他她話題:男人不願承諾背後的原因
Some Reasons Men Won't Commit
男人不願承諾背後的原因
Ladies, I am sure many of you have had that man in your life who just could not commit to you. No matter what you said or did, he just seems to drag his feet. Yes, sometimes it really is hard for men to commit to a relationship and I am sure that leaves many women wondering why.
女生們，我確信你們中的大多數人生命中都有那麼個不願承諾的男人。不論你說什麼、做什麼，他總是推三阻四不願承諾。是的，有時候要讓男人對一段關係作出承諾就是這麼艱難。相信許多人都不明白此中緣由。
Was it you? Was it him? Did you smother him? Were you bossy? Did you nag too much?
是你的原因嗎？還是他的原因？你們的關係讓他感到窒息嗎？還是你太專橫了？或是你太嘮叨了？
What was the reason behind his inability to commit? Men claim that women are the ones who are complicated and unpredictable but in reality, men can be just as complicated and unpredictable as women. The truth is that there could be a number of reasons why men can't or won't commit to a long term relationship. Sometimes it's the woman and sometimes it's the man.
他無力做出承諾背後的原因究竟是什麼？男人們總說“女人心，海底針”，還難以捉摸，但在現實中，男人的城府和難以捉摸的程度遠不輸女人。事實上有很多原因可以解釋爲什麼男人不能、也不會向一段長期的關係作出承諾。這既可能歸咎於女人，也可能歸咎於男人。
Why?
爲什麼？
I am confident in saying that every woman has asked themselves this question at some point in their life. Why won't he commit? Why can't I find the man for me? Why is finding love so hard? These are very common questions and many women feel that there are no answers or they are not satisfied with the answers they have heard. I have heard many women claim that men are just "mean" or "jerks" and that is why they will not commit. In reality, there are many reasons why men do not commit that women cannot see or realize.
我敢肯定地說每個女人都在人生的某段時間問過自己這個問題。爲什麼他不肯承諾？爲什麼我不能找到我的那個他？爲什麼愛情讓人如此辛苦？這些是非常常見的問題，許多女人認爲這些問題是無解的，也或是她們不願相信他們所聽到的答案。我聽到許多女人都用男人"卑鄙"或"混蛋"來解釋爲什麼他們不願承諾。在現實生活中，有許許多多女人們不曾留意的原因導致了男人的不承諾。
Men are scared.
男人們被嚇住了。
I have known many women who feel that men have no fear in relationships by putting themselves out there. It is very common for women to assume that men are not intimidated by women or scared about getting their heart broken. These assumptions are false.
許多女人總因爲男人們在一段關係當中更加主動就認爲他們無所畏懼。許多女人都默認男人們不會被女人威懾住或是害怕被傷害。這些默認都是錯的。
Men do have feelings and many men are afraid of getting hurt, even though they may act fearless. Every heart is fragile; both men and women's. If a man feels that he has a chance of being significantly hurt in the relationship, it can drive him to leave because of the fear he feels. It can cause him to hold back from commitment. Men tend to avoid talking about their feelings and this is the reason behind the assumptions that they have no feelings. Men do get scared and thus should be treated with love and affection.
男人也有情感，有的男人也怕受到傷害，儘管他們總是一副無所畏懼的表情。每顆心都是脆弱的，這對男女都適用。如果一個男人在一段關係中感到他可能被深深地傷害，他可能會因他覺察到的害怕而離開。這也會導致他不承諾。男人們總是對談論他們的感覺退避三舍，這導致了他們被默認爲麻木沒有情意：男人們不會害怕，所以也不應該以愛和情感來回應。
Clingy.
太粘人。
Women can sometimes get a bad reputation for being needy and/or clingy. This is a very common reason why men will not commit to you. From my personal experience, being needy in a relationship only brings pain and heartache. I have been very clingy and needy in my past relationships which drove a wedge in between my partner and I. I felt the need to be with him at all times and wanted him to feel the same way. He didn't. In healthy relationships, you cannot expect to be attached by the hip at all times. By you acting on the feeling of needing to be with your man at all times, it may slowly drive him away.
女人們可能會因要求多或是粘人而帶來壞名聲。這是男人不承諾的一個很常見的原因。從我個人經驗看來。在一段關係中提過多要求只會帶來痛苦和無盡的頭疼。我曾在過去的關係中非常粘人，要求也很多，最後導致了我們的關係出現裂痕。當時我總想寸步不離地和他在一起並且希望他也願意這樣。但他沒有。在一段健康的關係中，你不能指望你們總是形影不離。你這種需要他時時在身邊的行爲只會漸漸讓他退避三舍。
Most men desire and need time with their friends without you. Guys want to have a social life and a once-in-a-while a boy's night. If he feels that you will be upset if he goes out with his friends, he will feel bad all night long. He will not be able to enjoy himself and this can make him rethink his relationship status. Let your man have time with his beloved friends!
許多男人需要和他們的朋友共處的時間。男人們想要他們的社交生活和隔三差五一次的男孩之夜。如果他知道他與朋友獨自外出會讓你感到失落，他整晚都不會有好心情。他不會有機會好好享受，這會導致他重新思考你們的關係。給你的男友一些時間，讓他與他親愛的朋友們在一起吧。
Be mysterious.
It is important for a relationship to have some mystery to keep the element of surprise present. If you are too predictable, your man can get bored easily. If he knows every word you are going to say before you say it or know every action you are going to take before you take it, you could be too predictable. Remember that men love to be surprised by you and being mysterious can keep him to stay intrigued.
保持神祕感。
保持一定的神祕感、時不時帶來一些驚喜對於一段關係來說很重要。如果你總是一成不變，你男友可能容易感到無聊。如果他能預見每一句她將要說的話和每一個你要做的行動，那麼你可能真的太墨守陳規了。記住男人們總是喜歡你帶來驚喜，所以有一點神祕感會讓他被你死死迷住。
Be a woman.
In society today, men and women are mainly considered equal. Women can do anything men can do, right? Wrong. Women need to be women. If you are too competitive or too masculine, men can lose interest fast. Men typically want a woman who is loving, caring, and feminine. The last thing a man wants in a relationship is to feel like he is dating another man. You must remember your feminine roots and channel your feminine energies to help and guide you to be a woman.
有點女人味。
而今的社會，男女之間首要考慮的是平等。男人們能做的一切女人們也能做到，是嗎？錯！女人就是女人。如果你太好勝、太男性化，男人們很快就失去興趣了。男人們尤其想要鍾情、有愛心和有女人味的女人。一段關係中男人最討厭的就是讓他感覺他在和另一個男人約會。你必須記住你骨子裏是個女人，並且調動你所有女人的能量來幫助和引導你做一個真正的女人。
It is important to take good care of yourself, as well. Men want a woman who cares about herself and can show it. This can be opposite of clinginess and neediness. If you show your man that you are capable of taking care of yourself, it can show him that you are ready for a long term commitment and not only looking for love as something fun for the moment.
當然，照顧好你自己也同樣重要。男人們喜歡能夠照顧自己並且把這個優點表現出來的女人。這應該就是粘人和需求過高的對立面。如果你在男人面前表現出你能很好地照顧自己，這也傳達出爲一個長期的承諾做好了準備，不會只把愛情當做一時找的樂子。
If you feel that your man is not committing or does not seem interested in making a long term commitment, communicate with him about it. If you have questions, ask him. It is important to make sure you are both on the same page before diving in to any kind of relationship. Let him know that you are looking for a long term partner and are interested in committing to him. Give him a chance to communicate with you about his goals as well. The worst that can happen is he does not tell you what you want to hear and that simply means he is not the one for you. Communication can go a long way with your partner and I would highly recommend it.
溝通。
如果你感到你的男人不會做出承諾，似乎對於做出長期承諾也沒什麼興趣， 也許該找他聊聊。如果你有疑問，直接問他。在投入到一段關係之前確定你們倆在同一個進度上是很重要的。讓他知道你在找一個能夠長期相守的伴侶並且也有興趣做出承諾。給他和你溝通的機會，談談他的目標。最壞的情況就是你聽不到你想聽的內容，那很可能表他不是那個對的人。溝通總是讓你和伴侶走的更遠，我強烈推薦。
Some men are simply late bloomers. They want to commit, but they are not ready quite as quickly as women. They really take the whole shebang into consideration before thinking about tying the knot or making a long-term commitment. Try not to rush your man. Enjoy each day as it comes and let things progress nicely. If you get so caught up in committal issues, you might not be able to enjoy the relationship right now and that won’t do anyone any good.
有人就是簡簡單單地反應慢半拍。他們想要承諾，但不能像女人一樣那麼快做好準備。他們會先考慮事業，再考慮做出一個長期的承諾。儘量不要催促你的伴侶。自然而然地享受每一天，讓事情順其自然地發展。如果你因承諾這件事而如此困擾，你可能不能好好享受當下的幸福，那對任何人都不會有好處。
