校園口語第180課:戀愛十宗罪(2)
6. You're afraid of breaking up
你們總是害怕會分手
Nobody in a truly happy partnership is afraid of breaking up. If you are, that's a big warning sign that something's wrong. But often, what's wrong is the fear itself. Not only does it betray a lack of trust, but it shows a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. Quite frankly, this isn't going to be very satisfying for you, and it also isn't going to be very satisfying for your partner.
擁有真正幸福感情的人是不會害怕分手的。如果你在擔心，那就是在警告你，有些東西不太對勁。但經常真正不對勁的是害怕情緒的本身，它不僅泄露了你對對方的不信任，也是你自身缺乏自信自尊的表現。坦白說，如果你對這段感情不滿意，那你的愛人又怎麼會滿足呢？
7. You're dependent
你太依賴對方
There's a thin line between companionship and support and dependency. If you depend on your partner — that is, if you absolutely cannot live without her or him — you've crossed that line. The pressure is now on your partner to fill whatever's missing in you — a pressure s/he will learn to resent.
互相扶持還是太過依賴，只在一念之間。如果你事事依賴對方(也就是說你離了他/她就活不了)，你就越界了。你身上的壓力全部轉嫁到你的愛人身上，這樣的壓力，會讓他/她最終怨恨你。
8. You expect happiness
你以爲愛情裏只有幸福
A sign of a bad relationship is that one or both partners expect either to make the other happy or for their partner to make them happy. This is not only an unrealistic expectation to lay on yourself or on them — nobody can "make" you happy, except you — but it's an unrealistic expectation to lay on your relationship. Relationships aren't only about being happy, and there's lots of times when you won't and even shouldn't be.
一段糟糕的感情，其中一個信號就是期望對方會讓自己幸福，或者以爲自己會讓對方幸福。這不僅僅是你對自己或者對方的不切實際的期望(要知道除了你自己沒人能讓你幸福)，也是你對感情不現實的幻想。一段感情，不僅僅是快樂和幸福，還有很多痛苦、悲傷和難過的時刻。
9. You never fight
你們從來不吵架
A good argument is essential, every now and then. In part, arguing helps bring out the little stuff before it becomes major, but also, fighting expresses anger which is a perfectly normal part of a human's emotional make-up. Your relationship has to be strong enough to hold all of who you are, not just the sunny stuff.
偶爾的爭論很重要。從某種程度上來說，爭吵可以在大問題出現前就消化掉根源的小矛盾。通過爭吵表達憤怒，也是我們情感渲泄最完美的方法。你們的感情要足夠牢固，可以包容你們的所有一切，而不只是快樂陽光的一面。
10. You expect it to be easy/you expect it to be hard
你以爲感情很容易/很難
There are two deeply problematic attitudes about relationships. One is that a relationship should be easy, that if you really love each other and are meant to be together, it will work itself out. The other is that anything worth having is going to be hard — and that therefore if it's hard, it must be worth having. The outcome of both views is that you don't work at your relationship and quickly get burnt out.
有兩種觀點對感情的理解非常不對：一種認爲維繫感情很容易，如果真的深愛彼此註定會在一起，那就順其自然，車到山前必有路；一種認爲只有歷盡艱險才能值得擁有，所以既然經過各種磨難和艱苦，那這段感情肯定值得擁有。這兩種觀點的結果是，你不會經營感情，而愛的花火也會很快熄滅。
Your choices
你其實可以選擇
There isn't any one answer to any of the problems above. There are choices though. If you suffer from any of these problems, figure out how to fix it, whether that means therapy, a solo mountain retreat, or just talking to your partner and committing yourselves to change.
這些問題都沒有答案，但是你可以選擇。如果你們遭受這些問題的折磨，你需要自己去搞清楚怎麼修復感情。可能是要一起去看心理醫生，可能是獨自一人去山裏度假，可能只是跟你的愛人聊聊，對自己做出改。
