校園口語第180課:戀愛十宗罪(1)
're playing to win
你們總是想要贏對方
One of the deadliest killers of relationships is the competitive urge, the attitude that the relationship itself is a kind of game that you're tying to win. People in competitive relationships are always looking for an advantage, the upper hand, some edge they can hold over their partner's head.
愛情的一大致命殺手就是競爭慾望：把感情當作比賽，總是想要贏過對方。處在競爭關係中的人總是想要尋找自己的優勢，佔盡上風，盡握對方的把柄。
don't trust
你們不信任彼此
There are two aspects of trust that are important in relationships. One is trusting your partner enough to know that s/he won't cheat on you or otherwise hurt you — and to know that he or she trusts you that way, too. The other is trusting them enough to know they won't leave you or stop loving you no matter what you do or say.
感情的信任包括兩層含義：足夠信任你的伴侶，明白他不會欺騙也不會傷害你，同時也瞭解他也是如此的信任着你；足夠信任你的愛人，明白不管你說什麼做什麼，他都不會離開或者不再愛你。
3. You don't talk
你們不交流
Too many people hold their tongues about things that bother or upset them in their relationship, either because they don't want to hurt their partner, or because they're trying to win. Ultimately, keeping quiet reflects a lack of trust — and, as I said that's the death of a relationship.
太多的人沉默無言，對感情中讓他們煩惱或者不安的細節隻字不提，也許是因爲不想傷害對方，也許是因爲太想要贏而不願意示弱。緘默不語其實是缺乏信任的表現，這是愛情的死穴。
4. You don't listen
你們不傾聽
Listening — really listening — is hard. It's normal to want to defend ourselves when we hear something that seems like criticism, so instead of really hearing someone out, we interrupt to explain or excuse ourselves, or we turn inward to prepare our defense. If you can't listen actively, at least to the person you love, there's a problem.
真正的傾聽很難。聽到類似批評的話語時，我們想要爲自己辯護，這很正常，所以我們不聽對方把話說完就開始打斷，解釋，爲自己找藉口，或者在心中準備防守。如果對你愛的人你都無法主動傾聽，那就有問題了。
5. You spend like a single person
你還像個單身的人過活
When you're single, you can buy whatever you want, whenever you want, with little regard for the future. It's not necessarily wise, but you're the only one who has to pay the consequences. When you are with someone in a long-term relationship, that is no longer a possibility. If you're spending money as if it was your money and nobody else has a right to tell you what to do with it, your relationship is doomed.
單身的時候，想買什麼買什麼，隨時隨地隨心所欲，一點不想着將來。這很不明智，但是我們是唯一要爲後果付出代價的人。當你長期跟某人交往時，這一切就不再成爲可能。如果你還是像以前一樣大手大腳覺得別人沒權利對你指手畫腳，那麼你們的感情就完了。
