考研英語看圖作文範例點評：網絡的“近”與“遠”

看圖作文在英語作文中是大家普遍缺乏練習的一種類型，一個提高的方式就是看範例和點評，針對其中的錯誤進行自我修正。

網絡的“近”與“遠”:

寫作原文

As is shown in the picture the humans (加who are)divided alone keep contact with each other by internet. Every one owns a computer, which is their mainly(mainly爲副詞，用來修飾動詞；mean爲名詞，需要用形容詞來修飾，可改爲main) mean(改爲way或means，mean爲“平均值，意思”；而means爲“手段，方法”) to contact out(改爲with the outside world). In addition, there are spider net between everyone(改爲it just like a spider net), which lead the people alone. The picture revealed(時態保持一致，改爲reveals) a current social phenomenon that people dependent(改爲depend，從句謂語部分應用動詞) extravagantly on the internet rather than the normal conversation. The spider net is a great metaphor of the soul-wall(改爲the gap between two hearts), which alienate(改爲alienates，保持主謂一致)us, meanwhile, it is a net relate(改爲relate to) us. What’s more(加逗號) worrisome(改爲the worrisome thing; worrisome爲形容詞，不能做主語) is that they not only contact with strangers with(改爲by，by表示“通過某種方式”) the net, but also families. It is a dangerous game! Maybe,it would make the families destruction(改爲destructive,注意make sb./sth. + adj.的正確使用). In my opinion, though the association in internet itself gives little cause for criticism(句子表意不清，建議改爲the internet itself should not give much criticism), people should use it in a proper way. Chatting with strangers or distant fellows by computer is OK, but it is not appropriate for us to use it in(改爲with) close friends. To have a good result,the society should encourage people to focus more on the real world and the people themselves should enrich their lives and thoughts.

總體點評

本篇文章存在一些簡單的語法錯誤，且說服力不夠強。作者在寫作完之後若可以花費幾分鐘時間來回讀文章，並查字典或語法書，把自己不確定的都弄清楚，那麼便會減少不必要的失分。不管什麼問題，只有自己查了，才能更好地掌握，希望你在以後的寫作中能夠多注重基礎知識，比如句子的構成。然後可以積累一些好的詞句，並將其運用到自己的練習之中，爲自己的文章增彩。

參考分數(滿分20分)：10

英語寫作水平的提升需要不斷地練習，在改正錯誤中不斷取得進步，不怕犯錯誤，怕明知道犯錯誤卻不面對。看了範文和點評，希望大家有思考，有提高。