更大。我可以舉幾個讓你毛骨悚然的例子，但重點是，目前的情況快把我們給逼瘋了。我們可以採取什麼措施來改變他的行爲嗎？又或者我們只能咬咬牙，堅持到下一位老闆上任？——咬牙切齒（Gritting My Teeth）。

Answer: Ah, the control-freak boss. We've all had one, at one time or other. "Overly controlling managers are one of the main types who make employees rebel," says Albert J. Bernstein, Ph.D. (), a clinical psychologist for 35 years.
回答：呃，控制狂的老闆。我們可能都曾遇到過這樣的老闆。艾伯特-伯恩斯坦博士從事臨牀心理學已有35年，他說：“控制慾過強的領導是讓員工造反的主要管理人類型之一。”

A big chunk of Bernstein's consulting practice comes from senior managers, urged by teams like yours to get rid of a control freak, who just don't know whom to believe. So they call Bernstein in to sort out the situation. "Even the worst micromanagers usually don't realize they're overly controlling," he says. "They think they're just controlling enough."
向伯恩斯坦進行諮詢的客戶很大部分來自高管層，下屬員工要求他們撤換控制狂，這些高管完全不知該相信哪一方。所以他們把伯恩斯坦叫來幫忙想辦法。伯恩斯坦說：“即使是最差勁的微觀管理者通常也意識不到自己有點控制過度。他們還以爲自己控制的程度剛剛好。”

The cause of their delusion? "These are very frightened people. They are terrified of making a mistake, or of having someone else's mistake reflect badly on them," says Bernstein. "Consciously or not, how they view the world is, 'If I don't control every little thing, something terrible is going to happen.' "
造成這種錯覺的原因是什麼呢？伯恩斯坦說：“這是因爲他們都非常害怕。他們害怕犯錯誤，也害怕其他人的錯誤會爲自己帶來壞影響。所以，自覺或不自覺地，他們都這樣認爲：如果我不能控制到每一件小事，就肯定會出什麼亂子。”

Recognizing that fear is the key to taming it, Bernstein says. He recommends that you and your colleagues try these steps:
伯恩斯坦說，認知這種恐懼情緒是問題的關鍵。他建議你和你的同事們可以嘗試以下措施：

1. Don't let your annoyance show."Calling someone a control freak, or getting visibly irritated when he leans on you, will only make him think he needs to keep an even closer eye on you," Bernstein says.
1. 不要顯露出你的不快。伯恩斯坦說：“把某人叫做控制狂，或者他一靠近你就明顯地表現出惱火，只會讓他覺得他要對你更加小心提防。”

And don't even think about trying to discuss the problem: "Forget trying to talk a micromanager out of being one. Even seasoned therapists have trouble convincing the control-obsessed that their behavior might be causing more problems than it's solving."
而且決不要以爲通過交流，就能把問題解決：“永遠不要以爲可以通過談話交流，就能讓一位微觀管理者改變他的管理方式。即使是經驗豐富的心理治療專家，要想讓患有控制癖的人相信他們的行爲可能會適得其反，帶來更多的麻煩，也會遇到問題。”

2. Use reassurance, not the time before a project begins to get a clear and concrete outline of what your boss wants, when he wants it, and how he wants it done. "Take copious notes," Bernstein says. "There are two reasons for doing this. First, if you look as if you're taking his instructions seriously, he'll worry less about you making 'mistakes.' " And second, if you establish - in writing - a specific, measurable result to be delivered at a specific time, it will come in handy later on when your boss tries to control the process - which of course he will.
2. 讓他安心，而不是揭他短。在一個項目開始前，一定要花時間弄清楚你的老闆具體想要什麼、希望它什麼時候完成，以及希望它怎樣完成。伯恩斯坦說：“要詳細地做筆記。這樣做有兩個原因：首先，如果你看起來對待他的要求非常認真，他就不會那麼擔心你犯錯”；其次，如果你能用書面形式制定出一個明確可預測的成果，並能在某個具體時刻得以實現，那麼稍後如果你的老闆試圖控制整個進程時——當然他肯定會的，這些筆記就會派上用場。3. Give progress reports before he asks for them."Nothing allays a control freak's fears like excess information," says Bernstein. "Remind him that you are taking the project as seriously as he does."
3. 在他未要求前主動給出進度報告。伯恩斯坦說：“最能緩解控制狂的擔憂情緒的莫過於日常報告以外額外的信息。這可以提醒他，你和他一樣認真地對待這個項目。”

4. When your boss tries to control your work, ask if this means the end product has is where you whip out your notes from that initial meeting. "Treat attempts to control the process as requests to change the end product," says Bernstein. "If the ultimate goal isn't affected, why change the process?"
4. 當你老闆試圖控制你的工作時，問他是否意味着最終目標已經修改。這時你就可以突然拿出在項目啓動會議上做的記錄了。伯恩斯坦說：“你可以把控制項目進程的試圖當作是修改最終目標的要求。如果終極目標沒有受到影響的話，爲什麼要改變進程呢？”

"Needless to say, for this strategy to be effective, you need some history of delivering the goods," he adds. You and your teammates have such a history, right?
他還說：“毫無疑問，這個策略要想有效，你必須有成功完成過項目的經驗。”你和你的同事肯定有這樣的經驗，對吧？

5. Keep up the good work. According to Bernstein, if you follow these steps several times - once is not enough - and actually do what you say you're going to do when you say you will do it, your boss will become less worried about your performance and go off to fuss over somebody less responsible.
5. 再接再厲。伯恩斯坦認爲，如果你反覆運用這些措施——只用一次是不夠的，並能夠真正地說什麼就做到什麼，你的老闆就不會對你的表現那麼擔心了，並且會轉而開始煩其他不那麼負責的人了。

Meantime, try not to overreact to your wacky boss, Bernstein cautions. "People often respond so viscerally to an over-controlling boss because of their own inner teenager - you know, that voice inside that reacts to overbearing authority with, 'You're not the boss of me,' " he observes. "It's a sort of knee-jerk resistance to arbitrary or unreasonable control." That voice is louder in some folks than in others, he notes, but "I always counsel people not to let their inner teenager make career decisions for them." Noted.
與此同時，伯恩斯坦也警告說，不要對行爲乖癖的老闆反應過度。他說：“人們通常會比較感性地迴應控制慾過強的老闆，這是由於他們內心有一股叛逆精神——你知道的，就是面對專橫的權威人士時，內心會發出一種反叛聲音：你又不是我的老闆！這是人們對蠻橫無理管制的一種條件反射。”他還指出：“有些人內心的叛逆聲音要比其他人強烈，但我常常忠告人們，不能讓內心的叛逆精神左右自己的職業發展。”