時尚雙語:當開始生活時我希望已經知道的20件事情

“Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” - Jean-Paul Sartre

I’m nearly 35 years old, and I’ve made my share of mistakes in my life. I’m not a big believer in regrets … and I have learned tremendously from every single mistake … and my life is pretty great.

However, there are a few things I wish I had known when I was graduating from high school and starting out as an adult in life.

Would I change things? I’m not so sure. I might never have gotten into a mountain of debt, but then I wouldn’t have learned the amazing satisfaction of getting out of it. I might have made better career choices, but then I wouldn’t have all the work experience that makes me the blogger and writer that I am today.

I might not have gotten married that first time, so that I would never have gotten divorced … but then I wouldn’t have my first two beautiful wonderful incredible children from that first marriage.

I don’t think I would change any of that. However, looking back, there are some lessons I’ve learned that I would probably tell my 18-year-old self. Do I share them now to share my regrets? No, I share them in hopes that younger men and women, just starting out in life, can benefit from my mistakes and my lessons.

What follows isn’t an exhaustive list, but it’s one that I hope proves useful to at least a few people.

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.” - Jack Handey

How to control impulse spending. If there’s anything that got me in trouble financially, it’s impulse spending. Buying clothes when I don’t need them. Buying gadgets because I gotta have them. Ordering stuff online because it’s so easy. Buying that new shiny SUV because … well, because it was going to help me with women. I’m not proud of any of that. I’ve learned to control my impulses, at least a little better. Now, I give myself some time to breathe. I think over my purchases, see if I’ve got the money, think about whether it’s a need or a want. That would have been a useful tool 15 years ago.

You gotta stay active. I was in track, cross country and basketball in high school, but once I started college, the running and basketball began to slowly fade away. Not right away — I played pick-up basketball for years after high school. But even that went away, until I became sedentary. Playing with my kids outdoors winded me. And I began to get fat. I’ve reversed that trend, and am very active now, but I’m still trying to burn the fat I gained in those inactive years.

How to plan finances. I always knew that I was supposed to budget and track my spending, when I became an adult. I just was too lazy to do it. And I didn’t have a good idea of how to actually do it. Now, I’ve learned how to plan, and how to stick to that plan. Sure, I deviate from my plan, but I’ve learned how to handle that too. Maybe that’s not a skill you can learn from book reading. You just gotta practice. Well, I hope to teach it to my children before they go out on their own.

Junk food will come back to bite you in the butt. Yeah, it wasn’t just the sedentary lifestyle that got me fat. It was all the damn junk food too. I would eat pizza and burgers and Twinkies and sugar cereal and desserts and donuts and … well, you get the picture. As someone used to being able to eat whatever I wanted, it never seemed like it would be a problem. Bad health was something to worry about when you got old. Well, my jeans began to get way too tight, and to my horror, I climbed several pants sizes and developed a gut that only now is going away. I wish someone had shown me an “after” picture when I was young and downing the Big Gulp sodas.

Smoking is just dumb. I didn’t start smoking until I was well into my adult years. I won’t go into why I started, but it didn’t seem like a problem, because I knew I could quit anytime I wanted. Or I thought I could, at least, until several years later I gave it a go and couldn’t do it. Five failed quits later and I realized with horror that my addiction was stronger than I was. Sure, I eventually beat the habit (quit date: Nov. 18, 2005) but it took a piece of my soul to do it.

Fund your retirement, son. And don’t withdraw it. This piece of wisdom, and probably all the ones above, might seem blisteringly obvious. And they are. Don’t think I didn’t know this when I was 18. I did. I just didn’t pay it serious attention. Retirement was something I could worry about when I was in my 30s. Well, I’m in my 30s now and I wish I could slap that little 18-year-old Leo around a bit. What money I could have invested by now! I had a retirement plan, but on the 3 occasions when I changed jobs, I withdrew that and spent it frivolously.
All the stuff you’re doing that seems hard — it will be of use. This is the first one that might not be as obvious. There were times in my life when work was hard, and I did it anyway, but hated it. I did it because I had to, but boy did it stress me out and leave me exhausted. Hard work isn’t as easy as I wanted it to be. But you know what? Every bit of hard work I did without knowing why I was doing it … it’s paid off for me in the long run. Maybe not right away, but I’m using skills and habits I learned during those times of high stress and long hours and tedious work — I use them all the time, and they’ve made me into the person I am today. Thank you, younger Leo!

Don’t buy that used van without checking it out closely. I thought I was being smart by buying used, but I didn’t check it out carefully enough. That dang van had loads of engine problems, a door that nearly fell off when I was driving, a door handle that snapped off, a side mirror that fell off, no spare tire despite three tires that were ready to blow (and did), windows that didn’t roll up, rattling noises, an eventual blown radiator … I could go on and on, but let’s just say that it wasn’t my best purchase. I still think buying used is smart, but check things out closely first.

That guy you’re going to sell your car to? On a gentleman’s agreement? He’s not gonna pay you. I sold another car to a friend of a friend, who I was sure would pay me even if I had nothing in writing. That was smart. I still see the guy once in awhile on the road, but I don’t have the energy to do a U-turn and chase after him.

Make time to pursue your passion, no matter how busy you are. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and get a book published. I just never had time to write. With a family and school and a full-time job, there just weren’t enough hours in the day. Well, I’ve learned that you have to make those hours. Set aside a block of time to do what you love, cut out other stuff from your life that take up your time, and don’t let anything interfere with that work. If I had done that 15 years ago, I could have 15 books written by now. Not all would be great, but still.

All that stuff that’s stressing you out — it won’t matter in 5 years, let alone 15. When things are happening to you right now, they mean all the world. I had deadlines and projects and people breathing down my neck, and my stress levels went through the roof. I don’t regret the hard work (see above) but I think I would have been less stressed if I could have just realized that it wouldn’t matter a single bit just a few years down the road. Perspective is a good thing to learn.

The people you make friends with are so much more important than your job or the things you buy. I’ve had a few jobs, I’ve bought a lot of things, and I’ve made a few friends over these last 15 years. Of those, the only thing that still matter to me are the friends. And I wish I could have spent more time with friends (and family) than on the other things.

All that time you spend watching TV is a huge, huge waste of time. I don’t know how much TV I’ve watched over the years, but it’s a crapload. Hours and days and weeks I’ll never have back. Who cares what happens on reality TV, when reality is slipping by outside? Time is something you’ll never get back — don’t waste it on TV.

Your kids are going to grow up way faster than you think. Don’t waste a minute. I just had an Oh My God moment recently. My oldest daughter, Chloe, is 14 going on 15 next month. I have 3 years left with her before she leaves my house and becomes an adult. Three years! I am floored by that single fact, because it really doesn’t seem anywhere near enough time. I want to go back to my younger self and whack that younger Leo on the head and say Stop working so hard! Stop watching TV! Spend more time with your kids! These last 15 years with Chloe (and my other wonderful kids) have gone by much, much too fast.

Forget the drama. Focus on being happy. There have been many things that have happened to me, professionally and personally, that seem like the end of the world. And while these things were bad, they get blown up in our heads so that they become major drama. They caused me to be depressed from time to time. What a waste of time. If I realized that it was all in my head, and that I could be happy instead if I focused on the positive, on what I did have, and what I could be doing … I could have skipped all the moping about.

Pay more attention to blogs when you first hear about them. They’re more than just journals. I first read about blogs 7-8 years ago, but when I took a look at them they didn’t seem like anything of interest. Just some people’s journals about stuff they read on the web. Why would I want to read those? I have my own thoughts about the web, but I don’t need to share them with the world. I spent a lot of time on the Internet, on various sites and forums, but every time I happened upon a blog I would brush past it without interest. It wasn’t until a couple years ago that I discovered what wonderful things they could be (I mentioned some of my early favorites in my list of influences). If I had gotten into blogging years ago … well, I wouldn’t have been wasting all that time.
Speaking of which, keep a journal. Seriously. Your memory is extremely faulty. I forget things really easily. Not short-term stuff, but long-term. I don’t remember things about my kids’ early years, because I didn’t record any of it. I don’t remember things about my life. It’s like a lot of foggy memories that I’ll never have access to. I wish I had kept a journal.

Tequila is seriously evil. I won’t go into details, but it should suffice to say that I had some bad experiences, and I’m not sure I learned very much from them or benefited in any way except to learn that tequila is the drink of the Devil.

Yes, you can do a marathon. Don’t put this goal off — it’s extremely rewarding. Running a marathon had always been a dream of mine, since high school … something I wanted to do but thought was out of reach. Or if I ever did it, it would be years and years later. Well, I learned that it’s not only achievable, it’s incredibly rewarding. I wish I had started training when I was young and light and fit … I could have had some good finishing times!

All these mistakes you’re going to make, despite this advice? They’re worth it. My 18-year-old self would probably have read this post and said, “Good advice!” And then he would have proceeded to make the same mistakes, despite good intentions. I was a good kid, but I wasn’t good at following advice. I had to make my own mistakes, and live my own life. And that’s what I did, and I don’t regret a minute of it. Every experience I’ve had (even the tequila ones) have led me down the path of life to where I am today. I love where I am today, and wouldn’t trade it for another life for all the world. The pain, the stress, the drama, the hard work, the mistakes, the depression, the hangovers, the debt, the fat … it was all worth it.

“Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.” - Mark Twain

Jean-Paul Sartre說“每件事情都已經算好了，除了如何生活”

我已經快35歲了，並且我已經分享了我生活中的錯誤。我不是強烈的懺悔主義追隨者…我已經從每一個錯誤中吸取了極大的教訓…並且我的生活現在相當好。

然而，有一些事情我希望在我高中畢業開始成人生活的時候就已經知道了。

我能改變事情麼？我不確定。我本可以永遠都不用欠下一屁股債，但是那樣的話我可能永遠都不知道從中解脫的痛快滿足。我本可以有更好的職業選擇，但是那樣的話我不可能有所有這些使我今天成爲一名博客寫手和作家的工作經驗。

我本可以不用潔第一次婚，那樣我或許永遠也不用離婚…但是那樣的話我永遠也不會有在第一次婚姻裏得到的頭兩個漂亮精彩難以置信的孩子。

我知道我不能改變任何一個。但是，回顧過去，我學到的一些教訓可以告訴那個十八歲的自己。我現在是在同我的懺悔分享他們麼？不是的，我分享它們是希望那些剛剛開始生活的年輕男男女女能從我的錯誤和教訓中受益。

下面說的並不完全，但是，我希望它至少能對一些人有用。

Jack Handey說“我希望生活不是一個大玩笑，因爲我沒有開過”

1. 如何控制亂花錢。 如果有什麼事情使我陷入經濟危機，那就是亂花錢。買我並不需要的衣服，買小玩意因爲我想要，因爲方便就網上購物，買新的閃亮SUV因爲…，恩，因爲它能使我幫助婦女。我並不因任何一件而自豪。我已經學會控制不亂花錢，至少是好點了。現在，我給自己一些時間來喘息。我回想我的購物，假如我得到了這些錢，它是一種必須還是一種需要。這本該是15年前一種得力的思考方式。

2. 你要活得積極些。 在高中的時候我出現在小道上田野間籃球場上，可是一旦開始大學生活，漫跑和籃球開始慢慢的退出。沒有很快，但是高中畢業後我還是在業餘籃球隊裏打了幾年。但是即使那些也成爲了過去，直到我成爲久坐者。和孩子在室外玩耍令我得到了喘息，並且那時候我開始變胖，我已經保留了那種趨勢現在很活躍，但是我仍然試着燃燒掉在那些不活躍歲月裏積累下的脂肪。

3.如何進行財政規劃 當我成爲成年人的時候我一直都知道我應該預算並記錄自己的花費，我只是懶得去做。並且我也不知道如何去做。現在我已經學會如何來規劃以及如何按照這個規劃來做。當然，我會達不到計劃目標，但是我已經學會如何來處理這樣的事情。這可能是你從書本上學不到的技巧。你可以試着去做一下。恩，我希望在我孩子獨立之前把這項技術教給他們。

4.垃圾食品最終會回來咬你。 是的，不光是常坐不起的生活方式讓我發胖，所有那些該死的垃圾食品也是罪魁禍首。我會吃披薩，漢堡，Twinkies，甜麥片，甜點心，甜甜圈，等等啦，你可以想象的。一個人可以習慣吃我想吃的每個東西，這從來不是什麼問題。當你變老的時候不健康就是你會擔心的事情。恩 ，我的牛仔開始變緊，讓我自豪的是，我過去爬幾步就氣喘吁吁，肚子也打了，而現在，這些都沒有了。我希望有人能在我年輕的時候當我大口喝蘇打水的時候給我看看之後的效果圖。

5.吸菸是愚蠢的。知道我成年我纔開始吸菸。我不想說爲什麼開始吸菸，但是這對我來說不是什麼問題，因爲我知道我能在任何我想戒菸的時候把煙戒掉。或者至少當時我是這麼認爲的，直到幾年之後我試着戒菸但是沒有成功。失敗了五次之後，我很驚恐的意識到我的煙癮比我想象的要強烈的多。當然，哦哦最終戒掉了這個壞習慣（戒掉煙癮紀念日：2005年11月18日）但是，這的確費了我不少精神。

6.孩子，要交你的養老保險，不要撤回。這是一種智慧，或許是最重要的一條，也可能是看起來最明顯的一條。它們的確是這樣。別以爲我18歲的時候不知道這些。我知道。我只是沒有認真對待。退休時在我30來歲的時候擔心的事情。恩，我現在已經30來歲了，我真想扇18歲的小李歐耳光。到如今我已經投資不少了！我有過退休計劃，但是在我三次換工作的時候，我撤回了那些保險並且愚蠢的花掉了。

7. 你正在做的所有事情看起來都很難，這是肯定的。這是第一件可能不是很明顯的。我生活裏有好多次工作很難的時候，不管怎樣我做了，但是我很那份工作。我做是因爲我不得不做，但是它給了我很大的壓力使我筋疲力盡。沉重的工作不像我希望的那樣簡單，但是你知道麼？每件艱難的工作我都不知道爲什麼我要去做…它能長期使我受益，可能不是立馬就能受益，但是，我正在使用在那段高壓勞累枯燥的日子裏學來的技術和習慣-----我一直在使用，它們造就了今天的我。謝謝你，小李歐。

8. 不要沒檢查仔細就買下二手貨車。我原以爲我很聰明買下二手車，但是我沒有檢查仔細。那輛搖晃的貨車有一大堆的引擎問題，一扇車門在我開的時候差點要掉下去，車把手已經摺斷了，一個車鏡掉了，沒有備胎儘管有三個已經爆了的廢胎，車窗不能拉上去，無休止的噪音，髒兮兮的發射天線…我可以再接着列舉，但是我只是想說它不是我最棒的購物。雖然我仍然認爲買二手貨是明智之舉，但是要首先仔細檢查。

9. 你要把車賣個那個人麼？君子協定？他不會把錢給你的。我把另一輛車賣給了我朋友的一個朋友，我當時確信就算我沒有立下什麼字據他也會把錢給我。那是自作聰明。我偶爾還會在路上看見那個人，但是我沒有勇氣轉身去跟他要錢。

10.不管你有多忙都要找出時間來追逐你的激情。 我一直都夢想着成爲一名作家，並且能出版一本書。我只是從未有時間寫作。有家庭要照顧，要上學，還有一份全職工作，一天裏也就沒有多少足夠的時間了。恩，我知道你能找出這樣的時間，留出一段時間來做你喜歡做的事情，去掉那些佔用你時間的事情，不要讓任何事情打擾你做喜歡做的事情。假如我15年前就這樣做了，我現在就能有15本書了。不是所有的事情都能變得偉大，但還是會這樣的。

11.所有那些給你壓力的人五年之後都沒有什麼意義了，更不用說十五年了。所有那些正發生在你身上的事情意味着整個世界。緊催的截止期，項目，和人都要把我逼瘋了。我並不後悔上面說的沉重工作，但是我認爲假如我能意識到那在未來幾年後不會有什麼意義我會更輕鬆一點。視角是一件很需要學習的事情。

12.你交的朋友遠比你的工作和買的東西要重要。在過去的15年裏，我有過幾份工作，買過很多東西，交過一些朋友，在這些當中唯一對我還有意義的就是朋友。我希望我能用比做其他事情更多的時間陪朋友家人。

13.你用來看電視的所有時間都是很大很大的時間浪費。

我不知道在過去的那些年裏我用多少時間來看電視，但是肯定是很大的一筆時間。那些分分秒秒日日月月我永遠都要不回來了。當現實在流走的時候誰關心電視上發生的？時間就是你永遠也要不回來的東西---不要把時間浪費在看電視上。

14.你的孩子比你想象的要成長的快，不要浪費時間。我最近很驚訝的發現我14歲的大女兒卡羅下月就要15歲了，在她離開我成爲成年人只有三年的時間和我在一起了。三年啊！我被這個現實鎮住了，因爲真的是好像哪裏都沒有足夠的時間。我想回到我的年輕時代，狠狠的敲敲那個小李歐的頭，並且跟她書喲不要這麼賣命的工作了！不要看電視了！和孩子多呆一會吧！和卡羅一起的15年過得實在是太快太快了.

15.忘記悲傷，開心起來。我在工作生活上有許多事情看起來都像是我的世界末日。並且當這些事情糟糕的時候它們給我很大的打擊以至於成爲了我生活的主題。它們使我一次又一次的受挫。多麼大的時間浪費啊！假如我意識到那只是存在我腦子裏的，意識到要是關注相反面，關注我所擁有的，關注我能做的，我就會相應的很開心。我本可以從那些鬱悶的事情中擺脫的。

16.當你初次聽說博客的時候多關注些，它們不僅僅是日誌。我是在七八年前第一次讀到博客的，但是但是我看到的時候它們一點也沒意思。只是一些人在網上讀到的東西寫的日誌。我爲什麼想要讀它們？我有自己的對網絡的認識，我沒必要和世界分享。我花大量的時間在網上，瀏覽不同的網站論壇，但是每次我碰到博客的時候我會沒什麼興趣的一掃而過。就在幾年之前我發現博客是那麼的有趣（在my list of influces裏面我提到了一些我早期的最愛）。假如我幾年之前就喜歡上寫博客，恩，我就不會浪費那些時間了。

17.提到記日誌，認真的說，你的記憶力是相當容易出錯的。我真的很容易忘事情，不是近期的，是長期的事情。我不記得我孩子小時候的事情了，因爲我沒有做任何記錄。我不記得有關我生活的事情了。有很多模糊的記憶就好像我從來沒有經歷過一樣。我希望我以前記了日誌。

18.龍舌蘭酒很邪惡。我不想仔細說，但是隻要說我有過很糟糕的經歷就已經足夠了。我不確定我從中學到了太多的東西或者通過哪一種方式受了多大的益處，除了認識到龍舌蘭酒是魔鬼的飲料。

19.是的，你可以跑馬拉松。不要推遲了----它是極其的有益的。從高中的時候跑馬拉松就一直是我的夢想了，它使我想做又覺得做不到。或者，就算我能去跑，也是好多年之後。恩，我明白那不僅是可以做到的，而且毫無疑問是大有裨益的。我希望在我年輕手腳輕便身體健康的時候就已經開始訓練了。我本可以有一些精彩的衝刺機會。

20.你要犯的那些錯誤都是值得的。我18歲的時候要是看到這個觀點會說“好主意！”然後他會繼續犯同樣的錯誤，儘管意圖是好的。我曾經是一個好孩子，但是我不太擅長按照別人的意見來做。我得犯我自己的錯誤，過我自己的生活。這就是我曾經說過的，我從未因此而後悔過。我所擁有的每一次經歷（甚至龍舌蘭酒的經歷）都把我引上了哦我現在這樣的生活方式。我喜歡我現在的位置，我不會跟世界上任何一種生活做交換。那些痛苦，壓力，不開心，沉重的工作，鬱悶的心情，宿醉，債務，贅肉…都是值得的。

“讓我們這樣的生活，當我們死的時候甚至擡棺人都感到傷心”-----馬克·吐溫