他她話題:單身男女最恨的九大問題
The good thing about being single is that people are usually pretty willing to talk about your romantic life, because, let's face it, it's probably more entertaining than that of your seriously coupled-up friends.
單身的好處之一是人們往往很願意談論你浪漫的感情生活，面對現實吧，你的生活顯然比那些已經成雙成對的朋友來得豐富多彩些。
The bad news? Sometimes, people will want to talk about your love life regardless of whether or not you're in the mood to talk about it. And they will have opinions. And questions. And if you're single for long enough, a lot of these are gonna start sounding the same...
缺點呢？有時候，即便是你不想談的時候，人們還是會抓着你的感情生活喋喋不休。而且他們總是有說不完的意見和問題。如果你單身的時間長了，就會一直聽到下面這些換湯不換藥的話：
1. "Are you seeing someone? Why not?"
“你有對象了嗎？爲什麼沒有呢？”
Amazingly, I get this question at least once a week. At least once a week! It's fun to turn the question around to the asker. "Why are you in a relationship?" "Because I'm in love!" "Right, well, I'm not." End of discussion!
你可能不相信，但我每週最少都能被問到一次這問題。一週一次還是最少的！想要找點樂子的話，我就會反問提問的人：“那你爲什麼有對象了呢？” “因爲我找到愛情了啊。” “太對了，我就是沒找到啊。” 討論結束！
2. "Have you tried online dating?"
“你試過網戀嗎？”
Online dating? What is this new fangledthing you speak of? (Of course we're online dating!)
網戀？你是在說什麼新發明新創造嗎？（這不是廢話嘛！我當然正在網上找啦。）
3. "It'll happen when you least expect it."
“你不想找的時候，真命天子/女就會出現了。”
The problem is, if you're single and actively looking, then you're always kind of expecting it.
但問題是，如果你正單身而且有意結束單身，你很難不期待這種事。
4. "Oh my god, can I wing for you? I am such a good wingman."
“我的天哪，我幫你怎麼樣？我最擅長幫人牽線了。”
If you're single for long enough, you become sort of a toy, a pet project for your coupled up friends. They like to parade you out to bars and insist on wingingfor you, which is really just a way for them to vicariouslyexperience the "thrill" of picking someone up at a bar. The problem is that for them, it's all about the hunt, and not at all about finding someone with whom you would actually be compatiblein the long term (or even just in daylight). The end result is usually a huffyride home ("But I set it up perfectly for you! He was so into you! He was not that bad!") followed by the inevitable conclusion that you are single because you're picky and obviously imperviousto even the most nuancedand skillful winging.
如果你單身久了，你就成了身邊已經有伴的朋友們眼中的玩具或者寵物什麼的。他們總是想帶你去酒吧，然後堅持要幫你找人搭訕。但事實上，這只是爲了他們自己獲得在酒吧幫人找伴的“快感”。對他們而言，最主要的找到一個合適的獵物，而不是找到一個你真的有可能長期交往下去（甚至只是在白天也能看）的人選。結果往往是互相抱怨着開車回家。（他們會說：“我不是給你找了個最好的嘛。他對你又這麼有意思。他不錯啦。”）然後就會歸結到你單身就是因爲你太挑剔，即便是他們這種最體貼最有本事的紅娘也不能幫你找到心儀的人。
5. "You need to put yourself out there more!"
“你需要多出去接觸接觸。”
Out where, exactly? Whenever some helpful soul suggests this to me, I immediately picture myself in the middle of some crowded piazza, waving my arms around, saying "yooo-hoooo!"
出去？去哪兒？每次有好心人對我做這種建議的時候，我腦海裏就會浮現這樣的畫面：自己身處一個人山人海廣場中，揮動着雙臂，聲嘶力竭地喊着：“我在這兒呢！”
6. "Why don't you join a group?"
“你爲什麼不加入什麼團體呢？”
It's a common misconceptionfor people to think you're single because you just don't have enough hobbies.
人們常常誤解，以爲你單身的原因就是你的興趣太不廣泛了。
7. "You just need to ______."
“你只要……就行了。”
Flirt. Make eye-contact. Go out. Wear brighter colors. Tone it down. Talk more. Talk less. Dress sluttier. Act more Grown up. Meet more people. Shave your beard. Stop talking about comic books. Stop talking about your cat. Be less self-deprecating. Be less intimidating. Let them see how awesome you are. Drink more. Don't get so drunk. Make the move. Don't shy away. Don't be so forward. Don't seem so desperate. Stand up straighter. Cut your hair. Grow out your hair. Be less picky. Be more discerning. Figure out exactly what you want. Make your profile funnier. Make your profile less goofy. Change your profile picture. Smile more. Go to bookstores. Go to coffee shops. Stop bringing up your ex. Stop talking to your ex. Stop thinking about your ex. Stop looking so hard. Stop trying so hard. Put a little more effort into it. Stop being so passive. Stop waiting for it to just happen. Be more confident. Go to grad school. Lower your expectations. Just have fun and date more. Get the rest of your life in order. Move to a smaller city. Move to a bigger city. Move to a different country. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Start making this a priority.
調情、眉目傳情、多出去、穿些亮色的衣服、低調些、多說話、少說話、穿的暴露點、成熟穩重點、多交點朋友、把鬍子剃了、別老談漫畫書了、別談你的貓、別那麼妄自菲薄、別那麼居高臨下、給他們機會了解你、多喝點酒、別喝醉、主動點、別害羞、別太主動了、別這麼飢渴、站直了、剪個新發型、把臉露出來、別那麼挑剔、知道自己要找什麼樣的、把你的資料改得有意思點、別那麼神經兮兮的、換個頭像、多笑笑、去書店轉轉、去咖啡館看看、別老說前任、別跟前任聯繫了、別想着前任了、別那麼高不可攀的樣子、積極點、別那麼主動、努力點、多點自信、讀個研究生吧、降低點要求、輕鬆點多去約約會、把別的事情都安排好、搬去小點的城市、搬去大點的城市、出國吧、別把自己逼得太緊、把這件事當作頭等大事來做。
For some reason, people will be alarmingly frank about what they think is wrong with you as long as they say it within the context of dating.
不知道什麼原因，只要以找對象爲主題，人們總是可以直言不諱地列舉出他們覺得你有問題的地方。
8. "It's better to be single than to be in the wrong relationship."
“單身總比苦戀強。”
Well, it's best to be in the right relationship, no?
好吧，話是這麼說，可是最好的事情還是甜蜜地戀愛着吧。
9. "Wow, I am so glad I never have to be single again."
“哇，能不再單身實在讓我太開心了。”
Yes. Fabulous. I am so happy for your good fortune.
是啊，太美好了。我也爲你的幸福開心。
