《美食祈禱和戀愛》Chapter 106 (258):我最可惡

Now she doesn't look like she's going to faint; she looks like she's going to die. I feel like one-half of the biggest prick in history, spinning this tale to this poor woman, who—among other things—obviously doesn't realize that I no more have the power to take that money out of her bank account than I have to revoke her Indonesian citizenship. But how could she know that? I made the money magically appear in her bankbook, didn't I? Couldn't I just as easily take it away?

"Honey," she says, "believe me, I find land now, don't worry, very fast I find land. Please don't worry . . . maybe in next three days this is finish, I promise."

"You must, Wayan," I say, with a gravity that is not entirely acting. The fact is, she must. Her kids need a home. She's about to get evicted. This is no time to be a bullshit.

I say, "I'm going back to Felipe's house now. Call me when you've bought something." Then I walk away from my friend, aware that she is watching me but refusing to turn around and look back at her. All the way home, I'm offering up to God the weirdest prayer: "Please, let it be true that she's been bullshitting me." Because if she wasn't bullshitting, if she's genuinely incapable of finding herself a place to live despite an $18,000 cash infusion, then we're in really big trouble here and I don't know how this woman is ever going to pull her-self out of poverty. But if she was bullshitting me, then in a way it's a ray of hope. It shows she's got some wiles, and she might be OK in this shifty world, after all. I go home to Felipe, feeling awful. I say, "If only Wayan knew how deviously I was plotting behind her back . . ."

". . . plotting for her happiness and success," he finishes the sentence for me.

Four hours later—four measly hours!—the phone rings in Felipe's house. It's Wayan. She's breathless. She wants me to know the job is finished. She has just purchased the two aro from the farmer (whose "wife" suddenly didn't seem to mind breaking up the property). There was no need, as it turns out, for any magic dreams or priestly interventions or taksu ra-diation-level tests. Wayan even has the certificate of ownership already, in her very hands! And it's notarized! Also, she assures me, she has already ordered construction materials for her house and workers will start building early next week—before I leave. So I can see the project under way. She hopes that I am not angry with her. She wants me to know that she loves me more than she loves her own body, more than she loves her own life, more than she loves this whole world.

I tell her that I love her, too. And that I can't wait to be a guest someday in her beautiful new home. And that I would like a photocopy of that certificate of ownership. When I get off the phone, Felipe says, "Good girl."

I don't know whether he's referring to her or me. But he opens a bottle of wine and we raise a toast to our dear friend Wayan the Balinese landowner.

Then Felipe says, "Can we go on vacation now, please?" Eat, Pray, Love

現在她看起來不像要暈倒；她看起來像要斷氣。我有一半覺得自己是有史以來最可惡的人，向這可憐女人說這套謊言，尤其她顯然沒意識到，我根本毫無能力取出她的銀行存款，如同我毫無能力奪取她的印尼國籍。可是她怎麼知道？我讓錢神奇地出現在她的存款簿，不是嗎？難道不也能輕而易舉地把錢取回？

"親愛的，"她說，"相信我，我正在找地，別擔心，我很快找到地。請別擔心……也許三天內就能解決，我保證。"

"你一定必須這樣做，大姐。"我嚴肅地說，並不全然在演戲。事實上，她一定得做。她的孩子們需要一個家。她即將被房東趕出去。這不是扯屁的時候。

我說："我現在要回斐利貝家。你買了地後打電話給我。" 我轉身走出去，明白她正在注視我，但我不願轉頭回看她。一路上，我向神提出最詭異的祈禱："拜託，但願她真的是在跟我扯屁。"因爲倘若她不是在扯屁，倘若她儘管有一萬八千元進賬卻真的找不到住的地方，那麼我們的麻煩可就大了，而我也不知道這女人是否有讓自己脫離窮困的一天。但是如果她是在跟我扯屁，從某個角度而言，就是一線希望。這證明她詭計多端，在這個變動不居的世界裏，畢竟不失爲好事。我回到斐利貝家，心情惡劣。我說："要是大姐得知我在她背後密謀不軌……"

"……以謀求她的快樂與成功。"他接着我的話說。

四個小時後——短短四個小時！——斐利貝家的電話響起，是大姐。她喘着氣要我知道，事情已辦成。她剛剛買下農人的二阿羅地（農人的"老婆"，突然間似乎不在乎分開賣地）。結果才知道，所謂託夢、祭司的干預，或測試神靈的輻射值都不需要。大姐甚至已經拿到所有權狀，就在她手裏，而且經過公證！她還告訴我，她已經訂購房屋建材，工人在下禮拜初就會開始蓋房子——在我離開之前，讓我能看見工程進行。她希望我別生她的氣。她要我知道她愛我勝過她愛她自己的身體，勝過她愛她自己的生命，勝過她愛這整個世界。

我告訴她說我也愛她，說我等不及哪天去她漂亮的新家做客，說我希望有那份所有權狀的影印本。我掛掉電話後，斐利貝說："好女孩。"

我不清楚他是指她或指我，但他開了瓶酒，我們向我們的摯友、巴厘島的土地所有者大姐祝酒。

而後斐利貝說："我們現在能去度假了吧？"