爲何你總是對另一半的前任耿耿於懷大綱
Who among us feels more emotionally attached to their partner's ex than they do their own exes? It's okay to admit that you look at your partner's ex's Instagram a couple times a week, have seen every single available photo on their Facebook, and accidentally came across the old couple's photos your partner still has stashed in their room. You are not alone, and you're not a bad person, but your obsession with your partner's ex might be coming from a place of insecurity.
你們是不是覺得自己對另一半前任的感情比另一半對他/她的感情還要深？大方承認吧，每週你都會看幾次另一半前任的Instagram、看他們臉書上的每張照片，偶爾你還會看到另一半藏在房間裏的他們以前的合照。這樣做的不止你一人，你也不是一個壞人，但你對另一半前任的迷戀可能是因爲你沒有安全感。People often get jealous of their partner's former lovers or exes, to the point where they obsess and feel in direct competition, explains Michael Brustein, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. In most cases, there's nothing going on between your partner and their ex, but you might act or feel as though your partner is currently cheating, Dr. Brustein says. So, while you know deep down that your partner is, in fact, over their ex, you might still occasionally check in on their social media to make sure that you're still better than them - you know, just in case.
人們總會吃另一半前任的醋，甚至達到癡迷的程度，感覺自己在和前任競爭一樣，紐約市的臨牀心理學家邁克爾·布魯斯坦解釋道。大多數情況下，你的另一半和他/她的前任之間根本沒啥聯繫，但你卻會臆想另一半正在出軌，布魯斯坦醫生說道。所以，雖然你內心深知另一半已經忘掉了她/他的前任，你可能還是會偶爾檢查他們的社交媒體，以確保你還是比他們更優秀--以防萬一，你懂的。
In many cases, this preoccupation with your partner's ex may stem from your own insecurities, but it can be exacerbated by your partner's comments about their ex, Dr. Brustein says. "Sometimes a partner can instigate [insecurities] if they are somehow still connected to their ex, or unconsciously or consciously bring up things that are triggering," he says. And when you feel like you're already lacking in some way, you're more easily triggered by these comments or bits of information.
大多數情況下，這種對另一半前任的成見可能源於你自己沒有安全感。但另一半對其前任的評語可能會加大你的不安全感，布魯斯坦醫生說道。"有時候，如果另一半仍在以某種方式和前任聯繫或者有意無意的提起讓你惱怒的話題，那他們就是在觸發你的不安全感，"他說道。當你本身就缺乏安全感時，這些話語或信息更有可能激發你。
If you feel like you have to go out of your way to keep tabs on your partner's ex, then your fixation might be a form of self-sabotage, Dr. Brustein says. "There are times when somebody might be doing this to rationalize getting out of [a relationship]," he says. Again, this most likely stems from an insecurity that your partner is still connected with their ex or that you're never going to measure up to their past partners.
如果你覺得自己需要竭盡全力的密切關注另一半的前任，那麼你的固執可能是一種自我破壞，布魯斯坦醫生說道。"有時候有些人這麼做是給自己撇開這段感情找個藉口，"他說道。而這在很大程度上，又是源於不安全感：你的另一半仍和前任有聯繫，你覺得自己永遠都比不上他/她的前任。The good news is that, in most cases, your stress and worries about your partner's ex will eventually go away, but it might require some introspective reflection, and possibly a conversation with your partner.
好消息是，在大多數情況下，你的壓力和對另一半前任的擔心最終都會消散的，但這可能需要你自我反思，可能還需要你和另一半談一談。
