經典科幻文學:《宇宙盡頭的餐館》第18章3

“Yes,” he said, “look, the infra-pink lizard emblem on the neutrino cowling. Lazlar’s trade mark. The man has no shame.”
“I was passed by one of these mothers once, out by the Axel Nebula,” said Ford, “I was going flat out and this thing just strolled past me, star drive hardly ticking over. Just incredible.”
Zaphod whistled appreciatively.
“Ten seconds later”, said Ford, “it smashed straight into the third moon of Jaglan Beta.”
“Yeah, right?”
“Amazing looking ship though. Looks like a fish, moves like a fish, steers like a cow.”
Ford looked round the other side.
“Hey, come and see,” he called out, “there’s a big mural painted on this side. A bursting sun Disaster Area’s trade mark. This must be Hotblack’s ship. Lucky old bugger. They do this terrible song you know which ends with a stuntship crashing into the sun. Meant to be an amazing spectacle. Expensive in stunt ships though.”
Zaphod’s attention however was elsewhere. His attention was riveted on the ship standing next to Hotblack Desiato’s limo. His mouths hung open.
“That,” he said, “that… is really bad for the eyes…”
Ford looked. He too stood astonished.
It was a ship of classic, simple design, like a flattened salmon, twenty yards long, very clean, very sleek. There was just one remarkable thing about it.
“It’s so… black!” said Ford Prefect, “you can hardly make out its shape… light just seems to fall into it!”
Zaphod said nothing. He had simply fallen in love.
The blackness of it was so extreme that it was almost impossible to tell how close you were standing to it.
“Your eyes just slide off it…” said Ford in wonder. It was an emotional moment. He bit his lip.
Zaphod moved forward to it, slowly, like a man possessed or more accurately like a man who wanted to possess. His hand reached out to stroke it. His hand stopped. His hand reached out to stroke it again. His hand stopped again.
“Come and feel the surface,” he said in a hushed voice.
Ford put his hand out to feel it. His hand stopped.
“You… you can’t…” he said.
“See?” said Zaphod, “it’s just totally frictionless. This must be one mother of a mover…”
He turned to look at Ford seriously. At least, one of his heads did the other stayed gazing in awe at the ship.
“What do you reckon, Ford?” he said.
“You mean… er…” Ford looked over his shoulder. “You mean stroll off with it? You think we should?”
“No.”
“Nor do I.”
“But we’re going to, aren’t we?”
“How can we not?”
They gazed a little longer, till Zaphod suddenly pulled himself together.
“We better shift soon,” he said. “In a moment or so the Universe will have ended and all the Captain Creeps will be pouring down here to find their bourge-mobiles.”
“Zaphod,” said Ford.
“Yeah?”
“How do we do it?”
“Simple,” said Zaphod. He turned. “Marvin!” he called.
Slowly, laboriously, and with a million little clanking and creaking noises that he had learned to simulate, Marvin turned round to answer the summons.
“Come on over here,” said Zaphod, “We’ve got a job for you.”
Marvin trudged towards them.
“I won’t enjoy it,” he said.

“沒錯。”他說，“你瞧，中微子整流罩上有粉紅外線的蜥蜴圖案，這是蘭茲拉的標誌。這人真他媽不要臉。”
“我曾經被一艘像這樣的操蛋玩意兒從旁邊超了一次，在阿克塞爾星雲外面。”福特說，“當時我已經開到雖高速度了，可這玩意兒隨隨便使就超了我，根本不當回事，星際推進器甚至沒有加大馬力。簡直難以置信。”
贊福德欣賞地吹了一聲口哨。
“十秒鐘之後，”福特說，“它直直墜毀在賈葛蘭貝塔星的三號月球上。”
“哦，是嗎？”
“不過，外觀倒確實不錯。看上去像條魚，行動起來也像條魚，開起來卻像頭牛。”
福特看了一眼飛船的另外一側。
“嘿，快來看，”他喊道，“這邊有一幅大壁畫。一顆正在爆炸的太陽——‘災難地帶’的標誌。這一定是霍特布萊克的飛船。幸運的老混蛋：你知道，他們搞出了那首可怕的曲子，居然以一艘特技飛船撞向太陽作爲結尾。他們就是想搞出個大場面來，當然，特技飛船貴得要命，”
可贊福德的注意力卻在別的地方。他的注意力完全集中在停在霍特布萊克·迪西艱陽均豪華飛船旁邊的那艘飛船上。他的兩張嘴張得大大的。
“這，”他說，“這……真的對眼睛很不好。”
福特看過去，他同樣驚訝得呆住了。
這是一艘傳統的飛船，設計很簡單，像一條扁平的鮭魚，二十碼長，非常乾淨，非常光滑，它渾身上下只有一處地方硅得不尋常，
“它太黑了！”福特長官說，“黑得連它的形狀都很難判斷……光線似乎都掉進它裏面去了！”
贊福德什麼也沒說：他對它簡直是一見鍾情e
它黑得如此純粹，以至於幾乎不口J能判斷出你站得離它有多遠。
“連你的目光也會從它上面滑開……”福特驚訝地說。這真是讓人心潮澎湃的一刻，他咬着自己的嘴脣。
贊福德走近這艘飛船，步子非常緩慢，像被它抓住了——或者更準確地說，像要抓住它。他伸出手去撫摸它。他的手停住了。他再次伸出手，卻再次停住了。
“你來，感覺一下它的表面。”他悄聲說。
於是福特也伸出手來。他的手停住了。
“你……你無法……”他說。
“瞧見了嗎？”贊福德說，“完全沒有摩擦，這東西一定快得他螞的要命！”
他轉過身來，嚴肅地望着福特。至少，他的其中一個腦袋是這麼做的——另一個則繼續敬畏地盯着這艘飛船。
“你是怎麼想的，福特，”他問。
“你的意思是…嗯——”福特的目光越過他的肩膀，“你的意思是把它開出去逛逛？你覺得這麼做合適嗎？”
“不。”
“我也覺得不合適。”
“但我們會這麼做的，不是嗎？”
“我們怎麼能不這麼做呢？”
他們又相互對望了一會兒。最後，贊福德突然控制住了自己的感情。
“我們最好馬上行動：”他說，“再過一會兒，宇宙就要終結了。然後，所有那些沒有品位的傢伙就會一窩蜂地衝下來，尋找他們這些破破爛爛、平平無奇的飛船。”
“贊福德。”福特說。
“什麼？”
“我們怎麼幹？”
“很簡單。”贊福德說。他回過身，“馬文！”他喊道。
馬戈緩慢、吃力地轉過身來，同時發出上百萬種叮叮噹噹、吱吱嘎嘎的噪音。（模擬出這種聲音是他學到的一個小竅門。）
“到這邊來，”贊福德說，“我們有個任務交給你。”
馬文蹣跚着向他們走來。
“我不會喜歡你交代的工作。”他說。