約了幾次會之後,這些男人如鬼魅般消失了
It's no secret that the dating scene today is a battlefield. Being single as a millennial means dodging metaphorical bullets in the form of unwanted intimate pictures, commitment issues (both yours and theirs) and dates who look nothing like their (mirror selfie) photos.
大家都知道，當今時代的約會就和打仗一樣。身爲千禧一代卻單身，這意味着你需要躲避別人的含沙射影，比如不願意拍親密照、不輕易承諾（你和對方都是）、以及照片（對着鏡子自拍）和本人大相徑庭的約會對象。But perhaps the most brutal new dating "trend" with which we have to contend is ghosting. For the lucky uninitiated, this is when someone simply stops replying to the messages of their love interest and can happen at any stage of the "relationship".
但或許，我們不得不面對這一最新潮約會趨勢--約會對象如鬼魅般消失。有些人很幸運，沒有這方面的經驗，這實際上是指對方不再給感興趣的約會對象回覆信息，而且會發生在戀情的任一階段。You could still be chatting on a dating app when your new match suddenly goes quiet, or in the worst cases, you might have been "seeing" each other for months when they suddenly disappear, never to be seen or heard from again.
當新談的約會對象突然間默不作聲，或者最糟糕的情況--你們已經談了很久，但他卻突然消失，再也聽不到他的消息時，你還是可以在約會軟件上找人聊天。
I have been ghosted more times than I can count, but that doesn't make it OK, especially if you've met up in person. It can leave you feeling less than great too.
很多約會對象都玩過這一套，多得我都數不清了，但我覺得這種做法並不妥，尤其是當你已經和對方見過面時。這會讓你很失落。With all this in mind, I decided to track down the various guys who'd ghosted me over the years and ask them why they'd done it.
考慮到這些情況，我決定'跟蹤'這些男生，他們有一個共同點：突然間不理我了。找到他們之後，我要問他們這麼做的原因。My first target was a guy called Adam*. We'd matched on a dating app and moved to Whatsapp where the banter was flowing. But then, out of nowhere, Adam ghosted me. I'd asked him a question, but got no reply.
我的第一個目標是Adam。一個約會軟件將我們匹配在一起，然後我們加了好友（Whatsapp），開始互撩。但後來，Adam卻突然消失了。我問了他一個問題，但他沒有回覆我。So, three months later, I got back in touch. I decided to try the approach of not revealing my motives and went with a simple: "Hi Adam, I realise it's totally out of the blue to hear from me but how are you?"
所以，3個月後，我又聯繫了他。我決定不暴露自己的動機，只是說："Adam你好，我知道突然找你很冒昧，但你最近過得怎麼樣？"Adam replied. He was well, and politely asked how I was too.
Adam回覆了，他說很好，還禮貌性的問我最近過得怎麼樣。I decided then to be honest and say I was doing some research into ghosting and was asking people why they do it - so why did he?
我決定對他誠實，所以說我在做一些關於突然消失（ghosting）方面的研究，正在問那些人爲何要這麼做，你又爲什麼要這麼做？"I do think it's strange for people to have met and then one of them ghost the other, but if you have no mutual friends and one person doesn't see it going anywhere, the communication suddenly becomes a chore," Adam told me. Fair play.
"我覺得見了面之後再突然玩消失的確很怪異，但如果你們沒有共同好友，另一個人覺得你們的發展情況不樂觀，那他/她就會突然間意識到--這種交流是有壓力的，"Adam對我說。說得好像有點道理！
