翁帆的"駢體英文"情書
此處冷，彼處更冷。枯葉凋零，君屬何人。君面慘淡憂鬱，含淚而笑。君熱淚盈眶，喃喃自語，難言再見。妾心沉落，淚涌似濤。
小編注：icy cold用法不是很妥當，這裏可以改成ice cold。You belong to neither, leaves have withered一句，用逗號連接也不妥，可以改成兩個獨立的句子，或者加一個連接詞如and，不然在語法上是錯誤的。最後兩句同理，兩個主語不一致的句子不能用逗號連接。
Hot summer. Cheerful Cocktail. You took my hand. We fled into another world. You sat by my side, long hair tied behind, cool and killing. Smile floating on the lemonade, soft and smooth. How I was? amazed. Your face looked like the cover of the magazine. My head spin. You led my hand, danced along the crazy theme.
酷夏。仍憶雞尾酒會。君執妾手，共享二人世界。君坐妾之側，長髮束於腦後，英姿勃發。笑容盪漾。妾訝君面尤類雜誌封面。旋轉，君執妾手，瘋狂舞曲。
小編注：或許是原文在流傳過程中有誤，這裏的How I was應該是How was I；後面amazed應該首字母大寫；My head spin時態錯誤，應該是my head was spinning或者my head spun。
Light vied with wine, elegance mixed with fragrance, laughing covered by greetings, the crowed was busy at handshaking. You stood there, eyes on me. I trembled at the sparkles, brighter than the light. A masterpiece from God, I felt dizzy. We were not near, yet we were together.
燈酒相輝，芳雅相應，祝辭笑聲此起彼伏，芸芸皆勞碌於握手。君站立一旁，美目探妾。妾瑩燈下顫顫而立。此必上帝之傑作，使暈眩。雖妾與君相隔甚遠，然心相近。
小編注：這裏有一處單詞拼寫錯誤，crowed應該是crowd；另外we were not near一句，如果要表達“相隔甚遠”的意思，near用的不妥，應該用close。
Days ended. You said, you would wait for me at the Alps side. We would ski against snowflakes dancing in the sky. I gave no answer but a good-bye to accompany your flight. Gone was the plane, I suddenly tasted my pain. I knew I had been silly and stupid, you were in my heart, I shouldn’t have hidden in the dark. I tried to forget your disappointment. I made believe sometime someday, I would tell you, I feel all the same.
往日已去。君雲君將於阿爾卑斯山畔待妾，滑雪於雪花飛舞之天空下。妾欲說還休，但囑祝福。飛機漸逝，妾心將苦。妾深知妾之愚蠹，君已竊妾心，妾當不可漠然於暗中彷徨。妾嘗試忘君之失，然無可善終。妾信某日某時，妾將告君妾心永駐。
小編注：最後一句中make believe是“假裝”的意思，這裏似乎和文章原意不符，應該是believe。仍然存在標點問題，I knew I had been silly and stupid, you were in my heart, I shouldn’t have hidden in the dark.這三個句子都是獨立的，中間的逗號應全部改爲句號。 
My thought struggled at confessing, somehow hesitation ended in flinching. I continued my role of a fool, clinched to my maiden pride, yet secretly indulged in your promise of the white land -- snow measuring down to us, in your arms I am lifted up. The chiming of Christmas bell!
妾於懺悔中掙扎，不時退縮，猶豫。妾愚於處子之婚，然潛縱於君之諾。白雪皚皚，君挽妾身，妾意甚歡，共聽聖誕鐘聲。
小編注：第一句，thought應該不能用來做struggle的主語，而且一般情況下這裏的thought應該用複數形式；此外，struggle其實沒有中文裏表示猶豫不定的“掙扎”含義，這裏應該表述成I hesitated at confessing。倒數第二句中snow measuring down to us，measure down這個詞組是不存在的，用於此處也很不自然。maiden pride的翻譯“處子之婚”值得商榷，這裏英文原意是身爲少女的矜持。
The bell died in the patter of rain, from hell came the laughing of Satan at my brain. Tearful smile, swallowed by the darkness. How could I trace your hair to wipe your tears? My hands reached out, catching nothing but a raindrop, on a leaf that had withered.
鐘聲忽止於急雨，乃聽撒旦之笑聲。含淚微笑，黑暗相伴。妾欲尋君之發擦君之淚而不可。妾伸手欲觸，無他，但枯葉一雨滴耳。
小編注：How could I trace your hair to wipe your tears?這句的翻譯有些不妥，這裏不是說用頭髮擦眼淚，而是指手穿過頭髮，擦去眼淚。Tearful smile, swallowed by the darkness.語法亦有待商討，添加一個助動詞was比較好。
Snowflakes have melted into water, we are no more together.
雪花漸融，妾與君仍天各一方。
小編注：兩句中的逗號還是要改成句號。
綜述：網友們的翻譯精緻典雅，而且已經比原文更加強大，值得大家細心揣摩。倒是英文原文並非如大家吹捧的那樣高雅精深，其實稱不上是“駢體英文”，多出地方帶有明顯的中式英語痕跡，還有些地方存在疑問，如果英文不是出自翁帆之手，這更像是從中文版本翻譯回的英文，這點還需要大家自己判斷，不要一味盲從，或者受到中文翻譯的影響，無形中擡高了英文的水準。這裏的中文翻譯在文采上無疑是超過英文許多的，在翻譯實踐中，這樣偶爲遊戲可以，但是不要一味學習這種花哨的譯法而不考慮原文實際。譯文如果高出原文的話，也是不符合翻譯要求的。
