第509期:英語美文 移情聆聽

英語美文-移情聆聽

Empathic Listening

今天繼續和大家分享《高效能人士的七個習慣》中的經典篇章。今天要學習的文字講述的是高效能人士的第五個習慣-知彼解己。這個篇章中，摘選了我們生活中最常見的一個對話場景-一對母子的對話。這段對話真實還原了我們與人交流的時最常見的一種溝通思維和誤區，不少人在沒有認真聆聽後，草率甚至的粗魯的給出自己認爲對的解決方案。甚至以各種理由強形要求訴說者接受自己的想法。而這篇文章列舉出了我們聆聽別人的層次以及應該如何真正的聆聽他人，從而做到真正瞭解他人的方法。

New Words:
incredulously adv. 不相信地，懷疑地
sacrifice n. 犧牲；祭品
diagnose vt. 診斷；斷定
interpersonal adj. 人際的；人與人之間的
empathic adj. 移情作用的；神入的

"Come on, honey, tell me how you feel. I know it's hard, but I'll try to understand."
“寶貝，和我說你是怎麼想的，我知道這不容易，但是我會盡量理解你。”
"Oh, I don't know, Mom. You'd think it was stupid."
“可是， 媽媽，我不知道該怎麼說。你一定會覺得我很傻。”
"Of course I wouldn't! You can tell me. Honey, no one cares for you as much as I do. I'm only interested in your welfare. What's making you so unhappy?"
“不會的。告訴我吧，寶貝兒。這個世界還有誰會比媽媽更關心你呢? 媽媽就是想讓你開心，可你爲什麼不高興呢?”
"Oh, I don't know."
“我不知道該怎麼說。”
"Come on, honey. What is it?"
“快點和我說，寶貝，是什麼事情？”
"Well, to tell you the truth, I just don't like school anymore."
“那好，說實話，我不想上學了。”

"What?" you respond incredulously. "What do you mean you don't like school? And after all the sacrifices we've made for your education! Education is the foundation of your future. If you'd apply yourself like your older sister does, you'd do better and then you'd like school. Time and time again, we've told you to settle down. You've got the ability, but you just don't apply yourself. Try harder. Get a positive attitude about it."
“什麼?”你簡直不敢相信自己的耳朵，“你說什麼?你不想上學了?爲了讓你上學，我們做了那麼大的犧牲!接受教育是爲你的將來打基礎。如果你像你姐姐那樣用功的話，成績一定會好起來，那樣你就喜歡上學了。我們跟你說過多少次了，一定要安心學習。你有這個能力，可就是不願意用功。要努力，要積極向上才行啊!”

Pause
沉默

"Now go ahead. Tell me how you feel."
“說吧，跟我說說你到底是怎麼想的。”

We have such a tendency to rush in, to fix things up with good advice. But we often fail to take the time to diagnose, to really, deeply understand the problem first. If I were to summarize in one sentence the single most important principle I have learned in the field of interpersonal relations, it would be this: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. This principle is the key to effective interpersonal Communication.
我們總是喜歡這樣匆匆忙忙地下結論，以善意的建議快刀斬亂麻地解決問題。不願意花時間去診斷，深入瞭解一下問題的癥結。如果要讓我用一句話總結人際關係中最重要的一個原則，那就是:知彼解己。這是進行有效人際溝通的關鍵。

When another person speaks, we're usually "listening" at one of four levels. We may be ignoring another person, not really listening at all. We may practice pretending. “Yeah. Uh-huh. Right. "
We may practice selective listening, hearing only certain parts of the constant chatter of a preschool child. Or we may even practice attentive listening, paying attention and focusing energy on the words that are being said. But very few of us ever practice the fifth level, the highest form of listening, empathic listening.

事實上，大部分人都是這麼自以爲是。我們的聆聽通常有四個層次。一是充耳不聞，壓根就不聽別人說話;二是裝模作樣，“是的!嗯!沒錯!”;三是選擇性接收，只聽一部分 ，通常學齡前兒童的喋喋不休會讓我們採取這種方式;四是聚精會神，努力聽到每一個字。但是，很少有人會達到第五個層次，即最高層次-移情聆聽。

Empathic listening involves much more than registering, reflecting, or even understanding the words that are said. Communications experts estimate, in fact, that only 10 percent of our communication is represented by the words we say. Another 30 percent is represented by our sounds, and 60 percent by our body language. In empathic listening, you listen with your ears, but you also, and more importantly, listen with your eyes and with your heart. You listen for feeling, for meaning. You listen for behavior. You use your right brain as well as your left. You sense, you intuit, you feel.

移情聆聽不只是理解個別的詞句而已。據專家估計，人際溝通僅有10%過語言來進行，30%取決於語調與聲音，其餘60%則得靠肢體語言。所以在移情聆聽的過程中，不僅要耳到，還要眼到、心到; 用眼睛去觀察，用心靈去體會。

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