英語幽默小故事短篇閱讀

有時候閱讀一些幽默搞笑的英語故事，除了能讓人產生興趣更能提高英語閱讀水平，今天本站小編在這裏爲大家分享一些英語幽默小故事，希望大家會喜歡這些英語故事!

A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”“George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly.

“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.“Well,”said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”

“I don’t know what his name was,”said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”

一個老師問她的學生：“誰是世界上第一個男人”一個小男孩立刻大聲說：“喬治.華盛頓。”老師帶着寵溺的笑容問這個男生：“你如何證明喬治華盛頓是世界上第一個男人呢。”這個男孩子說：“因爲，他是第一個挑起戰爭，第一個主張和平，並且是第一個深得民心的人。”這時，有一個年齡稍大的男孩子舉起手來，老師問他，“你認爲誰是世界第一個男人?”男孩回答說：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是喬治華盛頓，因爲歷史書上說，喬治華盛頓和一個寡婦結婚了，所以在他之前，當然還有一個男的啦。”

A shoplifter |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

一個小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一隻手錶的時候被當場擒獲。“聽着，”小偷說，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這隻表買下，然後我們就當什麼也沒發生，你看怎樣?”經理表示同意，然後列了一張售貨單。小偷看着單子說道：“這比我最初的預算稍稍高了一點，你們還有沒有便宜一點兒東西。”

Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch? Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：有人搶你的手錶時，你爲什麼不呼救呢?男子：要是我張口的話，他們就會發現我的四顆金牙，那就更糟了。

The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell. So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?" George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"

典獄長對獄中一位囚犯深感同情，因爲每逢週末的探訪日，大多數囚犯都有家人或朋友來訪，但是可憐的喬治總是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。因此在一個探訪日，典獄長把喬治叫到辦公室說：“喬治，我注意到從來沒有人來探望過你。”他滿懷同情地把手放在喬治的肩膀上：“告訴我，你沒有任何朋友或家人嗎?”喬治回答：“喔!當然有，典獄長，只不過他們全都在這裏面!”

my father, who was 14 years old than my mother, had been working on his will. at a family dinner he told us that he had provided well for mother, but the family home would go to us five children if she remarried.我爸比我媽大14歲，最近一直在寫遺囑。一次家宴上，他告訴我們說他爲母親以後的生活作好了安排，但如果她改嫁的話，家裏的房子將歸我們五個孩子所有。"i don't want another s.o.b. toasting his shins around my fireplace," he explained.“我可不願意另外哪個狗孃養的在我的火爐旁烤他的狗腿，”他解釋道。with a sly grin, mother

cracked, "what makes you think i'd marry another s.o.b?"媽媽狡猾地咧了咧嘴，譏誚道：“你怎麼認爲我會再嫁給一個狗孃養的?”

Once there was a blind. One day when he was walking, he

stepped the head of the dog who was sleeping. The dog barked for a while. The blind man went on for miles, this time he stepped the other dog's tail, so this dog barked. The blind man had thought that it was the first dog, so he said in surprise, It's a wonder that the dog is so long.

從前有個瞎子。一天，他正在行路時踩着了一隻正在睡覺的狗的腦袋，狗汪汪汪地叫了一陣。這人又往前走，這回踩着的是另外一隻狗的尾巴，狗又汪汪汪地叫起來。瞎子以爲還是那條狗，驚詫地說：奇怪，這隻狗可真夠長的。

"i had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."一個男人對他的朋友說：“我動了一次手術，手術後醫生把一塊海綿忘在我的身體裏了。”

"that's terrible!" said the friend. "got any pain?"

“真是太糟糕了!”朋友說道：“你覺得疼嗎?”

"no, but i am always thirsty!"

“不疼，可是我總感到口渴!”

A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.

一位婦人發現丈夫回家的時候總是爛醉如泥，她決定爲丈夫治好這個毛病。一個萬聖節夜裏，她穿上一套魔鬼戲服，躲在樹後，準備在丈夫返家時攔截他的去路。

When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

當丈夫走近時，她從樹後跳出來，站到他面前，頭上帶着紅色的羊角、身後有長長的尾巴，手中握着鋼叉。

"Who are you?" he asked.

“你是誰?”丈夫問到。

"I'm the Devil!" she responded.

“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。

"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"

“噢，那你跟我一起回家吧，”丈夫說，“我娶了你的姐妹!”

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