在中國爲什麼三歲小孩就被送去寄宿學校

Family ties are hugely important in China, but thousands of Chinese parents are still sending children as young as three away to boarding school. Why do they do it?

Kelly Jiang bounces into her kindergarten classroom, her parents a few steps behind.

"Bye Mum and Dad," the four-year-old trills, with barely a backwards glance.

As her parents wave farewell, she's already happily chatting to her teacher and her classmates.

There are no tears, no cuddles and no long goodbyes, which is all the more remarkable, because Kelly won't see or talk to her mother and father for another four days.

Kelly is one of dozens of three and four-year-olds sent to this boarding kindergarten in Shanghai. From Monday morning to Friday afternoon she and her classmates play, learn, eat and sleep in their brightly coloured classroom and its attached dormitory, only going home at weekends.

They are not alone. There are other boarding kindergartens in Shanghai, Beijing and other major Chinese cities. While no official figures are available, it's estimated that the number of boarding toddlers runs into thousands nationwide.

In traditional Chinese culture, family is prized about all else - so how can the phenomenon of the boarding toddler be explained?

There are a few reasons, says Xu Jing, executive principal of the Kangqiao kindergarten affiliated to the China Welfare Institute (CWI) in Shanghai.

"Some think it's good for the children because it helps promote independence. Other parents don't have time or energy to look after their kids," says Xu.

"Also, in traditional Chinese culture many grandparents live with the family, and [because of China's one child policy] sometimes there are four grandparents, two parents and just one child in a home.

"Some parents worry that the grandparents will spoil the child, so they send them here."

Kelly Jiang's father, Jamie, is an investment consultant, and her mother doesn't work. As part of China's wealthy business elite, they are able to afford the monthly fees of $1,000 (￡622).

"We did a lot of research, and discovered that boarding kindergarten benefits outgoing children. It helps them become more independent, and have better life skills," explains Jiang.

"Our Kelly was a very cheerful baby who liked her own space, so we sent her for a trial. Then we asked her if she wanted to stay in the boarding class, and she said yes."

Jiang's eyes fill with tears when asked if he misses his bubbly little girl.

"At first we missed her so much. But we think that as the world is more global, sooner or later she will leave us.

"We let go of her earlier to help her become more independent and be able to survive in society. But we cherish the time we spend with her."

Boarding kindergartens were established in China in 1949 to look after war orphans of the civil war, as well as the children of new Communist Party leaders who suddenly found themselves too busy for childcare.

These days, as the queues of Audi and Mercedes cars at drop-off time attest, it is a very different crowd who send their children to boarding kindergartens.

Numbers peaked in the 1990s, when sending a young child to such schools was a fashionable status symbol.

But recently the system has become less popular. Some boarding kindergartens, both private and state-run, are closing. Others are switching from boarding classes to day care.

The CWI kindergarten in Shanghai used to be exclusively boarding, but now only three out of 22 classes for young children are residential.

"Chinese parents are now starting to realise that it's important to spend more time with their kids when they are very young, because they are learning and it's a very important stage of growth," says Xu Jing.

"We also advise parents that if they have the time and ability to be with their children, day care is a better option."

Psychologist Han Mei Ling is a vocal critic of boarding kindergartens, having treated a number of adults and teenagers scarred by the experience.

"They feel abandoned and irrelevant. They struggle to find their place in life, and they don't know how to behave in their own family," she says.

"It achieves independence only in parents' minds - it is brutal."

Han believes a culture where family pride depends overwhelmingly on a child's success or failure is the reason some parents still send their children to kindergartens.

"Most Chinese families understand that it's important for children to be with their parents, but they also have very high expectations of their kids," she says.

The experience of boarding is seen by some parents as a way for a toddler to get ahead. From boarding kindergarten, they are likely to go on to a boarding school and then, the hope is, they will win a place at a good university.

But a number of former boarding kindergarten pupils told me it had been a bad experience.

Fashion model Wang Danwei was sent to board aged three after her parents divorced.

"In the end I accepted it in a passive way, but I never liked it," she says. "When I later went on to boarding school I felt a deep sense of exclusion, and spent most of my time alone, keeping quiet and resisting getting to know new people."

Adjusting to life away from their parents is difficult for nearly all toddlers. During the day, the children are busy with fun activities, but when I made a bedtime visit to the three-year-old boarders at the CWI's Kangqaio campus, about half the class was in tears.

Children cried out for their parents in heartbreaking scenes of distress, as teachers tried to comfort them.

"We are seeing a lot of tears tonight because it is the start of the academic year, and these children are new to boarding," kindergarten administrator Huang Ying assured us.

"In about two months no child will cry at bedtime. The kids also have family photos, so when they need their parents they can talk to the photos and it's just like they are there with them."

Mo Li, a 17-year-old student, said she, too, found it difficult at first as a three-year-old boarder, but then had a positive experience.

"At the beginning I missed home, but the food was very good, and the environment lovely, with lots of trees," she says.

"I think that now, compared to other people my age, I am more independent and more responsible. And you may see this as a positive or a negative, but I also cherish my relationship with my parents more than my peers do."在中國，家庭聯繫極爲重要，但仍有數以千計的中國家長在孩子才三歲的時候就將其送往寄宿學校。他們爲何這樣做？

蔣可莉（音）在幼兒園的教師裏跳來跳去，她的父母緊跟在她身後。

“媽媽爸爸再見，”這個四歲的小女孩歡快地叫道，幾乎不回頭看看她的父母。

她的父母向她揮手道別時，她已經在和老師同學們愉快地交談了。

沒有眼淚，沒有擁抱，也沒有道不盡的別，這是極不正常的，因爲可莉在接下來的四天都見不到父母，或是不能和他們說話。

可莉只是幾十個被送到這家上海幼兒園的三四歲小孩中的一個。從週一早餐到週五下午，她和她的同學都在他們被佈置得五顏六色的教室和宿舍裏玩耍，學習，吃飯，睡覺，他們只在週末纔回家。

這並不是個別現象。在上海，北京，及中國其他大城市，還有其他的寄宿幼兒園。儘管沒有官方數據，但據估計，這樣的寄宿孩子在全國成千上萬。

在中國的傳統文化裏，家庭重於一切——那麼怎麼解釋這一寄宿孩子的現象呢？

有幾個原因，徐涇說，他是上海中國福利協會（CWI）附屬康橋幼兒園的執行園長。

“有人認爲這對孩子有好處，因爲這能促進孩子的獨立。家長們沒有時間和精力照看他們的孩子，”徐說。

“同樣，在中國傳統文化裏，不少祖父母都與兒女住在一起，同時（因爲中國的計劃生育政策）有時候，一個家裏有四個祖父母，兩個父母，一個孩子。”

“一些家長覺得祖父母會寵壞孩子，所以他們將孩子送到幼兒園。”

蔣可莉的父親傑米是一位投資顧問，她的母親沒有工作。作爲中國富裕的商界精英，她的家裏有能力爲她支付每月1000美元（622英鎊）的費用。

“我們做過很多調查，發現寄宿幼兒園對外向的孩子有好處。它幫助孩子們變得更獨立，提高他們的生活技能，”蔣先生解釋道。

“我們的可莉是個很討人喜歡的寶貝，她喜歡有自己的空間，所以我們把她送到寄宿幼兒園試一試。我們問她是否想待在班裏，她說想。”

當問及他是否想念自己快樂好奇的小女孩時，蔣先生的眼裏滿是淚花。

“剛開始我們特別想她。但我們認爲，隨着這個世界越來越全球化，她遲早會離開我們。

“我們在她小時候就放手讓她去寄宿幼兒園，這樣能讓她更獨立，讓她能在社會上生存。但我們很珍惜和她在一起的時間。”

1949年，中國就建立了寄宿幼兒園，接受內戰遺留的孤兒，以及突然忙得不可開交的共產黨領導人的孩子。

這些天，在幼兒園放學時間門口停着一排排的奧迪和奔馳車，這說明了送孩子到寄宿幼兒園的家庭是一個不普通的羣體。

20世紀90年代，寄宿幼兒園的孩子數量達到頂峯，在當時送孩子去這樣的學校是一種潮流的地位象徵。

不過最近，這一體系不再像當初那樣流行。一些私立和公立的寄宿幼兒園都陸續關門。其他的幼兒園正從寄宿變爲日製。

位於上海的中國福利協會幼兒園從來都是寄宿幼兒園，但現在22個班裏只有3個寄宿班。

“中國家長現在開始意識到，孩子很小的時候要多花時間陪陪他們，這點很重要，因爲孩子們處於學習的階段，這是成長過程中一個很重要的階段，”徐涇說。

“我們同樣向父母建議，如果他們有時間有能力和孩子在一起，日製幼兒園是個更好的選擇。”

心理學家韓美玲在接待了許多對寄宿經歷有所恐懼的成人和青少年後，她強烈反對寄宿幼兒園。

“他們覺得自己被遺棄了，與家裏毫不相干。他們奮力尋求生活裏自己的位置，他們不知道在自己家裏如何表現，”她說。

“孩子們只在家長的腦海裏變得獨立——這很殘忍。”

家庭的自豪感完完全全取決於孩子的成功或失敗，韓相信，這樣的一個文化是一些父母仍然把孩子送去幼兒園的原因。

“絕大多數中國家庭都明白，對孩子而言，和父母在一起很重要，但他們對孩子還有很高的期許，”她說。

一些家長認爲，對一個小孩而言，擁有寄宿經驗更能讓他脫穎而出。從寄宿幼兒園開始，孩子們可能會讀寄宿學校，之後，他們希望能進一所好大學。

但不少讀過寄宿幼兒園的小學生都告訴我寄宿是個糟糕的經歷。

時尚模特王丹薇三歲時父母離異，她被送往寄宿幼兒園。

“最後我以一種被動的方式接受了，但我從來沒有喜歡過寄宿幼兒園，”她說，“後來我上了寄宿學校，我深感自己被排斥，大部分時間我都獨處，保持沉默，拒絕認識新朋友。”

對幾乎所有小孩而言，適應離開父母的生活很困難。在白天，孩子們會玩各種有趣的活動，但當我晚上在就寢時間去看望中國福利協會康橋幼兒園的三歲寄宿者時，有一半的小朋友都哭了。

孩子們都哭着找爸爸媽媽，這樣悲傷的場面令人心碎，老師們也都盡力安慰他們。

“我們今晚看到不少小孩都在哭，因爲這是新學年的第一天，這些孩子都是第一天寄宿，”幼兒園管理者黃穎向我們解釋道。

“兩個月內，就不會有孩子在就寢時間哭了。這些孩子都有家庭合照，所以他們想父母時，他們可以對着照片說話，就像父母真的在身邊一樣。”

茉莉，一名17歲的學生，三歲便是寄宿者，剛開始她覺得很困難，不過後來發現這是一個積極的經歷。

“最初我很想家，不過幼兒園的東西很好吃，環境也好，有許多樹，”她說。

“我認爲比我的同齡人，現在我更加獨立，更有責任感。你也許會認爲這要麼是積極的，要麼是消極的，但我也比同齡人更加珍惜和父母的關係。”