雙語散文:我非時尚中人

【英文譯文】

摘要：我時常收到好心的編輯寄來的電腦報刊，面對那些每個字都認識、就是看不懂的天書，心想，這不是給文盲寄報刊嗎？

My attitude toward the personal computer

From time to time I receive PC magazines from well-meaning editors. Reading them, I recognize the individual characters, but the whole thing is Greek to me. When faced with such publications, I think to myself, "They might as well send newspapers or magazines to an illiterate." I hate to say it, but I have to confess I don't even know how to type, much less how to surf the Internet. Several times I've tried to learn to use a computer and each time I gave up in the end, for it is not really very user-friendly. I was afraid of all mechanical devices, afraid of the keyboard and the mouse with its jumpy cursor. I was consoled by the fact that my colleague, Bai Yansong, another prime time TV host, also wrote his scripts by hand. He told me that feeling the point of the pen touching the surface of the paper gave him a kind of pleasure. I had the same feeling and found it a good excuse not to use a computer. By 1999, however, I no longer felt this attitude was justified. One day I went to my supervisor's home to hand in an article which was hand-written and a little sloppily done. Hearing my apology, the wife of my supervisor said, "It doesn't matter. I can type it out on my computer."

"You can use a computer?"

"Sure. I learned to use it when I was 70."

I was so surprised that I wasn't able to utter a single word. Once out of their flat, I made up my mind for the one-hundredth time to start learning to use a computer. I still had Bai Yansong to keep me company, but once he started learning to use the computer, he would pick it up very fast and then I would be really isoLated, wouldn't I?

My English

This is a heart-breaking topic for me. When I graduated from university, I knew only the first seven letters of the English alphabet -A to G-which I used as ordinal numbers like 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or I, II, III, IV.... Like many of the university students from factories, communes and the PLA, I had not been taught any foreign language. While I was working I was preparing to take the exam for post-graduate studies. For this purpose I asked my elder sister to teach me English. Being a professional English translator, she was extremely dissatisfied with me, a highly motivated pupil. "You are the slowest student I've ever taught," she once remarked. Later, I attended night school, the Open University, and crash courses, spending nearly all my spare time on English. After failing twice, my name finally appeared on the list of successful candidates. However, it was quite a pity that in my later days, as I seldom had the opportunity to use my English, it began to fade away bit by bit. Today I've almost completely forgotten it. I feel as if I should apologize to my former self for not living up to expectations.

My attitude toward the cell phone

For those in my trade, pagers and cell phones are a must, and are issued by the work unit. The first cell phone issued to me seemed only capable of local calls. It was a heavy black thing that took up almost one third of the space of my handbag. At that time I would always feel a little embarrassed when using it because once I heard "a high-class person" say: "A woman fishing out a beeper or a cell phone gives you the feeling that she is a spy." I particularly hated the Chinese slang term for cell phone, dagedaig brother*. Fortunately, people later began to call it by its proper name, shouji and phone*.

Nowadays cell phones are getting smaller and smaller while the area they cover is getting larger and larger. Each time there is a big story, my boss at the TV station will issue the order: all reporters and presenters, make sure your cell phones and pagers are on all the time! Return immediately when called or paged! Beep! Beep! Beep! Ring! Ring! Ring! Can you imagine how we could possibly do our job without them?

【中文原文】

關於電腦

我時常收到好心的編輯寄來的電腦報刊，面對那些每個字都認識、就是看不懂的天書，心想，這不是給文盲寄報刊嗎？說來慚愧，別說上網，我連打字都不會，幾次走近電腦，幾次又離開它，它一點兒也不讓我感到親近。我怕一切機器，怕那些鍵子，那個蹦來蹦去的鼠標。讓我感到安慰的是，白巖鬆寫稿子也是手寫。他說，筆尖觸着紙的感覺是種享受。我有同感，也找到了一個說法兒。可到了1999年，我不能心安理得了。那天給師母送稿子，手寫的，又有點兒亂。師母說："沒關係，我在電腦上打出來。""您？"師母說："是啊，我70歲學的。"驚得我一下子沒了話。出了門，第100次下決心，該學電腦了。白巖鬆一旦學來一定進步飛快，那我不就真的"孤立"起來了嗎?

關於外語

這是我的傷心話題。大學畢業，我只認識英語的前7個字母， 從A到G，是當1、2、3、4，甲、乙、丙、丁用的。那時工農兵學員有很多沒有上過外語課。我一邊工作，一邊準備考研，就拜我姐爲師學英語，可她作爲專業英語翻譯，卻對我這個虔誠的學生很不滿意。"在我教過的學生裏，你最笨。"後來，上夜校，上電大，上補習班，幾乎把所有的業餘時間都用在英語上了，經過兩次名落孫山，終於榜上有名。可惜的是，後來的日子，用不着英語，就一點點忘掉，如今快忘光了。今天的我，真對不起當年的我。

關於手機

幹我們這一行的，BP機、手機是必備的工具，由"組織"上發。第一次發給我的手機好像只能打市內電話，沉甸甸、黑乎乎的，包裏的空間被它佔了三分之一。我那時打手機總有點兒不好意思，因爲曾聽一位很有品位的人說，看女人掏出BP機、大哥大，像個女特務似的。我特別不喜歡"大哥大"這個名字，幸好它後來老老實實叫手機了。

現在，手機越來越小，能通達的地方越來越遠。電視臺每逢大事報道，頭兒就會命令：全體記者主持人，必須時刻打開手機、呼機，召之即來！嘀嘀嘀，鈴鈴鈴，真難想象，沒有它們，我們怎麼幹活兒?